Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels quotes

69 total quotes (ID: 353)

Bacon
Barry the Baptist
Eddie
Multiple Characters
Rory Breaker
Soap
Tom


Barry the Baptist: Hello son, would you like a lolly?
Little Chris: Piss off, you nonce!


Let me tell you about Hatchet Harry. Once there was this geezer called Smithy Robinson, who worked for Harry. It was rumoured that he was on the take. Harry's invited Smithy round for explanation. Smithy didn't do a very good job. Within a minute, Harry's lost his rag. Reached out for the nearest thing at hand which happened to be a 15-inch black rubber ****. He's then proceeded to batter poor Smithy to death with it. Now, that was seen as a pleasant way to go, hence, Hatchet Harry is the man you pay if you owe.

Hello boy, feeling a bit poorly? I know your friends are responsible for most of the cash so I'm gonna give you one week to find it. Otherwise I will take a finger of each of you and your friends' hands for everyday that passes without payment. And then when you run out of digits, your dad's bar and who knows what then. All right, my son?

Big Chris: It's been emotional.

Big Chris: All right, son: roll them guns up, count the money, and put your seat belt on.

Hatchet Harry: I don't want to know who you use, as long as they're not complete muppets.

Winston: Charles, get the rifle out. We're being ****ed.

Plank: [gets hit with an air rifle] Ah! They ****ing shot me!
Dog: Well, shoot 'em back!
Plank: [shoots wildly]
John: Jesus, Plank, couldn't you have got smokeless cartridges? I can't see a bloody thi - Ah! Shit! I've been shot!
Dog: I don't ****ing believe this! Can everyone stop gettin' shot?

Get Nick, that greasy wop, shistos, pesevengi, gamouri Greek bastard, if he's stupid enough to still be on this planet.

Eddie: They're armed.
Soap: What do you mean armed? Armed with what?
Eddie: Err, bad breath, colourful language, feather duster... what do you think they're gonna be armed with? Guns, you tit!

If the milk turns out to be sour, I ain't the kinda pussy to drink it.

Winston: Alarm bells are ringing Willy.

J.D.:You're lucky you're still breathing. Let alone able to walk. I suggest you take full advantage of that fact.

(to Dog holding up a gun)Bend over the ****ing desk!

Eddie: Oh, and if Tom or anyone else for that matter feels like givin' them a bit of a kickin', I'm sure it won't do any harm.
Soap: Yeah, little bit of pain never hurt anybody. If you know what I mean. Also, I think knives are a good idea. Big, ****-off shiny ones. Ones that look like they could skin a crocodile. Knives are good, because they don't make any noise, and the less noise they make, the more likely we are to use them. Shit 'em right up. Makes it look like we're serious. Guns for show, knives for a pro.
Tom: Soap, is there something we should know about you?
Bacon: I'm not sure what's more worrying. The job or your past.