MASH

MASH quotes

44 total quotes (ID: 374)

Col. Blake
Duke
Hawkeye
Hot Lips
Multiple Characters
Painless
Trapper John


Hawkeye: Nurse, you got a clamp?
Lt. Dish: Yes.
Hawkeye: Scratch my nose.


[After Trapper John punches Frank Burns]
Col. Blake: Well, what's wrong with you?
Trapper John: I don't know. I must have lost my punch. I never expected the son of a bitch to get up!

[As a helicopter attempts to land on the helipad where they are standing] I wish they wouldn't land those things here while we're playing golf.

[Caught by the MPs]
Hawkeye: Where did we fail?
Trapper John: I don't know, I think it was the woman. Something tells me I've seen her someplace before.
Hawkeye: She was the one in Tangiers.

[Frank Burns leaps over the mess table and tackles Hawkeye]
Hawkeye: Get him off me! I've got glasses. Get him off me!
Duke: What's going on, Frank? That lesson one?
Hawkeye: Frank Burns has gone nuts! I'm wearing glasses, for God's sake!
Trapper John: Watch out for your goodies, Hawkeye. That man is a sex maniac. I don't think Hot Lips satisfied him. Don't let him kiss you, Hawkeye!

Who am I? I am the pro from Dover, and this [Indicates Trapper John] is my favorite caddy.

Oh, Frank, my lips are hot! Kiss my hot lips!

Well, you know, Man o' War, after they retired him from racing, they put him out to stud. And he had, on an average, uh about a hundred and twenty, a hundred and thirty foals every year. And he lived to be thirty-six. And then when he died, they did an autopsy, and they found out that he was a raving queen.

[Trying to convince Lt. Dish to sleep with Painless.] You have the rare privilege that happens on certain occasions to chief executives of states or nations. You have the privilege of restoring a human being's life by a tender act of mercy.

[Watching as Frank Burns leaves] Fair is fair, Henry. If I nail Hot Lips and punch Hawkeye, can I go home?

Baby we're gonna see some stitching like you never saw before.

Oh, now damn it, Henry. Frank Burns is a menace! Every time a patient croaks on him, he says it's God's will or somebody else's fault.

It's a good thing you have a nice body, nurse, otherwise they'd get rid of you quick.

Oh come off it, MAJOR! You put me right off my fresh fried lobster, do you realize that? I'm going to go back to my bed, I'm going to put away the best part of a bottle of scotch... and under normal circumstances, you being normally what I would call a very attractive woman, I would have invited you back to share my little bed with me you might possibly have come. But you really put me off. I mean you're what we call a regular army clown.

Let's give him a sexy scar, huh? Fantastic