Lord of War

Lord of War quotes

39 total quotes (ID: 357)

Agent Valentine
Dialogues
Other
Simeon Weisz
Yuri Orlov


I sell guns to every army but the Salvation Army.


I sell to leftists, and rightists. I sell to pacifists, but they're not the most regular customers.

I'd tell you to go to hell, but I think you're already there.

Interpol Agent Jack Valentine couldn't be bought. At least, not with money. For Jack, glory was the prize.

Of all the weapons in the vast soviet arsenal nothing was more profitable than Avtomat Kalashnikova model of 1947, more commonly known as the AK-47, or Kalashnikov. It's the worlds most popular assault rifle, a weapon all fighters love. An elegantly simple nine pound amalgamation of forged steel and plywood, it doesn't break, jam, or overheat. It will fire whether it's covered in mud or filled with sand. It's so easy even a child could use it, and they do. The Soviets put the gun on a coin. Mozambique put it on their flag. Since the end of the Cold War, the Kalashnikov has become the Russian people's greatest export. After that comes vodka, caviar, and suicidal novelists. One thing is for sure, no one was lining up to buy their cars.

Remember Yuri, take sides

Say what you like about warlords and dictators; they always pay their bills on time.

Selling guns is like selling vacuum cleaners; you make calls, pound the pavement, take orders. I was an equal-opportunity merchant of death; I supplied to every army but the Salvation Army. I sold Israeli-made Uzis to Muslims...I delivered Communist-made bullets to fascists...I even shipped cargo to Afghanistan while they were fighting my fellow Soviets. I never sold to Osama bin Laden—not on any moral grounds; back then, he was always bouncing checks.

Some of the most successful relationships are based on lies and deceit. Since that's where they usually end up anyway, it's a logical place to start.

The first and most important rule of gun-running is, never get shot with your own merchandise.

The first time you sell a gun is a lot like the first time you have sex. You have absolutely no idea what you're doing, but it is exciting...and one way or another it's over way too fast.

The problem with dating dream girls is that they have a tendency to become real.

The problem with gun runners going to war, is that there is no shortage of ammunition.

The reason I'll be released is the same reason you think I'll be convicted. I do rub shoulders with some of the most vile, sadistic men calling themselves leaders today. But some of these men are the enemies of your enemies. And while the biggest arms dealer in the world is your boss--the President of the United States, who ships more merchandise in a day than I do in a year--sometimes it's embarrassing to have his fingerprints on the guns. Sometimes he needs a freelancer like me to supply forces he can't be seen supplying. So. You call me evil, but unfortunately for you, I'm a necessary evil.

The second rule of gun-running is always ensure you have a foolproof way of getting paid, preferably in advance, preferably to an offshore account.