Juno

Juno quotes

89 total quotes (ID: 307)

Bren MacGuff
Juno MacGuff
Mac MacGuff
Multiple Characters


Juno: My dad had this weird obsession with Roman or Greek mythology or something and he decided to name me after Zeus' wife.
Mark: Zeus' wife?
Juno: Yeah and I mean Zeus had tons of lays but I'm pretty sure Juno was his only wife. And apparently she was supposed to be super beautiful but really mean...kind of like Diana Ross.


Someone else is gonna find a precious blessing from Jesus in this garbage dump of a situation.

Paulie: I still have your underwear.
Juno: I still have your virginity.
Paulie: [exasperated] Would you shut up?

That's my stepmom, Bren. She's completely obsessed with dogs, owns a nail salon, and always smells like methyl methacrylate.

Juno: I think I'm in love with you.
Paulie: You mean as friends?
Juno: No, I mean, like, for real. 'Cause you're, like, the coolest person I've ever met — and you don't even have to try, you know...
Paulie: I try really hard, actually.
[...]
Paulie: Can we make out now?
Juno: Yeah. [kisses him]

Juno: So have you and Vanessa thought of a name for the baby yet?
Mark: Well, sort of. Vanessa likes Madison for a girl.
Juno: [aghast] Madison? Isn't that kind of... I don't know, gay?

My axe is named Roosevelt. After Franklin, not Ted. Franklin was the hot one with the polio.

Juno: Well, I'm sorry I had sex with you. I know it wasn’t your idea.
Paulie: Whose idea was it?
Juno: I'll see you at school, okay? [mounts her bicycle and rides off]
Paulie: [to no one in particular] Whose idea was it?

In my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty... handsome, what have you, the right person will still think the sun shines out your ass. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with.

Leah: Yo yo yiggidy yo.
Juno: I'm a suicide risk.
Leah: Juno?
Juno: No, it's Morgan Freeman, do you have any bones that need collecting?
Leah: Only the one in my pants, haha.

When I see them all running like that, with their things bouncing around in their shorts, I always picture them naked, even if I don't want to. All I see are pork swords.

As far as boyfriends go, Paulie Bleeker is totally boss. He is the cheese to my macaroni.

Leah: All right, how about this one? "Healthy, educated couple seeking infant to join our family of five. You will be compensated. Help us complete the circle of love."
Juno: Yeesh, they sound like a cult, is what the sound like! And besides they already have three kids. They're just like greedy little bitches!

Yes, hello? I need to procure a hasty abortion?... What was that? I’m sorry, I’m on my hamburger phone. It’s kind of awkward to talk on. It’s really more of a novelty than a functional appliance.

Juno: Ow, ow, ****ity-ow! Bren, when do I get that spinal tap thing?
Bren: It's called a spinal block, and you can't have it yet, honey. The doctor said you're not dilated enough.
Juno: You mean I have to wait for it to get worse! Why can't they just give it to me now?
Bren:: Well, honey, doctors are sadists who like to play God and watch lesser people scream.