Mystery Men quotes

View Quote "We're all in over our heads and we know it. But if we take on this fight, those of us who survive it will forever after show our scars with pride and say, 'That's right! I was there! I fought the good fight!'"

View Quote "We struck down evil with the mighty sword of teamwork and the hammer of not-bickering."

View Quote "There aren't any evil trios, are there? No — they all have to travel in gangs like little babies."

View Quote "Hey, Dad — I'm going to my room with three strange men."

View Quote Vic the publicist: I think right now we should focus on the positive. Tonight was good.
Captain Amazing: Yeah - you think so? 'Cause I was worried it was, um, I don't know... PATHETIC! "Amazing triumphs at a nursing home"? That's great copy, Vic.
Vic: Look, I'm a publicist, not a magician. You want big news, you have to have big fights. A superhero needs a supervillain. And thanks to you, we've got none left.
Captain Amazing: Then get... the... Death Man!
Vic: Death Man is dead.
Captain Amazing: Okay — Father Doom.
Vic: Life without parole. Apocalypta's doing fifty years. Armagezzmo's in exile. Baron von Chaos got the chair —
Captain Amazing: Really?
Vic: Casanova Frankenstein is locked up in a nut-house.
Captain Amazing: Casanova Frankenstein - now there was a supervillain! You know, he just... he's got those eyes, you know? I can't do it, but... and that voice! Such pure evil! The battles we used to have — extraordinary!
Vic: "Used to." That's the problem, Captain. "Used to."

View Quote [When Mr. Furious suggests they employ a publicist]
The Shoveler: What are we gonna publicise, Roy? The fact that we get our butts kicked? A lot?
Mr. Furious: [Annoyed] Well, maybe if you didn't smack me in the face with a shovel every time we went out, we'd have a few more victories to brag about.
Shoveler: All right now, I'm sorry about that. I just have a tendency to lose my concentration when I've got a salad fork stuck in my rear end.
Blue Raja: Oh, oh — I get it! So your shovel in his face is my fault?
Shoveler: You threw a spoon at the guy, Jeff.
Mr. Furious: Yeah, what was up with that?
Blue Raja: I-I, I'm embarrassed about that. I thought it was a fork.
Shoveler: You're the master of cutlery. You couldn't throw a knife sometimes when someone's trying to kill me?
Blue Raja: No, I can't! You couldn't, ah, use a rake sometimes?
Shoveler: No. I'm the Shoveler.
Blue Raja: Well, I'm the Blue Raja. I'm not Stab Man, I'm not Knifey Boy — I'm the Blue Raja.
Mr. Furious: Yeah, that's another thing.
Blue Raja: [Defensive] What?
Mr. Furious: Well, you could work a little blue into the uniform somewhere. I mean you've got green, you've got this little flowery thing going on, but it's like everything but blue.
Blue Raja: Well, if we could just step out of our literal minds, just for a moment.

View Quote Mr. Furious: Do you see what I see?
Shoveler: It's Tony C!
Blue Raja: And Tony P, leader of the Disco Boys! But what, pray tell, would he be doing back in town?
Mr. Furious: Maybe it's time to do some following to find out.

View Quote Casanova Frankenstein: Captain Amazing — what a surprise.
Captain Amazing: Really? I'm not so sure about that. Your first night of freedom and you blow up the asylum. Interesting choice. I knew you couldn't change.
Casanova: I knew you'd know that.
Captain Amazing: Oh, I know. And I knew you'd know I'd know you knew.
Casanova: But I didn't. I only knew that you'd know that I knew. Did you know that?
Captain Amazing: ... Of course.

View Quote Captain Amazing: We've always been each other's greatest nemesises... uh, nemesee... wh-what's the plural on that?
Casanova Frankenstein: [Wearily] Nemeses.
Captain Amazing: Whatever. You're going to prison for life this time, Casanova. You see, here in Champion City we still do a fairly brisk trade... in justice.
Casanova: I thought it was all about publicity and keeping your sponsors happy.
Captain Amazing: See, it's that kind of cynicism that I truly feel is starting to poison society.

View Quote Captain Amazing: Lookee here — a multi-frequency radio detonator! You really should be more careful when discarding incriminating evidence.
Casanova Frankenstein: Oh, no, no, no, no. This is an amusing little gizmo. It's really quite cool.
Captain Amazing: Yeah? What is it? [the gizmo emits a spurt of vapor into his face] Yuck!
Casanova: It's a chloroform-deploying enticement snare.
Captain Amazing: Aw, DANG! [he collapses]
Casanova: Poor Lancie. You really are so predictable.

View Quote Tony P: What do we got here?
Tony C: I think they're supposed to be jive superheroes.
Tony P: Well, they made a big mistake coming to Casanova's place. [he draws a gun; the heroes snicker.] What's so funny?
Mr. Furious: That's it? That's your power? You have guns? Couldn't you be a little more creative than that?
Blue Raja: Pardon the impertinence, guv'nor, but what the devil does a pistol have to do with disco?
Disco Boy: It's a Saturday Night Special.
Mr. Furious: Weak.
Blue Raja: At best. [more Disco Boys arrive, armed with a variety of blunt instruments.]
Shoveler: Check out the guy with the pipe. What are you, the Disco Plumber?
Blue Raja: There's no theme at all here, mates!
Mr. Furious: I mean, if you're gonna carry a chain, at least make it a gold chain, and that's just off the top of my head... [To Tony C] Yo, what's up, Tiger Lily?
Tony C: Top of your head, huh?
[The Disco Boys beat the heroes up]

View Quote Captain Amazing: Listen, I really think we need to talk about your plans here.
Casanova Frankenstein: You know my plans, Lancie. Tomorrow night... I'm going to kill you.
Captain Amazing: Right. That's the part that really doesn't work for me.

View Quote [The Shoveler's wife finds superhero tryouts being conducted in her back yard]
Lucille: Oh, I don't deserve this!
Shoveler: I know.
Lucille: A lot of other men I could have married, Eddie. Still are.
Shoveler: I understand.
Lucille: If one person vomits in my pool, I'm divorcing you.
Shoveler: That's fair.
Lucille: Mm-hmm. Come on, kids!

View Quote Bowler: Have you ever heard of Carmine the Bowler?
Shoveler: Have we ever heard...
Blue Raja: Cor blimey, miss, don't tell us you're the Bowler's daughter!
Mr. Furious: I seem to remember there being a little controversy around his death.
Bowler: That's right. The police said it was an accident. He'd come home late one night and fell down an elevator shaft. Onto some bullets.
Blue Raja: You know, I've always suspected a bit of foul play.
Bowler: As have I.

View Quote Bowler: So you're a British man who converted to Islam, sort of like Cat Stevens?
Blue Raja: No. Until the early part of this century, India was in fact part of the British Empire, whose government there was called the British Raj after the Hindi word for "sovereignty". Furthermore —
Bowler: Wait — so sorry. [to her bowling ball] What? DAD! No, he's not a commie, nor a fruit. [to the Blue Raja] Sorry. His ignorance embarrasses me.
Blue Raja: Sorry, but am I to understand that you've inserted your father's skull inside of that... ball for bowling?
Bowler: No. The guy at the pro shop did it.