Liar Liar quotes

View Quote Max: Do the claw to mom, dad, do the claw to mom!
Fletcher: Uh-oh. You've found the claw's only weakness. Subzero temperatures.
Audrey: So did you have any trouble finding the place?
Fletcher: All right, I'm late. I ran oughta gas! The gage is broken. Rough neighborhood too. Good thing I was wearing neutral gang colors. Might've had to rip out my nine and bust a cap! My mind on my money and my money on my mind!
Audrey: They'd never hurt you, Fletcher. You're their lawyer.
Fletcher: Ooh. That was below the belt. Try to keep the gloves up.
Max: Mom, Dad's taking me to see wrestling!
Audrey: Ugh. Fletcher!
Fletcher: Ugh. Audrey!

View Quote Judge Stevens: Mr. Reede, one more word out of you, and I will hold you in contempt!
Fletcher: I hold myself in contempt! Why should you be any different?

View Quote Audrey: Well, what were you doing?
Fletcher: Having sex!
Audrey: Well, I hope it was with someone very special!
Fletcher: No, see that's the thing, I don't even like her, but she's a partner and I thought I could get ahead by making her squealllAAAAHH! (Throws phone away)

View Quote Max: My teacher tells me beauty is on the inside.
Fletcher: That's just something ugly people say.

View Quote Fletcher: Is this guy right for you? I mean, he's just so, not me!
Audrey: Yes, that's one of his best qualities.
Fletcher: Yeah, but he's kind of, magoo... I'm sorry.
Audrey: You're wrong! I mean, sometimes, maybe yes, he is a little bit...
Fletcher: Magoo!
Audrey: Yes.

View Quote The fact that my client has been ridden more than Seattle Slew is irrelevant.

View Quote Receptionist: Hey, Mr Reede! Like the new dress?
Fletcher: Whatever takes the focus off your head!

View Quote Guy in the Washroom: What the hell are you doing?
Fletcher: I'm kicking my ass! Do you mind?

View Quote The pen is blue! The pen is blue! The Goddamn pen is blue!

View Quote Fletcher: Mrs. Cole, the only problem here is that after you've provided years of faithful service and loving support raising his children - They are his?
Samantha: Oh yeah. One for sure.
Fletcher: After all that, your husband wants to deny you a fair and equitable share of the marital assets based on one single act of indiscretion.
Samantha: Seven.
Fletcher: Beg your pardon?
Samantha: Seven single acts of indiscretion.
Fletcher: SEVEN! acts of indiscretion, only one of which he has any evidence and all of which he himself is responsible for.

View Quote Fletcher: I was hoping after being married to me you'd have no more strength left.
Audrey: Well, you have to remember that when we were married, I wasn't having sex nearly as often as you were.

View Quote I'm so glad my gift could bring them closer together. My plan to completely phase myself out is almost complete!

View Quote Fletcher: Mr. Falk, would I be accurate, if I described your relationship with Mrs. Cole as totally professional? I object, Your Honor, and I move to strike!
Judge Stevens: Mr. Reede, I don't know what you're on, but you better get to the point, and quick!

View Quote Fletcher: Oh, come on! Your honor, how can it be proved that the male voice on that tape is not Mr. Cole himself?
Samantha: [voice on tape] You are such a better lover than my husband!

View Quote Fletcher: I'm a bad father!
Audrey: You're not a bad father...when you show up.