Joe Versus the Volcano

Joe Versus the Volcano quotes

42 total quotes (ID: 304)

Frank Waturi
Joe Banks
Multiple Characters
Patricia Graynamore


[on the phone] No. No. You were wrong. He was wrong. Who said that? I didn't say that. If I had said that, I would've been wrong. I would've been wrong, Harry, isn't that right?


Dr. Ellison: You have some time left, Mr. Banks. You have some life left. My advice to you is: live it well.

Samuel Harvey Graynamore: Well, does it take more guts to twice traverse a staircase in a burning building, or to make a one-time leap into a volcano? Damned if I know, Kimosabe. All I know is when you're making those kind of calls, you're up in the high country.

Marshall: You're coming into focus, kid

Angelica Graynamore: I have no response to that.

Angelica Graynamore: I am completely untrustworthy... I'm a flibbertigibbet.

Waponis Chief: We are the children of children and we live as we are shown.

Dr. Ellison: And what did you do in the fire department?
Joe: Well... I put out fires.

Joe: You look terrible, Mr. Waturi. You look like a bag of shit stuffed in a cheap suit. Not that anyone could look good under these zombie lights. I, I, I, I can feel them sucking the juice out of my eyeball. Suck, suck, suck, SUCK... [makes a sucking noise] For 300 bucks a week, that's the news. For 300 bucks a week, I've lived in this sink, this used rubber.
Mr. Waturi: You watch it, mister! There's a woman here!
Joe: Don't you think I know that, Frank? Don't you think I am aware there is a woman here? I can smell her, like, like a flower. I can taste her, like sugar on my tongue. When I'm 20 feet away I can hear the fabric of her dress when she moves in her chair. Not that I've done anything about it. I've gone all day, every day, not doing, not saying, not taking the chance for three hundred bucks a week, and Frank the coffee stinks it's like arsenic, the lights give me a headache if the lights don't give you a headache you must be dead, let's arrange the funeral.
Mr. Waturi: You better get outta here right now! I'm telling you!
Joe: You're telling me nothing. And why, I ask myself, why have I put up with you? I can't imagine but now I know. Fear. Yellow freakin' fear. I've been too chicken shit afraid to live my life so I sold it to you for three hundred freakin' dollars a week! You're lucky I don't kill you! You're lucky I don't rip your freakin' throat out! But I'm not going to and maybe you're not so lucky at that. 'Cause I'm gonna leave you here, Mr. Waturi, and what could be worse than that?

Marshall: They just pay me to drive the limo, sir. I'm not here to tell you who you are.
Joe: I didn't ask you to tell me who I am.
Marshall: You were hinting around about clothes. That happens to be a very important topic to me, sir. Clothes, Mr...
Joe: Banks.
Marshall: Banks. Clothes make the man. I believe that. You say to me you want to go shopping, you want to buy clothes, but you don't know what kind. You leave that hanging in the air, like I'm going to fill in the blank, that to me is like asking me who you are, and I don't know who you are, I don't want to know. It's taken me my whole life to find out who I am, and I'm tired now, you hear what I'm saying?

Marshall: What kinda clothes do you got now?
Joe: Well, I got the kinda clothes I'm wearing.
Marshall: So you got no clothes.

[Joe and Marshall are both wearing Armani tuxedos]
Joe: Feel like I'm getting married.
Marshall: I feel like I'm giving you away.

Luggage Salesman: Have you thought much about luggage, Mr. Banks?
Joe: No.
Luggage Salesman: It's the central preoccupation of my life.

Joe: And then I'll be staying on a tiny island and I don't know if I'll be living in a hut, or what.
Luggage Salesman: Very exciting... as a luggage problem.

Luggage Salesman: This is our premier steamer trunk, it's all handmade, only the finest materials. It's even watertight, tight as a drum. If I had the need, and the wherewithal, Mr. Banks, this would be my trunk of choice.
Joe: I'll take four of them.
Luggage Salesman: May you live to be a thousand years old, sir.