Mean Girls quotes

View Quote Gretchen: Oh my God, there's Jason! *gasp* And he's with Taylor Wedell!
Karen: I heard they're going out.
Regina: Wait, Jason's not going out with Taylor...no, he cannot blow you off like that. He is such a little skeaze. Give me your phone.
Gretchen: You're not going to call him, right?
Regina: Do you think I'm an idiot?
Regina: [dials phone] Wedell on South Boulevard.
Gretchen: Caller ID!
Regina: Not when you connect from information.
Taylor's Mom: Hello?
Regina: Hi, may I please speak to Taylor Wedell?
Taylor's Mom: She's not in right now, whose calling?
Regina: Oh, this is Susan from Planned Parenthood. I have her test results, if you could have her give me a call as soon as she can, it's urgent, thank you. [Taylor's mom faints] She's not going out with anyone.
Gretchen: Okay, that was so fetch.

View Quote [in her English class essay, after being humiliated by Regina] Why should Caesar get to stomp around like a giant, while the rest of us try not to get smushed under his big feet? What's so great about Caesar? Hm? Brutus is just as cute as Caesar. Brutus is just as smart as Caesar. (starts talking quickly) People totally like Brutus just as much as they like Caesar. And when did it become okay for one person to be the boss of everybody, huh? Because that's not what Rome is about. We should totally just STAB Caesar!

View Quote [standing in front of chalkboard, holding a pointer] Regina George is an evil dictator. How do you overthrow an evil dictator? You take away her resources. She would be nothing without her high-status man-candy [points to first line on chalkboard, which reads Aaron Samuels], technically good physique, [points to second line: "Hot" body], and evil band of loyal followers [points to third line: Army of Skanks].

View Quote Karen: You know who's looking fine tonight? Seth Mosakowski.
Gretchen: Okay, you did not just say that.
Karen: What? He's a good kisser.
Gretchen: He's your cousin.
Karen: Yeah, but he's my first cousin.
Gretchen: Right.
Karen: So, you have your cousins, and then you have your first cousins, and then you have your second cousins...
Gretchen: No, honey, nuh-uh.
Karen: That's not right, is it?
Gretchen: That is so not right.

View Quote Bethany Byrd: Somebody wrote in that book that I'm lying about being a virgin because I use super jumbo tampons... but I can't help it if I've got a heavy flow and a wide set vagina!
Mr. Duvall: ... yeah, I can't do this.

View Quote Why do you wear your hair like that? Your hair looks so sexy pushed back. Cady, will you please tell him his hair looks sexy pushed back?

View Quote Damian: [reading Cady's class schedule] Health, Spanish... you're taking 12th Grade Calculus?
Cady: Yeah, I like math.
Damian: Ew.. why?
Cady: Because it's the same in every country.
Damian: That's beautiful. This girl is deep.

View Quote Mrs. George: [serving the Plastics fruit drinks] Hey, you guys! Happy hour is from four to six!
Cady: Um, is there alcohol in this?
Mrs. George: Oh, God, honey, no! What kind of mother do you think I am? Why, do you want a little bit? Because if you're going to drink I'd rather you do it in the house.

View Quote Damian: [delivering candy canes] Taylor Zimmermann, two for you. Glenn Coco? FOUR for you, Glenn Coco! You go, Glenn Coco. And, uh... "Caddy" Heron. Do we have a "Caddy" Heron here?
Cady: It's Cady.
Damian: Oh, Cady, here you go, one for you... and none for Gretchen Wieners, bye.

View Quote Karen: God. My hips are huge!
Gretchen: Oh please. I hate my calves.
Regina: At least you guys can wear halters. I've got man shoulders.
Cady: [voiceover] I used to think there was just fat and skinny. But apparently there's lots of things that can be wrong on your body.
Gretchen: My hairline is so weird.
Regina: My pores are huge.
Karen: My nail beds suck.
[pause. All look at Cady]
Cady: I have really bad breath in the morning.
Karen: Ew...

View Quote My apologies. I have a nephew named Anfernee, and I know how mad he gets when I call him Anthony. Almost as mad as I get when I think about the fact that my sister named him Anfernee.

View Quote Ms. Norbury: Well, this has been sufficiently awkward...
Aaron Samuels: Your face smells like peppermint!
Emma Gerber: Watch where you're going fat-ass!
Homeschooled Boy: And on the third day, God created the Remington bolt-action rifle, so that Man could fight the dinosaurs. And the homosexuals. Amen.
Jessica Lopez: I don't hate you 'cause you're fat... you're fat 'cause I hate you. [dives backwards in her wheelchair into the crowd of girls]
Ms. Norbury: Oh, hi. Did you wanna buy some drugs?
Coach Carr: Don't have sex. Because you will get pregnant and die. Don't do it in the missionary position, don't do it standing up. Just don't do it. Promise? Okay everybody grab some rubbers!
Michigan Girl: Alyssa, I'm sorry I called you a gap-toothed bitch. It's not your fault you're so gap-toothed.
Crying Girl: [Crying] I wish we were all happy like we used to be in middle school. I wish I could bake a cake full of rainbows and smiles and everyone would eat and be happy.(Damian: She doesn't even go here! Ms. Norbury: Do you even go this school?) No...I just have a lot of feelings...
Amber D'Alessio: [reads Burn Book paper] Made out with a hotdog? Oh my God, that was one time!
Homeschooled Girl: X-Y-L-O-C-A-R-P...XYLOCARP
Ms. Norbury: The only guy who calls my house is Randy from Chase Visa.

View Quote [to the female student body] Okay, yeah. I've got an apology. So, I have this friend who is a new student this year. And I convinced her that it would be fun to mess up Regina George's life. So I had her pretend to be friends with Regina, and then she would come to my house after and we would just laugh about all the dumb stuff Regina said. And we gave these candy bar things that would make her gain weight, and then we turned her best friends against her. And then... Oh yeah, Cady - you know my friend Cady? She made out with her boyfriend, and we convinced him to break up with her. Oh, God, and we gave her foot cream instead of face wash. [to Regina] God! I am so sorry Regina. Really, I don't know why I did this. I guess it's probably because I've got a big lesbian crush on you! Suck on that! AY-YI-YI-YI-YI-YI!

View Quote Janis: That one there, that's Karen Smith. She is one of the dumbest girls you will ever meet. Damien sat next to her in English last year.
Damian: She asked me how to spell "orange".
[Cady snickers]
Janis: That little one, that's Gretchen Wieners.
Damian: She's totally rich because her dad invented Toaster Strudels.
Janis: Gretchen Wieners knows everybody's business, she knows everything about everyone.
Damian: That's why her hair is so big, it's full of secrets.
Janis: And evil takes a human form in Regina George. Don't be fooled because she may seem like your typical selfish, back-stabbing slut faced ho-bag, but in reality, she's so much more than that.
Damian: She's the queen bee - the star, those other two are just her little workers.

View Quote Gretchen, I'm sorry I laughed at you that time you got diarrhea at Barnes & Nobles... And I'm sorry for telling everyone... And I'm sorry for repeating it just now.