Mason the Chimp quotes

[Mason and Phil have just escaped from the zoo] I hear Tom Wolfe's speaking at Lincoln Centre. [Phil signs frantically] Well of course we're going to throw poo at 'im!

If you have any poo, fling it now.

Phil! Wake up, you filthy monkey.

I say!

Marty: The penguins are going so, why can't I?
Alex: The penguins are psychotic.

Alex: This is a highly refined, type of, food... thing that you do NOT find in the wild.
Marty: Do you ever think that there's more to life than just steak, Alex?
Alex: [stares at his steak] He didn't mean that, baby. No-no-no.

King Julien: [watching Gloria cuddle Mort] They are just a bunch of panzies.
Maurice: I don't know, Julien. [referring to Alex] There's something about that guy with the crazy hair-do that I find suspicious.
King Julien: Nonsense, Maurice! Come on everybody! Let's go and meet the panzies!

Alex: What could Connecticut have to offer us?
Melman: Lyme disease.
Alex: Thank you, Melman.

[Marty and Alex seem overjoyed to be reunited. They are running towards each other on the beach in slow motion with arms outstretched and Chariots of Fire playing. Their voices are slow and toned to a low key]
Alex: Marty!
Marty: Alex!
Alex: Marty!
Marty: Al!
Alex: [angrily] Marty!
Marty: [confused] Alex?
Alex: MARTY!
Marty: [turns to run] Oh sugar, honey, ice tea!

Gloria: [about Mort] Aw, aren't you just the sweetest little thing? I just wanna dunk you in my coffee.
Melman: They are so cute from a reasonable distance.

Maurice: [to Alex] Oh my, what big teeth you have. MAN!
Julien: Shame on you, Maurice! Can you not see that you have insulted the freak? [to Alex] You must tell me, who the heck are you?
Alex: I'm Alex. THE Alex. And this is Melman, Marty and Gloria.
Maurice: And where exactly are you giants from, Hmm?
Alex: We're from New York, and--
Julien: All hail the New York Giants!
Lemurs: (cheering) NEW YORK GIANTS!!!
Alex: [to Marty, Melman and Gloria] All right, enough is enough. I say we just ask these BOZOS where the people are!
Julien: Excuse me? We bozos have the people, of course!
Alex: You do? That's good to know.
Melman: Hey! The bozos have the people!
Julien: They're up there.
[points to some human skeletons hanging from parachutes snagged on the branches of a large tree]
Julien: Don't you love the people? Not a very lively bunch though.
Alex: Oh. So, do you have any... LIVE people?
Julien: Uh, no. Only dead ones.
Maurice: Man, if we had a lot of live people, it wouldn't be called the wild, would it?
Marty: The wild?!
Alex: Hold on a second there, fuzzbucket. You mean the live-in-a-mud-hut, wipe-yourself-with-a-leaf type wild?
Julien: Who wipes? Ha ha!

Julien: [presents Alex with his crown] I am going to give you this lovely parting gift.
Alex: Oh no, really. I can't take your crown.
Julien: That's okay, I've got a better one! It's got a gecko on it! Look at him shake! Go Stevie, go!

Julien: We thank you with enormous gratitude for scaring away the Fossa.
Gloria: The whossa?
Julien: The Fossa. They're alway annoying us by trespassing, interrupting our parties, and ripping our limbs off--
Alex: Yeah, sounds great.

Gloria: Where are the people?
Skipper: We killed 'em and ate their livers.
[Gloria looks horrified]
Skipper: Gotcha! Just kidding doll, the people are fine. They're on a slow boat to China. Hang on, I know you two. Where's that psychotic lion, and our monochromatic friend?

[Last lines] Private: Skipper, don't you think we should tell them the boat's out of gas?
Skipper: Nah, just smile and wave, boys. Smile and wave.

Skipper: Quadruped! Sprechen sie Englisch?
Marty: I sprechen.
Skipper: What continent is this?
Marty: Manhattan.
Skipper: Hoover Dam! We're still in New York! Abort! Dive! Dive! Dive!
Marty: Hey, wait! You in the tux! What are you guys doing?
Private: We're digging to Antartica! [Skipper slaps him]
Skipper: Can you keep a secret, my monochromatic friend? Do you ever see any penguins walking free around New York City? Of course not. We don't belong here, it's just not natural. This is all some kind of whacked-out conspiracy. We're going to the wide open spaces of Antartica. To the wild.
Marty: The wild? You can actually go there-- that's sounds great!
Skipper: You didn't see anything... right?
Marty: Yes, sir! I mean no, sir!

[the penguins are being transfered; Kowalski is looking at the label on their crate]
Skipper: Progress report.
Kowalski: It's an older code, Skipper. I can't make it out.
[Skipper notices the chimps in the crate next to them]
Skipper: You, higher mammal! Can you read?
Mason: No. Phil can read though. Phil!
[Phil appears; Kowalski gestures towards the label; Phil starts using sign language]
Mason: Ship to... Kenya... wildlife preserve... AFRICA!
Skipper: Africa? That ain't gonna fly. Rico!
[Rico vomits up a paper clip and uses it to unpick the lock on their crate]

Alex:[after Melman burned the rescue beacon in panic] You maniac! You burned it up! Darn you! Darn you all to HECK!
Melman:[callously] Can we go to the fun side now?

Mort: I like them! I like them! Before I even met them I liked them!
Julien: Yes, yes! We get it--
Mort: You HATE them compared to how much I like them--
Julien: QUIET, YOU'RE SO ANNOYING!
[pause]
Mort: [flattered] Hee-hee!

Alex: Ow, my head! [he bumps his head on the top of his crate] What the-- I'm in a box! Oh no! Not the box! Oh no, they can't transfer ME! NOT ME! I can't breathe, can't breathe! Darkness creeping in. I can't breathe. Walls closing in around me! So alone. So alone--
Marty: Alex, are you there?
Alex: Marty?
Marty: Yeah! Talk to me, bud!
Alex: Oh Marty, you're here!
Marty: What's going on? Are you okay?
Alex: This doesn't look good, Marty.
Gloria: Alex, Marty, is that you?
Marty: Gloria! I am lovin' the sound of your voice!
Gloria: What is going on?
Alex: We're all in crates.
Gloria: Oh no!
Melman: Man, sleeping just knocks me out.
Alex: Melman!
Gloria: Are you okay?
Melman: Yeah. I often doze off while I'm getting an MRI.
Alex: Melman, you're not getting an MRI!
Melman: CAT scan?
Alex: No! No CAT scan! It's a zoo transfer!
Melman: ZOO TRANSFER?! No, I can't be transferred. I have an appointment with Dr. Goldberg at 5:00. There are prescriptions that have to be filled! No other zoo can afford my medical care, and I am NOT going HMO!
Marty: Take it easy, Melman. We are gonna be o-kiz-ay!
Alex: No Marty, we're not gonna be o-kiz-ay. Now, because of you, we're ruined!
Marty: Excuse me, I fail to see how this is my fault.
Gloria: You're kidding, right Marty?
Alex: You ticked off the people! You bit the hand, Marty! You bit the hand! "I don't know who I am! I don't know who I am? I gotta go find myself in the WILD!"
Marty: Yeah, but I didn't ask you to come after me.
Melman: He does have a point. I did say we should have stayed at the zoo but, you guys--
Alex: Melman, just shut it! You're the one who gave him this idea in in the first place!
Gloria: Alex, would you just leave Melman out of this, please!
Melman: Thank you, Gloria. Besides, it's not my fault that we were TRANSFERRED!
Gloria: Melman, shut it. Does anyone feel nauseous?
Melman: I feel nauseous.
Alex: Melman, you always feel nauseous.

Melman: I just saw 26 blatant health code violations.
Marty: I'm lovin' San Diego. This place is off the chizain.
Melman: Twenty-seven!

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