Mystery Men quotes

View Quote Tony P: You guys never learn, do you?
Blue Raja: Apparently we don't — ass!

View Quote Mr. Furious: Do yourself a favor and don't punch my clock, 'cause I'm a Pantera's box you do not wanna open.
Casanova Frankenstein: It is 'Pandora'.
Mr. Furious: Uh, please don't correct me. It sickens me.

View Quote Invisible Boy: So what's the name of this team? How about the Super Squad?
[Tony P and Tony C appear with gun-toting Disco Boys]
Tony P: How about the Six Dead Guys in Their Stupid Costumes? No, no, no — the Magnificent Dead Guys. How about that?
Tony C: How about the Legendary Superfreaks?
Tony P: Way too positive. They totalled our car.

View Quote [As a training exercise, Mr. Furious is trying to balance a small hammer on his head]
Mr. Furious: Why am I doing this again?
Sphinx: When you can balance a tack hammer on your head, you will head off your foes with a balanced attack.
Mr. Furious: And why am I wearing the watermelon on my feet?
Sphinx: I don't remember telling you to do that.

View Quote [Arguing with the Sphinx's clich?d speeches]
Mr. Furious: Okay. Am I the only one who finds these sayings just a bit formulaic? "If you wanna put something down, you gotta pick it up". "If you wanna go left, you gotta go right". It's...
Sphinx: Your temper is very quick, my friend. But until you learn to master your rage —
Mr. Furious: Your rage will become your master? [The Sphinx freezes, caught] That's what you were gonna say, right? Right?
Sphinx: ... Not necessarily.

View Quote [When the Spleen is playing around in Heller's laboratory]
The Shoveler: You're gonna kill someone with that.
Dr. Heller: No, no, no - you see, everything here is non-lethal.
The Shoveler: Non-lethal? What?
Dr. Heller: I don't make weapons that kill.
The Bowler: Oh, I see. How delightfully eccentric of you. Whilst simultaneously being a complete waste of our time.

View Quote Shoveler: Doctor, you are a genius.
Dr. Heller: That's what the card says.

View Quote [Rescuing Captain Amazing from Casanova's weapon of mass destruction]
Captain Amazing: Now flip the second toggle.
The Bowler: [Having already flipped on his instructions once] ... Again?
Captain Amazing: What do you mean?
The Bowler: Flip the toggle twice?
Captain Amazing: No-no-no, don't do that, just flip it again, now, one time! Flip it.
The Bowler: [To Mr. Furious] ... Does he understand what I'm asking?
Mr. Furious: Hold on a second - Captain, exactly how many toggle flips in toto are involved in this procedure?
Captain Amazing: [Flustered] I just - I - Seven!
Mr. Furious: [Incredulous] Seven?!
Captain Amazing: [A little hysterical] Flip it!!
[The weapon begins to hum omniously and increasingly loudly]
The Bowler: Hold the phone! Everybody hold the phone. You phrased that incorrectly. We need to know how many toggle flips are needed not counting the gratuitous toggle flip you may have asked for in a moment of panic.
Captain Amazing: [Very hysterical] FLIP IT!!!
Mr. Furious: Okay, you know what, can we just start again? Is there like a reset button on this thing or something?
Captain Amazing: No you little freak, there's no button for resetting! Flip the switch, lady! Don't look at me, lift your left arm and flip it, you moron!
The Bowler: [Offended] Whoa! I am not a moron.
Captain Amazing: You're a moron! You're a moron! Flip the switch, lady!
Mr. Furious: [Gently rebuking] Hey, don't call her a moron, that's not cool...
The Bowler: Thank you!
Blue Raj: [Fed up] I'll do it! I'll do it! It's this one, yes?
The Bowler: No!
[Blue Raj flips the wrong switch - the weapon activates]
Captain Amazing: Uh-oh - wrong switch.
[The weapon kills Captain Amazing in a horrific and grotesque fashion as the Mystery Men watch, appalled]
Mr. Furious: ... Everybody heard me say 'reset button', right?
Blue Raja: [Horrified] Oh my God... Oh my God, we've killed him...
The Shoveler: What do you mean, 'we'? I was right here.
[The Bowler approaches Amazing's fried, calcified and mutated corpse cautiously]
The Bowler: I'm gonna check his pulse...
[She gently touches his wrist; it breaks off from his arm and smashes into pieces on the floor]
The Bowler: ... I don't think he's gonna pull through.

View Quote [Escaping Casanova Frankenstein's mansion after bungling the rescue]
The Spleen: Where's Captain Amazing?
Blue Raja: [Stressed] There's been a bit of a ****-up, actually...
The Bowler: Raja murdered him!
[They begin to squabble]
Mr. Furious: Guys? I think we have a bigger fish to fry right now.

View Quote Blue Raja: Sphinx, what do we do?
Sphinx: Sometimes, the true hero is the one with the courage to run away.
Bowler: I like the way this man thinks!
Invisible Boy: Let's run.
Shoveler: We can't run.
Bowler: Oh, yes! Oh, yes — it's been established that we can run.

View Quote Invisible Boy: But I don't want to get frakulated!
The Bowler: Psycho-frakulated.
Invisible Boy: We still get frakulated!

View Quote [The Blue Raja's mom walks in on him, in full costume, rummaging through her silverware drawer]
Mom: Jeffrey, what are you doing?
Blue Raja: I'm, uh, I'm just... I... I... [shifts to British accent] I'm a superhero, mother.
Mom: A superhero?
Blue Raja: An effete British superhero, to be precise. The Blue Raja is my name, and yes, I know I don't wear much blue and I speak in a British accent, but if you know your history it really does make perfect sense. I am pilfering your tableware because...I hurl it. I hurl it with a deadly accuracy. The point is, your boy's a Limey fork-flinger mother, hard cheese to swallow I know, but there it is. What will the bridge club think?

View Quote Blue Raja: I better get going. I've got a city to save.
Mom: Jeffrey? Do the accent.
Blue Raja: Uh, well... [shifts to British accent] Well, I'd love to stay and chit-chat, Mother, but I fear I must away with me — our metropolis is in the clutches of madmen!
Mom: Jeff?
Blue Raja: Yeah?
Mom: Cheerio.
Blue Raja: Thanks, Mom.

View Quote Invisible Boy: So, this is basically a huge electromagnet.
Dr. Heller: Well, actually, it's an electro-nuclear-magnet. It's the next inevitable phase.

View Quote [The other heroes try to help Mr. Furious regain his anger-feuled super powers.]
Shoveler: Come on, somebody do something! We need him!
Bowler: Okay, let's do this. You're a very furious man. Do you understand that?
Mr. Furious: No.
Bowler: No? Well, you've got a lot to be furious about, and I'll tell you why. You're - not well-liked. You're, uh, abrasive and off-putting. You try to say pithy things, but your wit is a hindrance... so therefore nothing is provacative, it's just mixed metaphors. Now doesn't that make you angry? Does it infuriate you?
Mr. Furious: No.
Bowler: Well, it should! Are you angry? Come ON, man!
Shoveler: Your penmanship is atrocious!
Sphinx: You dress in the manner of a male prostitute.