Other quotes

Peeper: I think Victoria just told me her Secret.
Blind deacon: [after sensing Nicky's presence] You make the Lord very nervous.
Cardinal: In today's gospel, the Lord tells us how we should live if we wish to obtain the splendor of heaven...or something like that. Jesus this, Moses that, Abraham hit me with a wiffle ball bat.
Basketball audience member: Now that was some straight up David Copperfield shit!
Townie: You can do it, Nicky! Kick him in his hairy balls!
Todd: [after hearing Mr. Beefy singing in his sleep] That is the most horrifying thing I have ever seen.

Satan: But after much thought and careful consideration, I've decided that the ruler for the next ten thousand years is going to have to be...me.
Cassius and Adrian: What!?
Nicky: Hallelujah.
(they stare at Nicky) I mean...that sucks!

[peeper takes out a cell phone and dials. The son answers.]
Scottie: Hello?
Peeper: Hello, Scottie. Say, why don't be a good little boy and go downstairs and let your mother get comfy, alright?
Scottie: Who is this?
Peeper: This is a big bird who wants to see the rest of mommy. Hahahaha.
Mother: Oh my God, Scottie. Is that a man up our tree?
Peeper: No, no! Tell it's just a bird! It's just a big bird!

[NFL quarterback Dan Marino tries to strike a bargain with Satan.]
Satan: I'm sorry. After careful consideration, I regretfully have to decline.
Dan Marino: C'mon, man, I'm just asking — let me win one Super Bowl.
Satan: In exchange for eternal damnation of your soul? You're too nice of a guy for me to want to do that to you, Mr. Marino.
Dan Marino: You did it for Namath.
Satan: Yeah, but Joe was coming here anyways.

Jimmy the demon: You were gone ten seconds. What happened?
Nicky: I got hit by a big light that was attached to a lot of metal.
Satan:That's a train, son. Don't stand in front of them.
Nicky: Well, I guess I'm going to have to take a mulligan on this one.

Beefy:It's not gonna be easy. Your brothers can possess people. So they probably won't look like themselves. You have to be suspicious of everyone.
Nicky: Alright, "bro". Well, the jig is up then!
(pulls out the flask) Get in the flask. C'mon, slide right in there.
Beefy: It's not me, moron.
Nicky: Oh. Sorry.

Beefy: Now eat up, you're gonna need you energy.
Nicky: I got energy up the ying-yang! Let's go save dad!
[runs out onto street with flask]
Nicky: Adrian! Cassius!
[gets hit by a bus]
Beefy: Oh boy..

Popeye's employee: May I help you?
Nicky: Get in the flask!
Popeye's employee: What are you talking about, man?
Nicky: ...I'm talking about an..eight piece meal. Let's go.

Todd: Aren't you boiling hot in that outfit?
Nicky: No.
Todd: It's like eighty degrees in this hallway. Where you from? The South?
Nicky: Yes. The deep South. Hahahaha!
Todd: Why is that funny?
Nicky: I don't know.

Woman: The lord gave my son the strength to get off drugs!
Cardinal: Ma'am I know your son, and believe me, he was better off on the drugs. At least when he was smoking hash he used to make me laugh occasionally.

Valerie: My dad's an optometrist.
Nicky: My dad's in hell and he's falling apart.

[before he makes a shot at a basketball game]
Nicky: (to basketball) Release the evil.
[the ball explodes]
Nicky: Okay, too much evil.

[Beefy is making love to another dog]
Beefy: say "Mr. Beefy!" Say it! Say it!
Female dog: Sigh.."Mr. Beefy"
Beefy: And "I love you".

Nicky: Good luck with the nipple rubbing..
Nipples: I don't need luck. I'm good!

[Nicky and Beefy are watching "Live with Regis and Kathie Lee"]
Regis: So I was driving to work today. Some bozo in a Cadillac cuts me off. So I followed him. When he got out of his car, I run up behind this guy and I start bashing his brains in with this bat. Did you ever see "The Untouchables"? I was De Niro!
Audience member: What's happened to you, Regis?!

[after Nicky tests his powers on a can of Coke]
Todd: Were you about to drink one of my Cokes?
Nicky: No. I was just looking at it. It's beautiful.
[Todd takes a sip]
Todd: This Coke taste like Pepsi.
Beefy: You changed a Coke..into a Pepsi.. That was your big transformation??
Nicky: Come on man, give it up a little.. I mean it was pretty good for my first try.
Beefy: Do you even care that your brothers are killing your father!?
Nicky: Yes I care! And he is not going to die! (Flames come in Nicky's eyes then a loud explosion is heard. Todd walks out of a smoky hallway.)
Todd: I'm freaked out. My television just blew up.
Nicky: You're damn right it did!! I mean, really?

John: Hey Nicky, Check this out! (spins Ozzy record backwards, just noise) What's Ozzy trying to say?
Nicky: John, absolutely nothing. The Blizard always came straight with his messages. But wrap your minds around this gentlemen. [gets "Chicago" record] "Chicago".
[Nicky plays the "Chicago" album normal]
Todd: I love this song.
[Nicky spins a "Chicago" album backwards]
Voice: I command you, in the name of Lucifer, to spill the blood of the innocent!
Peter: Oh my God, "Chicago" kicks ass!

[after Nicky attacks the Blind deacon for insulting him and Valerie]
Valerie: Did you do that?
Nicky: No one calls my girl an evil slut.

[after being ratted out by Peter and John]
Todd: Judas!
Peter: Yeah, Judas Priest, maybe.

Todd: You know, I was in love once but she said I wasn't financially reliable and she needed that.
John: Now, by "she", do you mean "he"?
Todd: No.
Beefy: Busted!

Nicky: I feel strange. I can't stop thinking about this girl, Valerie.
Todd: Why? Did she hurt you? Do you need to cry on my shoulder?
John: Easy there, Liberace.

Todd: Hey you guys can crash here. I have a futon.
John: Eh, that's a big pass, Elton John.

Satan: That's right. You heard me, Holly.
Holly: What?
Satan: I'm still in love with you.

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