Meatballs

Meatballs quotes

29 total quotes (ID: 383)

Multiple Characters
Tripper Harrison


Interviewer: These children are going to the most glamorus of all summer camps: Camp Mohawk. There's a two year waiting list and every child has to be voted in. On top of that it costs $1,000 a week to to go to Camp Mohawk. The question is, is it worth a $1,000 a week.
Tripper: It sure is. It's the best darn camp there is.
Interviewer: Well, are you connected with Camp Mohawk?
Tripper: Well, I think so, I'm the program dircetor; Jerry Aldini
Interviewer: Well, how do you justify a $1,000 a week.
Tripper: Well, we have some special programs. Uh, we're doing Shakespear in the Round again this year, of course. Uh, our political roundtable, Henry Kissinger will appear. Asser Arafat is gonna come out, spend a weekend with the kids. Just rap with them.
Interviewer That's amazing!
Tripper: And the kids wanted animals. So this year, each camper will stalk and kill his own bear in our private wildlife preserve.
Interviewer: Are you sure the children can, uh, can hack that?
Tripper: We'll see. But, the real excitement, of course, is gonna come at the end of the summer, uh, during Sexual Awareness Week. We import 200 hookers from around the world, and each camper, armed with only a thermos of coffee and $2,000 cash, tries to visit as many countries as he can and the winner, of course, is named King of Sexual Awareness Week and is allowed to rape and pillage the neighboring towns until camp ends.
Interviewer That's incredible.
Tripper: What'd you expect for $1,000 a week. Hey, you have a good summer too, huh.


Spaz: What's cookin' good lookin'?
Girl Camper: Your fly's undone. [laughs]
Tripper: Hey Spaz, I was watchin' you out there. Looked like you had a chance there for a second.

Rudy: I'm going away.
Tripper: You goin' to Vegas? If you're going to Vegas, I would be up for it because I love that town. I'm a party guy. I love that town.
Rudy: I don't think they want me around.
Tripper: You talkin' about the soccer heads back there? Well, that's life in the fast-paced slam-bang, live-on-the-razor's-edge, laugh-in-the-face-of-death world of junior league soccer.

Tripper: Roxanne, I have to tell you this as a friend; I can see right down your blouse. I can see everything too.
Roxanne: Tripper, is there something seriously wrong with you?
Tripper: Roxanne, I have what doctors call "very active glands." You're the first person I've told, my folks don't even know.
Roxanne: Well, maybe you can have surgery without them knowing.
Tripper: Awww, heck with surgery! Let's wrestle!

Crockett: [after Hardware blows a fuse] Hardware.
Hardware: Yeah, Crockett?
Crockett: You're a dick.

Hardware: Another panty raid, Trip?
Tripper: NO QUESTIONS, DOGFACE!

Tripper: [dancing together] Is that a bra you're wearing, or are you expecting an assassination attempt?
Roxanne: Are those Clorets in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?
Tripper: OK, we're even. 3 years of this. I don't think I have many lines left. Frankly, Roxanne, I'm frightened.
Roxanne: Oh, no. Don't go human on me now, Tripper.
Tripper: Well, I'm trying.
Roxanne: So keep trying.

Rudy: I saw you dancing with Roxanne.
Tripper: Oh yeah? Well, she sort'a cornered me and there was nothing I could do without embarrassing her.
Rudy: Do you like her?
Tripper: Well, I feel sorry for her, you know. She's got a glass eye. And, uh, I'm one of the few people who knows exactly which eye to look at when they're talking to her, so she's sort of fixated on me.
Rudy: Well, I like her.
Tripper: Well you're not exactly known for your taste. I'll probably just use her for the rest of the summer and then throw her on the scrap heap with all the rest of the women that I've destroyed. Uh, I have to go on this overnight. I'm takin' the C.I.T.s on an overnight for the next couple days so you're gonna have to do your own training, son. I want you to run two miles today and two and a half tomorrow.
Rudy: I've never run that far.
Tripper: Neither have I but somebody's gotta do it. I can't be expected to do it. Somebody's gotta do it, and it can't be me! Because I'm too busy. I've responsibilities. I'm the entertainment director for the overnight. [holds up a bottle of wine]

Tripper: It's a weird moon. Moon kills, you know. It feeds off the earth. On a night like this, one of us could get up in the middle of the night, grab an axe and cut someone's head off. [Fink laughs and howls] I remember a night like this a few years ago. A guy and a girl went out driving, it was one of their first dates, started out kind of casual, but they ended up deciding to go park. Not too far from here, as a matter of fact. Well, they were going at it listening to the radio, all of the sudden a news bulliton broke, "Dangerous lunitic has escaped from the hospital of the criminally insaine at Two Pines."
A.L.: Oh, come on, Trip.
Tripper: They described him as a monster, six and a half feet tall, two-hundered and sixty pounds, with one horrible distingishing feature: a sharpened-stainless steel hook... where his right hand use to be. That was enough for the guy. He slammed the car into gear, floored it, bounced off a tree, didn't stop until they got to the girl's house, got out of his side, walked around to her's. There, hanging in the door covered with blood was a stainless-steel hook. The strangest part is after all these years, after the biggest man hunt in Two Pines history, they never found the killer! Some people say he's still out here in the woods waiting for the chance to kill again. And I say... I say there right! [reveales a hook on his right hand, scaring everone, and chases Roxanne into the forest, followed by everyone laughing]
Larry: Hey, my dinner!
Wheels: Isn't that a bullshit story.
Jackie: No, it's true. I heard it before.
Wendy: Yah.
Jackie: Only I heard it was on a beach.
Wendy: Yeah.
Hardware: No, I heard it happened at a park.
Spaz: Oh, I heard it, but the guy was missing a foot.
Larry: How could the guy have a hook on his foot!?

Tripper: What's the matter? You're pacing like an expectant father with the clap.
Rudy: The Olypiad is tomorrow.
Tripper: So?
Rudy: I wanna do well.
Tripper: You wanna do well? Bet every dime you got on Camp Mohawk.

Rudy: Are you going to go see Roxanne tonight after Morty's rally?
Tripper: [sarcastic] Could be. After the way she treated me on the overnight I'm a little afraid to be alone with her tonight. And I think you know what I mean.
Rudy: I think you like her. Really, admit it! You really do like her don't you? [Tripper makes a funny-discusted face]

Morty: Hey, gang, come on! Look it, just `cause we're losing doesn't mean it's all over.
Phil: Cut the crap, Morty. I mean, the Mohawks have beaten us the last 12 years, they're gonna beat us again.
Tripper: That's just the attitude we don't need, Phil. Sure, Mohawk has beaten us 12 years in a row. Sure, they're terrific athletes. They've got the best equipment that money can buy. Hell, every team they're sending over here has their own personal masseuse. Not masseur. Masseuse. But, it doesn't matter. Do you know that every Mohawk competitor has electrocardiogram, blood and urine tests every 48 hours to see if there's any change in his physical condition. Do you know that they use the most sophisticated training methods from the Soviet Union, East and West Germany, and the newest Olympic power, Trinidad Tobago. But, it doesn't matter. It just doesn't matter. It just doesn't matter! I tell you it just doesn't matter! It just doesn't matter!
The group: IT JUST DOESN'T MATTER! IT JUST DOESN'T MATTER...
Tripper: And Even...and even if we win...if we win... Ha! Even if we win. Even if we play so far over our heads that our noses bleed for a week to ten days. Even if God in Heaven above comes down and points His hand at our side of the field. Even if everyman woman and child held hands together and prayed for us to win. It just wouldn't matter because all the really good looking girls would still go out with the guy from Mohawk cause they've got all the money. It just doesn't matter if we win or we lose. It just doesn't matter! It just doesn't matter! It just doesn't matter!
The group: IT JUST DOESN'T MATTER! IT JUST DOESN'T MATTER...

Roxanne: [Tripper has proposed that they live together after the summer] Where would I stay?
Tripper: My place, what do you think?
Roxanne: Is it big enough?
Tripper: It's got a double bed. What's the matter with you, haven't you ever lived with anybody before?
Roxanne: No. Have you?
Tripper: Pets, you know, a dog, a fish. No, I haven't. I've never asked anybody before.
[They kiss]

Peter: My dad's buying a camp next summer. Wanna come up?
Rudy: Uh, no thanks. I, uh, I kinda like it here.