(After setting fake bust on fire and putting it out) Looks at me, my first day as a woman and I'm getting hot flashes.

(As Mrs. Doubtfire.) Broke my bag, the bastard. You know they often say a man with a car like thats trying the compensate for smaller genitals sissy, but not in your case, cause i see that you're a strapping aren't ya.

(Drops false teeth in drink, Stuart doubletakes and pulls a strange face). Oh (pretends to talk with no teeth)

(Is walking across the street, then almost gets mugged. Hits mugger in the face.) (As Daniel) Back off, asshole! BEAT IT!

Chris: You don't really like wearing that stuff, do you Dad?

Miranda: Oh my god! oh my god! The whole time? The whole time? THE WHOLE TIME?! I have to go. We have to leave now. We have to go. I have to leave. We have to leave.

Daniel as Pudgey the Parrot: 911! 911! Police! Authorities! ASPCA! ASAP! Murder! Betrayal! Kidnap! No. BIRDNAP!!

Daniel: Could you make me a woman?
Frank: Honey, I'm so happy!

Daniel: How about we take a vacation, take the kids, get you away from work, you'll see that you're a different person. You are. You're great.
Miranda: But our problems would be waiting for us when we got back.
Daniel: Well we'll move, and hopefully our problems won't follow us.
Miranda: Daniel, please don't joke. We're far apart. We're different. We have nothing in common.
Daniel: Sure we do. We love each other... We love each other... Don't we?
Miranda: I want a divorce.

Daniel: What kind of idiot kept this guy on the air of twenty-five years?
Jonathan Lundy: Me.
Daniel: I'm Daniel Hillard, former employee.
Jonathan Lundy: Maybe...

Mrs. Doubtfire: He was quite fond of the drink. It was the drink that killed him.
Miranda: How awful, he was an alcoholic?
Mrs. Doubtfire: No, he was hit by a Guinness truck, so it was quite literally the drink that killed him

Carpe dentum. Seize the teeth.

Ever wish you could freeze frame a moment in your day, and look at it and say "this is not my life"?

I can hip-hop, be-bop, dance till ya drop, and yo yo, make a wicked cup of cocoa.

It was a run-by fruiting!