Liar Liar

Liar Liar quotes

56 total quotes (ID: 771)

Fletcher Reede
Max Reede


The fact that my client has been ridden more than Seattle Slew is irrelevant.


Fletcher: Mrs. Cole, the only problem here is that after you've provided years of faithful service and loving support raising his children - They are his?
Samantha: Oh yeah. One for sure.
Fletcher: After all that, your husband wants to deny you a fair and equitable share of the marital assets based on one single act of indiscretion.
Samantha: Seven.
Fletcher: Beg your pardon?
Samantha: Seven single acts of indiscretion.
Fletcher: SEVEN! acts of indiscretion, only one of which he has any evidence and all of which he himself is responsible for.

Office Worker: Hey, Fletcher, how's it hanging?
Fletcher: [groans] Short, shriveled, and always to the left.

Guy in the Washroom: What the hell are you doing?
Fletcher: I'm kicking my ass! Do you mind?

Fletcher: Is this guy right for you? I mean, he's just so, not me!
Audrey: Yes, that's one of his best qualities.
Fletcher: Yeah, but he's kind of, magoo... I'm sorry.
Audrey: You're wrong! I mean, sometimes, maybe yes, he is a little bit...
Fletcher: Magoo!
Audrey: Yes.

Driver: What's your problem, Schmuck?
Fletcher: I'm an inconsiderate prick!

Fletcher: I was hoping after being married to me you'd have no more strength left.
Audrey: Well, you have to remember that when we were married, I wasn't having sex nearly as often as you were.

Judge Stevens: Mr. Reede, one more word out of you, and I will hold you in contempt!
Fletcher: I hold myself in contempt! Why should you be any different?

Fletcher: Oh, come on! Your honor, how can it be proved that the male voice on that tape is not Mr. Cole himself?
Samantha: [voice on tape] You are such a better lover than my husband!

Audrey: Well, what were you doing?
Fletcher: Having sex!
Audrey: Well, I hope it was with someone very special!
Fletcher: No, see that's the thing, I don't even like her, but she's a partner and I thought I could get ahead by making her squealllAAAAHH! (Throws phone away)

Fletcher: Mr. Falk, would I be accurate, if I described your relationship with Mrs. Cole as totally professional? I object, Your Honor, and I move to strike!
Judge Stevens: Mr. Reede, I don't know what you're on, but you better get to the point, and quick!

I'm so glad my gift could bring them closer together. My plan to completely phase myself out is almost complete!

Fletcher: I'm a bad father!
Audrey: You're not a bad father...when you show up.

Fletcher: Are you marrying this guy because you're mad at me?
Audrey: No - I divorced you because I was mad at you.

It's... THE CLAW!!!