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Mallrats

Mallrats quotes

78 total quotes

Brodie Bruce
Jay
Multiple Characters
Rene
T.S. Quinn




View Quote Brodie: Look, if I had any kind of glow it's because I just got laid. I would look the same had I banged anyone in that elevator... present company excluded.
T.S.: Deny it all you want. I think that you're too proud to admit that you want her back.
Brodie: I suddenly want something very bad to happen to you.
T.S.: What is with you today?
[Gwen suddenly approaches T.S. from behind and accidentally elbows her in her chest and she falls to the ground in pain]
T.S.: Gwen! I'm sorry, I didn't--
Gwen: You ****er!
[In retaliation, Gwen hits T.S. in the groin with her shopping bag and he goes down]
Brodie: See, that's what you get for ****ing with me. [Gwen gets up and Brodie kicks T.S. while he's still down] Hey, Gwen. He didn't mean to hit you.
Gwen: He's got a funny way of showing it by elbowing me in my freaking tit. [she also kicks T.S.] Why the hell are you glowing?
Brodie: I'm not glowing.
View Quote Brodie: T.S. Quint, meet Tricia Jones. They call her Trish "the dish".
Tricia Jones: Nobody calls me that.
View Quote Brodie: You have my Punisher War Journal #6, my copy of "Fletch" and the remote control to my TV. Now, I know it's going to be hard to give this stuff up because of it's sentimental attachment--
Rene: Sentimental attachment? Look, if I have any of that crap it's because you brought it over my house and left it there.
Brodie: Okay, then let's talk about coming up with a schedule for visitation rights.
Rene: For what?
Brodie: For the mall. I figure you can take the odd days, I'll take the even days and weekends. When there's any special feature like a sidewalk sale--
Rene: Brodie, Brodie--
Brodie: --or a boat show--
Rene: Brodie! I've always taken you with a grain of salt. On your birthday, when you told me to do a striptease to the theme of "Mighty Mouse", I said "Okay". On prom night at the hotel when you told me to sleep under the bed in case your mother burst in, I did it. And even during my grandmother's funeral when you told my relatives that you could see her nipples through her burial dress, I let that slide. [Grabs Brodie by the ear] But if you think I'm gonna suffer any of your shit with a smile now that we're broken up, you're in for some serious ****ing disappointment.
View Quote Shannon: Smart-ass ex-boyfriend! I've got two things to tell you. One: I don't like you. I see you every week in this mall. I don't like you shiftless layabouts. You're one of those ****ing mallrat kids. You don't come to the mall to shop or work. You hang out and act like you ****ing live here. Well, I have no respect for people with no shopping agenda.
Brodie: Is this what's known as motivated salesmanship?
[Shannon punches Brodie]
Shannon: Rene told me to leave you alone, but she's ****ing clueless. The newly single always feel a bit protective of the ex-boyfriend.
Brodie: If this is her idea of protective, I'd hate to have her mad at me.
Shannon: You see, Bruce, I like to pick up girls on the rebound from a disappointing relationship. They're much more in need of solace and they're fairly open to suggestion. And, I use that to **** them some place very uncomfortable.
Brodie: What, like the back of a Volkswagen?
Shannon: No. More like someplace girls dread.
[Brodie tries to take a poke at Shannon, but Shannon gives him another beat-down]
View Quote Stan Lee: I think you need to get your friend some help. He seems to be obsessed with super hero sex organs. But he'll outgrow it.
View Quote [Explaining the details of Operation Drive By to Silent Bob] First you take a run at La Fours with a sock full of quarters. I'd do it, but I put my back out humping your mom last night. Nooch. Okay, you clock him on his headpiece and knock his ass out cold. That's when phase two kicks in. I attack the structure Wolvie Berserk style, and knock out the ****ing pin and bickety-bam! The mother****er is rubble. Hence, no game show.
View Quote Brodie: Hey, look at that ring. What is that?
Jared Svenning: That is, um, my Junior College class ring. **** Laude, '69.
Brodie: I also hope to **** loud one day, preferably in a 69.
View Quote T.S.: Haven't you ever heard the phrase "The customer is always right?"
Shannon: Let me tell you something. Let me give you a little secret, okay? [shouts in T.S.'s ear] The customer is always an asshole!
View Quote Brodie: That kid is back on the escalator again!
T.S.: Would you leave it alone?
Brodie: What?!
View Quote Silent Bob here's an electrical genius. He won the science fair in eighth grade by turning his mom's vibrator into a CD player using some chicken wire and shit. The mother****er's like MacGyver--no, the mother****er's better than MacGyver.
View Quote Brodie: You know about this game show they got going on here? We need you guys to somehow ensure that it doesn't happen.
Jay: Is that it? We were gonna do that anyway.
Brodie: Really? Why?
Jay: What else are we gonna do? Silent Bob stole the schematics from some foolish carpenter and found a weakness just like the ****ing Death Star. You knock this crossbeam out and ****ing bickety-bam! The whole stage comes crashing down.
Brodie: Well we were thinking of something simple, but, hey, if you want to destroy the stage, we're all for that.
View Quote Willam Black: When, Lord?! When the hell do I get to see the god damn sailboat?!
View Quote Brodie: [about the indoor flea market] Come on, this is the dirt mall. Cops don't come here.
T.S.: Neither does any self-respecting consumer.
View Quote Brodie: I took you shopping all the time!
Rene: You took me where you went shopping, you jerk! You think I care what store in that shit pit dirt mall has the latest Godzilla bootlegs? Do you call eating pizza in the same dive pizzeria every night eating out? Do I give a shit what two comic labels are crossing over characters, selling two editions of the book in varied-ink chromium covers?! I'm a girl, damn it! I wanna do girly things!
View Quote What you need is a fatty-boom-batty blunt, and I guarantee you'll be seeing a sailboat, an ocean, and maybe even some of those big-titted mermaids doing some of that lesbian shit. Look at me, look at me, you sloppy bitch!