Mr. Mom quotes

View Quote [Trying to get Kenny to give up his security blanket] I understand that you little guys start out with your woobies and you think they're great... and they are, they are terrific. But pretty soon, a woobie isn't enough. You're out on the street trying to score an electric blanket, or maybe a quilt. And the next thing you know, you're strung out on bedspreads Ken. That's serious.

View Quote Ron: [about rewiring the house] Yeah? Are you gonna make it all 220?
Jack: Yeah. 220... 221, whatever it takes.

View Quote Jack: My brain is like oatmeal. I yelled at Kenny today for coloring outside the lines! Megan and I are starting to watch the same TV shows, and I'm liking them! I'm losing it.
Caroline: Honey, I know what you're talking about. I've been there myself, alright?
Jack: Well, if you're so unhappy, why don't you say something about it?
Caroline: Because I wasn't unhappy! Look, maybe I was a little confused, maybe I was a little frustrated, but I knew what I was doing was important, because it means something to raise human beings. What saw me through was pride.
[Jack takes the bedspread, pillow and a pizza slice before heading out]
Caroline: I've pride in this house, I've pride with my kids, and I've pride being Mrs. Jack Butler! Where are you going?
Jack: [Eating pizza before going] I'm goin' downstairs to sleep on the fat couch if I can get through the door.
[Jack leaves the room]
Caroline: Well, you should take pride with some of that FAT, Porky!
[Caroline slams the door]

View Quote Jack: You wanna beer?
Ron: It's 7 o'clock in the morning.
Jack: Scotch?

View Quote Honey if you call and I'm not home I'll be at the gym or the gun club.

View Quote Doris (TV Repairwoman): Are you crazy? You don't feed a baby chili!

View Quote Jack: My wife and I went to the movies the other day, we saw Rocky. While I'm watching it, I'm thinking 'This guy has taken some falls you know.
Auto Worker 1: Which Rocky was it? 1 or 2, or 3?
Jack: I don't know. Three I guess. But...
Auto Worker 2: Hey, did the guy have a mo-hawk like Mr. T?
Jack: OK forget Rocky. The point is... when you're down, not not exactly out... I mean, I mean you gotta hang tough... I don't know.
Auto Worker 1: Well Hang tough baby! Do what Rocky would do! [Jack walks out] He didn't see Rocky.

View Quote Annette: Hello Jack? I'm Annette. You're doing it wrong.

View Quote Doris (TV Repairwoman): Butler, you got a problem with your horizontal hold?
Jack: I don't know.
Doris (TV Repairwoman): Your wife says you do.
Jack: Well, she ought to know... come on in...

View Quote Alex: [about Ron's house] Wow, what a house!
Jack: Yeah, probably mortgaged to the eyeballs.
'Caroline: Not this one, his great grandfather - Commander Richardson - built it.
Jack: Eh... hand me down.

View Quote Joan: [at the supermarket] Can I give you a hand?
Jack: You can give me two I don't know what the hell I'm doing.

View Quote Jinx: [talking about the lay-off] You're not exactly walking out of here empty handed. You got your pension and I'll give you this month's gas money.
Larry: There's only one more thing I want.
Jinx: What?
Larry: DISABILITY!
[goes to window and tries to open it and jump out but is grabbed by Jack]
Jinx: Hey keep that sense of humor it'll do you good.
[Larry rushes at him and attempts to strangle him]

View Quote [to Jinx] You yell at my kid like that again, I'm knockin' you out!

View Quote Annette: [as Jack is driving away from the supermarket] He's married!
Joan: So were we once!

View Quote Caroline: Do you want to go over the list one more time?
Jack: No I don't want to go over the list! OK let's go over the list.