Ben: Did you hear about Lucas? It's suicide!
Rena: What do you mean?
Ben: He's gone out for the football team!

Bruno: Guys, what do you say? You coming out for the football team or not? We're trying to find you a jersey but we're all out of pup tents.
Ben: You should talk, shit breath!

Bruno: Leukoplakia! They actually found a jock strap to fit you? Somebody should stop by home ec. tomorrow to pick up a thimble. Or maybe a thimble is too big. How about a contact lens and a band aid?
Lucas: Are you referring to the size of my penis?
Bruno: Yeah, I am.
Lucas: With a flaccid penis, it's the number of folds that count. Besides, I'm not semi-erect like some of you guys here.
Bruno: What did you say?
Lucas: A University of Chicago study. You can tell the fags in a warm shower by who's got the longest dong. Hey, yours seems to be growing even now.
Bruno: The hell it is!
Lucas: It IS, look!

Bruno: Luke, Luke! Get that ball away and puke! Ben and Luke! I'm going to puke!
Lucas: Let's go...
Ben: Don't let him scare you away!
Lucas: Scare me away?
Ben: Yeah, just tell him to eat shit.

Bruno: What are you always sticking up for this wimp for?
Cappie: Why are you always picking on him?

Cappie: Are you interested in politics?
Maggie: So so.
Cappie: Are you interested in wide receivers?
Maggie: What's that?
Cappie: The position I play.
Maggie: Oh, is that what you do? Sorta.
Cappie: Are you interested in cars?
Maggie: No.
Cappie: Are you interested in being kissed?
Maggie: Yes.

Cappie: I'm just being nice to her.
Alise: Well, stop being nice to her! I don't want you talking to her anymore, I don't want to turn around and see you walking with her and smiling at her. I don't want her in this car on Friday night. We're not giving her any ride to any goddamn dance, she can put her fat ass on the back of Lucas's bike where it damn well belongs!

Coach: Bly, in!
Lucas: What position?
Coach: Prone!

Coach: Hear me good, you pissant! Because I'm only going to tell you one more time.
Lucas: Don't you call me that! Don't you call me a pissant you dumb fucking jock!
Coach: What'd you say?
Lucas: You heard me, pencil-brain! I mean, who are we kidding here, who is the pissant? The second-rate coach of a third rate team or me?

Lucas: I guess everybody has their own idea of fun. Some people go to football games. Other people do less superficial things.
Maggie: Look, just because you don't approve of something, doesn't mean other people don't have a right to enjoy it. You're in the band aren't you?
Lucas: Yeah?
Maggie: So?
Lucas: So?
Maggie: So the band goes to football games!
Lucas: We're totally different!
Maggie: Why?
Lucas: Because the band does not have fun there!

Lucas: This equipment doesn't fit.
Coach: No, it's you that don't fit.

Maggie: Where are you going?
Lucas: To the dance.
Maggie: By yourself?
Lucas: Hey, I'm a party animal.

Maggie: Why do they call you leukoplakia? Does it mean something?
Lucas: Leukoplakia is cancer of the mouth.

Maggie: You are never playing football again.
Luca: Okay.
Maggie: You.
Lucas: Magpie.
Maggie: Locust.

Maggie: You know how wonderful you are?
Lucas: Yeah, but it doesn't turn you on, does it?