John: Why do you have to point out how stupid everyone is all the time?

Premium Fantasy woman: Oh Mr. Harris! Don't touch me! Mr. Bob Harris! Just rip my stocking!

Bob: Can you keep a secret? I'm trying to organize a prison break. We have to first get out of this bar, then the hotel, then the city, and then the country. Are you in or you out?
Charlotte: I'm in.

Bob: I don't want to leave.
Charlotte: Then don't. Stay here with me. We'll start a jazz band.

Bob: I was feeling tight in the shoulders and neck, so I called down and had a Shiatsu massage in my room.
Charlotte: Mmh, that's nice!
Bob: And the tightness has completely disappeared and been replaced by unbelievable pain.

Bob: It gets a whole lot more complicated when you have kids.
Charlotte: It's scary.
Bob: The most terrifying day of your life is the day the first one is born.
Charlotte: Nobody ever tells you that.
Bob: Your life, as you know it... is gone, never to return. But they learn how to walk, and they learn how to talk and you want to be with them. And they turn out to be the most delightful people you will ever meet in your life.

Bob: What are you doing?
Charlotte: My husband's a photographer, so he's here working. I wasn't doing anything so I came along.
Bob: What do you do?
Charlotte: I'm not sure yet, actually.

Charlotte: 25 years. That's uh, well it's impressive.
Bob: Well you figure, you sleep one-third of your life, that knocks out eight years of marriage right there. So you're, y'know, down to 16 and change. You know you're just a teenager, at marriage; you can drive it but there's still the occasional accident.

Charlotte: I just don't know what I'm supposed to be.
Bob: You'll figure that out. The more you know who you are, and what you want, the less you let things upset you.

Charlotte: I'm in pain, I got my foot banged up. Wanna see it?
Bob: [to Chef, sarcastically] How do you say no? Oh, my gosh! When did you do this?
Charlotte: I did it the other day. It hurts, y'know?
Bob: Didn't you feel any pain?
Charlotte: Yeah, it really hurt.
Bob: That toe is almost dead.
[Charlotte laughs]
Bob: I think I got to take you to a doctor. You can't just put that back in the shoe. Well, you either go to a doctor or you leave it here. [regarding Chef] He's smiling. You like that idea? See they love black toe in this country.

Charlotte: So, what are you doing here?
Bob: Uh, a couple of things. Taking a break from my wife, forgetting my son's birthday. And, uh, getting paid two million dollars to endorse a whiskey when I could be doing a play somewhere.
Charlotte: Oh.
Bob: But the good news is, the whiskey works.

Charlotte: That was the worst lunch.
Bob: So bad. What kind of restaurant makes you cook your own food?

Director: [in Japanese] Mr. Bob-san, you are relaxing in your study. On the table is a bottle of Suntory whiskey. Got it? Look slowly, with feeling, at the camera, and say it gently - say it as if you were speaking to an old friend. Just like Bogie in Casablanca, "Here's looking at you, kid" - Suntory time.
Ms. Kawasaki: Umm. He want you to turn, looking at camera. OK?
Bob: That's all he said?
Ms. Kawasaki: Yes. Turn to camera.
Bob: All right. Does he want me to turn from the right, or turn from the left?
Ms. Kawasaki: [to director, in Japanese] Uh, umm. He's ready now. He just wants to know if he's supposed to turn from the left or turn from the right when the camera rolls. What should I tell him?
Director: [in Japanese] What difference does it make! Makes no difference! Don't have time for that! Got it, Bob-san? Just psych yourself up, and quick! Look straight at the camera. At the camera. And slowly. With passion. Straight at the camera. And in your eyes there's... passion. Got it?
Ms. Kawasaki: [to Bob] Right side. And with intensity. OK?
Bob: Is that everything? It seemed like he said quite a bit more than that.
Director: [to Bob, in Japanese] Listen, listen. This isn't just about whiskey. Understand? Imagine you're talking to an old friend. Gently. The emotions bubble up from the bottom of your heart. And don't forget, psych yourself up!
Ms. Kawasaki: Like an old friend. And, into the camera.
Bob: OK.
Director: [in Japanese] Got it? You love whiskey. It's Suntory time. OK?
Bob: OK.

Kelly: I'm under Evelyn Waugh.
Charlotte: Evelyn Waugh was a man.

Kelly: John, John. You are my favorite photographer.
John: Ohhh...
Kelly: No, you are. I only want you to shoot me. It's true. [both laugh] Oh my God, I have the worst B.O. right now. I'm sorry.