Flight Attendant: I'm sorry, sir. You're gonna have to check that.
Greg: I got it.
Flight Attendant: No, I'm sorry. That bag won't fit.
Greg: No, I'm not-- Hey. I'm not checking my bag, okay?
Flight Attendant: There's no need to raise your voice, sir.
Greg: I'm not raising my voice. This would be raising my voice to you, okay? I don't want to check my bag. By the way, your airline, you suck at checking bags. Because I already did that once, and you lost it, and then I had everything screwed up very badly for me. Okay?
Flight Attendant: I can assure you that your bag...will be placed safely below deck with the other luggage.
Greg: Oh, yeah? How do you know my bag will be safe below with the other luggage? Are you physically gonna take my bag beneath the plane? Are you gonna go with the guys with the earmuffs and put it in there?
Flight Attendant: No.
Greg: No? Okay. Then shut your pie hole...and listen to me when I say that I am finished...with the checking-of-the-bags conversation!
Flight Attendant: Sir, we have a policy on this airline that if a bag is this large, we--
Greg: Get your grubby little paws off of my bag, okay? It's not like I have a bomb in here. It's not like I want to blow up the plane.
Flight Attendant: Sir!
Greg: I wanna stow my bag according to your safety regulations.
Flight Attendant: Sir, sir--
Greg: If you would take a second...and take the little sticks out of your head and clean out your ears, maybe you would see that I'm a person who has feelings, and all I have to do is do what I wanna do! All I wanna do is hold onto my bag and not listen to you! The only way that I would ever let go of my bag would be if you came over here now...and tried to pry it from my dead, lifeless fingers. Okay? If you can get it from my kung fu grip, then you can have it. Okay? Otherwise, step off, bitch.
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