Joe Versus the Volcano

Joe Versus the Volcano quotes

42 total quotes (ID: 304)

Frank Waturi
Joe Banks
Multiple Characters
Patricia Graynamore


Angelica: You're in a rotten mood.
Patricia: It's the sunshine. Gets me down.


Joe: Wait, I don't want to get married!
Patricia: What is the problem? You afraid of the commitment? You're going to have to love and honor me for about 30 seconds. You can't handle that?
Joe: All right. Marry us.

Joe: I've never been to L.A. before.
Angelica: What do you think?
Joe: It looks fake. I like it!

It's always gonna be something with you, isn't it Joe?

[to DeDe] I mean, who am I? That's the real question, isn't it? Who am I? Who are you? What other questions are there? What other questions are there, really? If you want to understand the universe, embrace the universe, the door to the universe is you!

Marshall: They just pay me to drive the limo, sir. I'm not here to tell you who you are.
Joe: I didn't ask you to tell me who I am.
Marshall: You were hinting around about clothes. That happens to be a very important topic to me, sir. Clothes, Mr...
Joe: Banks.
Marshall: Banks. Clothes make the man. I believe that. You say to me you want to go shopping, you want to buy clothes, but you don't know what kind. You leave that hanging in the air, like I'm going to fill in the blank, that to me is like asking me who you are, and I don't know who you are, I don't want to know. It's taken me my whole life to find out who I am, and I'm tired now, you hear what I'm saying?

[to Joe] You mean you were diagnosed with something called a brain cloud and didn't ask for a second opinion?

Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life.

[to Joe] Do you think I feel good? Nobody feels good. After childhood, it's a fact of life. I feel rotten. So what? I don't let it bother me. I don't let it interfere with my job.

[on the phone, repeated] Yeah, Harry, but can he do the job? I know he can get the job, but can he do the job? I'm not arguing that with you. I'm not arguing that with you. I'm not arguing that with you.

Patricia: Wait, stop right there! I love you! I've fallen in love with you. I've never loved anybody. I don't know how it happened. I never even slept with you or anything. And now you're gonna kill yourself.
Joe: [to the Chief] Can you give us a minute?
[Chief nods]
Joe: You love me?
Patricia: Yes, I love you. I can feel my heart...I feel like I'm going crazy. You can't just die and leave me alone on this stinking earth without you.
Joe: I've gotta do it.
Patricia: Why? Why? The Chief doesn't even want you to do it. Do you, Chief?
Joe: 'Cause I've wasted my entire life and I'm gonna die. Now I have a chance to die like a man, and I'm gonna take it. I've gotta take it.
Patricia: I love you!
Joe: I love you, too! I've never been in love with anybody before, either. It's great. I'm glad. But the timing stinks. [kisses her on the cheek] I've gotta go.

[to Angelica] If you have a choice between killing yourself and doing something you're scared of doing, why not take the leap and do the thing you're scared of doing?

Patricia: That outfit's wearing you, Felix.
Joe: Why are you calling me Felix? My name is Joe.
Patricia: I am calling you Felix because I do what I want.

[to Patricia] I tell you one thing, though. Wherever we go, whatever we do, we're gonna take this luggage with us!

[to DeDe] I bribed them to sing a song that would drive us insane and make our hearts swell and burst.