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Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels quotes

69 total quotes

Bacon
Barry the Baptist
Eddie
Multiple Characters
Rory Breaker
Soap
Tom




View Quote Rory Breaker: Your stupidity may be your one saving grace.
Nick the Greek: Uuugh?
Rory Breaker: Don't "uuugh" me, Greek boy! How is it, that your soon to be dead friends thought they might be able to steal my canabis, and then sell it back to me? Is this some white ****'s joke, that black ****s don't get? Coz I ain't ****in' laughing Nich-ohl-arse.
View Quote Lock, stock, the ****in' lot.
View Quote Dean: He's got the guns. Go ahead. You get them.
Gary: Why me?
Dean: You're supposed to be the hard case.
Gary: [shrieks] You get the guns. I drive the car!
View Quote Mother! Brother! Any other sucker! They're still ****ing guns! And they still fire ****ing bullets!
View Quote [Trying to stop his monitor switching off] Come on! Not now, please, not - [monitor goes off] Oh, you ****ing bastard.
View Quote Don: I'll fold.
Phil: Fold? Is that the only word you learnt at school?
Don: No, I also learned the word ****!
View Quote Paul: Come take a look at this.
Traffic Warden: Take a look at what, exactly?
Paul: Well, the van's half-full. So all I have to do is fill it up, put you in it, [knocks him out] and I'm off.
View Quote Guns for a show, knives for a pro
View Quote There's no money, there's no weed. It's all been replaced by a pile of corpses.
View Quote Soap: Have a look at these. [hands Tom a ski mask]
Tom: What are we supposed to do with these?
Soap: Put them on your head, stupid.
Tom: Christ.
Soap: If you think I'm turning up clean-shaven and greet them with a grin, you've got another thing coming. These fellas are your neighbors. I thought it might be a good idea to disguise ourselves.
Tom: Right...er, good thinking, Soap. Well done.
Soap: I brought weapons as well.
Tom: What do you mean weapons?
Soap: [pulls a bundle from his coat and unrolls it, revealing many large knives] These.
Tom: Jesus! [grabs the bundle and rerolls it] Let's keep 'em covered up, eh? Couldn't you get anything bigger?
Soap: [pulls a machete from his trousers]] What, like that? What d'you think?
Tom: I think you need help.
View Quote J: [Discussing their careers as marijuana growers] I've a strong suspicion we should have been rocket scientists, or Nobel Peace Prize winners or something.
Charles: Peace Prize? Ooh. Be lucky to find your penis for a piss, the amount you keep smoking.
View Quote Eddie: Where the hell are we gonna hide?
Bacon: Don't complicate things, just hide!
View Quote Anyway, **** it. The battle is over and the war is won.
View Quote Oi! Keep your fingers out of my soup!
View Quote Rory Breaker: What did you shoot him with, an air rifle?
Winston: Look, we grow weed. We're not mercenaries.
Rory Breaker: You don't say.