Frank Drebin: Nice Beaver!
Jane Spencer: Thanks I just had it stuffed <as she hands him a stuffed beaver>

Frank Drebin: That's the red-light district. I wonder why Savage is hanging around down there.
Ed Hocken: Sex, Frank?
Frank Drebin: Uh, no, not right now, Ed. We've got work to do.

Goon: Hey, Drebin! I've got a messege for you from Vincent Ludwig:
He talks rapidly while repeatedly firing is gun Frank Drebin: I can't hear you, dont fire the gun while you talk!

Jane Spencer: Can I interest you in a night cap?
Frank Drebin: No, thank you, I don't wear them.

Mayor Barkley: Oh Drebin. I don't want any more trouble like you had last year on the southside. Understand? Thats my policy.
Frank Drebin: Yes, well. When I see five weirdos dressed in togas stabbing a guy in the middle of the park in pro view of a hundred people, I shoot the bastards, that's my policy.
Mayor Barkley: That was a Shakespeare in the Park production of Julius Caesar, you moron! You killed five actors! Good ones!

Rocko: What is your prison number?
Frank Drebin: It's unlisted.

Tanya Peters: What are you doing?
Frank Drebin: Oh! I was, uh, just conjugating my next move.
Tanya Peters: Your bishop's exposed.
Frank Drebin: It's these pants.

Vincent Ludwig: Drebin!
Jane Spencer: Frank!
Frank Drebin: You're both right.

Vincent Ludwig: Inspector Drebin, welcome.
Frank Drebin: The feeling is mutual.
Vincent Ludwig: Nice to meet you too... He offers Drebin some cigars ... Cuban?
Frank Drebin: Err, no, Dutch-Irish, my father was from Wales.

And by the way.. I faked every orgasm.

Like a blind man at an orgy, I was gonna have to feel my way out.

Like a midget at a urinal, I was going to have to stay on my toes.

Lt Drebin, Police Squad! And don't ever let me catch you guys in America!

No, no, no I'm sure that we can handle this maturely. Just like the sensible adults that we are. Isn't that right Mr. Poopy Pants?

The truth hurts doesn't it, Hapsburg. Oh sure, maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with the seat missing, but it hurts.