Juno quotes

89 total quotes

Bren MacGuff
Juno MacGuff
Mac MacGuff
Multiple Characters

View Quote As far as boyfriends go, Paulie Bleeker is totally boss. He is the cheese to my macaroni.

View Quote You should've gone to China, you know, 'cause I hear they give away babies like free iPods. You know, they pretty much just put them in those t-shirt guns and shoot them out at sporting events.

View Quote My axe is named Roosevelt. After Franklin, not Ted. Franklin was the hot one with the polio.

View Quote Paulie: I still have your underwear.
Juno: I still have your virginity.
Paulie: [exasperated] Would you shut up?

View Quote Mark: Vanessa gave me my own room for all my stuff.
Juno: She gave you your own room in...in your whole house? For your...for your stuff? Wow, she's got you on a long leash, Mark.

View Quote Vanessa: How do I look?
Bren: Like a new mom. Scared shitless.

View Quote We don't have a dog because you're allergic to their saliva.

View Quote Next time I see that Bleeker kid I'm going to punch him in the wiener.

View Quote Hold on — I'm on my hamburger phone.

View Quote You don't understand. Mark is a married man. There are boundaries.

View Quote My stepmom, Bren, makes me eat super healthy, you know? I can't stand in front of the microwave, and no red M&Ms. I hope you're ready.

View Quote Juno: So have you and Vanessa thought of a name for the baby yet?
Mark: Well, sort of. Vanessa likes Madison for a girl.
Juno: [aghast] Madison? Isn't that kind of... I don't know, gay?

View Quote I think that kids get bored and they have intercourse.

View Quote Juno: Oh, wicked pic in the PennySaver, by the way. Super classy — not like those people with the fake woods in the background. Honestly, who do they think they're fooling?
Vanessa: You found us in the PennySaver?

View Quote Bren, use a dick! I love it!