A lot of you are probably wondering why Jerry couldn't make it this evening. Well, he's tied up -- and I'm the one who tied him. [laughter] You think I'm joking, but that's the only way I could break into show business -- by hijacking Jerry Langford. [laughter] I'm not kidding. Right now, Jerry Langford is strapped to a bedstead somewhere in the middle of this city. [laughter] Go ahead. Laugh. But the fact is ... I'm here. Tomorrow you'll know I wasn't kidding and you'll think I was crazy. But I figured it this way: better to be king for a night than schmuck for a lifetime!
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