Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels quotes

69 total quotes (ID: 353)

Bacon
Barry the Baptist
Eddie
Multiple Characters
Rory Breaker
Soap
Tom


Is this some white ****s' joke that black ****s don't get? 'Cause I'm not ****ing laughing Nicholas (comically pronounced Nee-Cole-Us).


(To Tom about the guns) So, the only thing connecting us to the case, is in the back of your car which is parked outside?!

It's a deal, it's a steal, it's a sale of the ****ing century! In fact, **** it, Nick, I think I'll keep it.

Eddie: Oh, and if Tom or anyone else for that matter feels like givin' them a bit of a kickin', I'm sure it won't do any harm.
Soap: Yeah, little bit of pain never hurt anybody. If you know what I mean. Also, I think knives are a good idea. Big, ****-off shiny ones. Ones that look like they could skin a crocodile. Knives are good, because they don't make any noise, and the less noise they make, the more likely we are to use them. Shit 'em right up. Makes it look like we're serious. Guns for show, knives for a pro.
Tom: Soap, is there something we should know about you?
Bacon: I'm not sure what's more worrying. The job or your past.

What do you want a medal? I'll shoot you in the ****ing throat if I don't get my ganja back!

Gary: So who's the gov'? Who we doing this for?
Barry the Baptist: You're doing it for me, that's all you need to know. You know because you need to know.
Gary: I see. One of them "on a need to know basis" things is it? Like one of them James Bond films.
Barry the Baptist: Careful. Remember who's giving you this job.

Rory Breaker: Your stupidity may be your one saving grace.
Nick the Greek: Uuugh?
Rory Breaker: Don't "uuugh" me, Greek boy! How is it, that your soon to be dead friends thought they might be able to steal my canabis, and then sell it back to me? Is this some white ****'s joke, that black ****s don't get? Coz I ain't ****in' laughing Nich-ohl-arse.

A minute ago this was the safest job in the world. Now it's turning into a bad day in Bosnia.

[Trying to stop his monitor switching off] Come on! Not now, please, not - [monitor goes off] Oh, you ****ing bastard.

Big Chris: I've got some bad news for you, John.
John: What the ****?
[Chris slamms top of tanning bed on John]
Big Chris: Mind your language in front of the boy!
John: Jesus Christ!
[Chris does it again]
Big Chris: That includes blasphemy as well!

Gary: Shotguns? What, like guns that fire shots?
Barry the Baptist: Oh, you must be the brains then. Yes, that's right, guns that fire shots.

We're gonna do a proper decoration job. I want the grey skies of London illuminated. I want that house painted red.

Don: I'll fold.
Phil: Fold? Is that the only word you learnt at school?
Don: No, I also learned the word ****!

The entire British Empire was built on cups of tea, and if you think I'm going to war without one, mate you're mistaken.

Lock, stock, the ****in' lot.