Billy Mack quotes
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[having just sung the words "Love is all around me" instead of "Christmas is all around me" yet again] Oh! **** wank bugger shitting arse head and hole!
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Yes I have, Ant or Dec.
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Oh.Hiya kids. Here is an important message from your Uncle Bill. Don't buy drugs..... Become a pop star, and they give you them for free!
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[during a radio interview] ... so if you believe in Christmas, children, like your uncle Billy does, buy my festering turd of a record...
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[Billy's record makes #1 at Christmas; he gets a phone call] Hello? Elton! Of course. Of, of course! Send an embarrassingly big car and I'll be there!
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When I was young, I was greedy and foolish, and now I'm left with no one. Wrinkled and alone.
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I left Elton John's, where there were a hefty number of half-naked chicks with their mouths open, to hang out with you, at Christmas. It's a terrible mistake, Chubs, but you turn out to be the ****ing love of my life. And to be honest, despite all my complaining, we have had a wonderful life.
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Now let's get pissed and watch porn.