I've never seen my sister this happy, Ian. [serious] If you hurt her, I'll kill you and make it look like an accident.

Maria: Toula, on my wedding night, my mother, she said to me, "Greek women, we may be lambs in the kitchen, but we are tigers in the bedroom!"
Toula: Eww. Please let that be the end of your speech.

Toula: Ma, Dad is so stubborn. What he says goes. "Ah, the man is the head of the house!"
Maria: Let me tell you something, Toula. The man is the head, but the woman is the neck. And she can turn the head any way she wants.

Maria: Ian, are you hungry?
Ian: Uh no, I already ate.
Maria: Okay, I make you something.

Ian: What do you do for Christmas with your family?
Toula: Uh, my mom makes roast lamb.
Ian: Mmm... with mint jelly?
Toula: No.
[pause]
Ian: And...?
Toula: And...
[pause]
Toula: I'm Greek, right?
Ian: Right...?
Toula: So, what happens is my dad and uncles, they fight over who gets to eat the lamb brain. And then my aunt Voula forks the eyeball and chases me around with it, try to get me to eat it, 'cause it's gonna make me smart. So, you have two cousins, I have 27 first cousins. Just 27 first cousins alone! And my whole family is big and loud. And everybody is in each other's lives and business. All the time! Like, you never just have a minute alone, just to think, 'Cause we're always together, just eating, eating, eating! The only other people we know are Greeks, 'cause Greeks marry Greeks to breed more Greeks, to be loud breeding Greek eaters.
Ian: Wow.

Toula: I woke up with this huge zit this morning.
Ian: Where?
Toula: [points to spot on face] There.
Ian: I had a huge zit this morning!
Toula: Really? Where?
Ian: [points to his face] Well, it was there, but it's gone now.
Toula: Why?
Ian: I put some Windex on it.