Multiple Characters quotes

Ho-Jon: Hawkeye? Duke say you better haul ass home quick. We got new chest cutter in our tent.

P.A. Announcement: Attention. Captain Banning - er, Captain Bandini. [Exhales forcefully] Attention. Captain Bandini is now performing a femoral pop-- a popli-- a p-- a femoral P-O-P-L-I-T-E-R-A-L artery expli - exp - - exploration and possible graft.

Capt. Murrhardt: Painless is a dentist, and a dentist shouldn't read. That's his whole problem.

Capt. Bandini: Something in a marshmallow?

Cpl. Judson: [Sung for Painless] Suicide is painless / it brings on many changes / and I can take or leave it / if I please

Hawkeye: Nurse, you got a clamp?
Lt. Dish: Yes.
Hawkeye: Scratch my nose.

[While making out]
Lt. Dish: I made a vow to myself that while I was gone, I was going to be-- I was going to be faithful to my husband.
Hawkeye: Those are the vows you make when you're with somebody.

Duke: Well, listen, uh, where were you when you were drafted? I was just curious.
Trapper John: Back home. I told you before.
Duke: No, I mean, what were you doing? Were you, like, a resident, or on staff someplace?
Trapper John: Mmm.
Duke: Where?
Trapper John: Hospital.
Duke: Which hospital?
Trapper John: Back home.
Duke: [To Hawkeye] Is there some reason I shouldn't know which hospital?
Hawkeye: I don't know. I will ask. Is there some reason my friend should not know the name of the hospital?
[Trapper pops his gum and shrugs.]
Hawkeye: There doesn't appear to be any reason. I've seen you somewhere before. I don't know your name, stranger, but your face is familiar. Have you always had that mustache?
[Trapper John smirks and shakes his head.]
Hawkeye: Hmm.

Hawkeye: Duke, did I ever tell you how Androscoggin College beat Dartmouth in a raging blizzard, six to nothing, because I intercepted a pass?
Duke: Yeah, you told me.
Hawkeye: They had this great passer, see? [Trapper John shrugs, smiling] And we held them nothing-nothing till the last 20 seconds, and then snow and all, he let one go. And it went sailing... boom!
Trapper John: Lucky your mouth wasn't open, it would have got stuck in your throat.
Hawkeye: Oh, baby! How are you, Trapper John McIntyre?
Trapper John: I thought you'd never remember.

Trapper John: Painless Polish Day in the shower tent?
Hawkeye: Walt Waldowski, the dentist.
Trapper John: Well, what, are those guys waiting to scrub his back or something?

[After Trapper John punches Frank Burns]
Col. Blake: Well, what's wrong with you?
Trapper John: I don't know. I must have lost my punch. I never expected the son of a bitch to get up!

Hot Lips: [About Hawkeye] I wonder how such a degenerated person ever reached a position of authority in the Army Medical Corps.
Father Mulcahy: He was drafted.

[Referring to Major Houlihan]
Trapper John: Well, what's the matter with her today?
Hawkeye: Oh, I don't know. I think it's one of those ladies' things.
Trapper John: It's not like her to act like this. She's a bitch. Look at my new flannel-- I think she's going to have a nervous breakdown.
Hawkeye: She can't even get out of the door.

[Frank Burns leaps over the mess table and tackles Hawkeye]
Hawkeye: Get him off me! I've got glasses. Get him off me!
Duke: What's going on, Frank? That lesson one?
Hawkeye: Frank Burns has gone nuts! I'm wearing glasses, for God's sake!
Trapper John: Watch out for your goodies, Hawkeye. That man is a sex maniac. I don't think Hot Lips satisfied him. Don't let him kiss you, Hawkeye!

[Father Mulcahy tells Hawkey that Painless has a problem.]
Hawkeye: What do you mean? What is it?
Father Mulcahy: Well, what is it? It's difficult to talk about, you see, because I learned about his problem in confession.
Hawkeye: Oh, and you can't--
Father Mulcahy: I can't divulge...
Hawkeye: Can you give me a hint?

[Gathered at Painless's suicide feast.]
Duke: Now then, y'all come here to say your final farewell to ol' Walt here.
Trapper John: Farewell Walt.
Duke: Dear ol' Walt. You know, I got an idea that maybe it's not such a final farewell after all. I think maybe ol' Walt's going on into the unknown to do a little recon work for us all.
Hawkeye: I just-- I just wanna say one thing. Uh, nobody ordered Walt to go on this mission. He volunteered for certain death.
Duke: That's true.
Hawkeye: That's what we award our highest medals for.
Duke: That's beautiful.
Hawkeye: That's what being a soldier is all about.
Trapper John: Oh yeah.
Capt. Bandini: Here! Here!

Hot Lips: That man is a prisoner of war, Doctor.
Trapper John: So are you, sweetheart, but you don't know it.

Duke: I'm kind of partial to blonde myself.
Hawkeye: I knew it! I knew you had a-- had an attraction for Hot Lips Houlihan
Trapper John: Here! Here!
Duke: Go to hell, Captain Pierce. You know I damn near puke every time I look at her. Besides she's-- I'll bet she's not a real blonde.
Hawkeye: How dare you say that about an officer of the United States Army!
Duke: I'll not only say it, but I'll back it with 20 bucks, How's that?
Hawkeye: You have yourself a bet, sir. [To Trapper John] You're my witness.
Trapper John: I'll be your witness, but who's gonna be the poor schmuck who finds out?

Trapper John: Look, mother, I want to go to work in one hour. We are the Pros from Dover and we figure to crack this kid's chest and get out to golf course before it gets dark. So you go find the gas-passer and you have him pre-medicate this patient. Then bring me the latest pictures on him. The ones we saw must be 48 hours old by now. Then call the kitchen and have them rustle us up some lunch. Ham and eggs will all right. Steak would be even better. And then give me at least ONE nurse who knows how to work in close without getting her tits in my way.
Capt. Peterson: [Outraged] Oh! [She turns to leave and bumps into Nurse] Oh! Fool! [She stomps off]
Nurse: How do you want your steak cooked?

Me Lay Marston: Who are you?
Hawkeye: I'm Dr. Jekyll, actually. This is my friend, Mr. Hyde.
[Trapper John grunts]

[Caught by the MPs]
Hawkeye: Where did we fail?
Trapper John: I don't know, I think it was the woman. Something tells me I've seen her someplace before.
Hawkeye: She was the one in Tangiers.

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