Joe Versus the Volcano

Joe Versus the Volcano quotes

42 total quotes (ID: 304)

Frank Waturi
Joe Banks
Multiple Characters
Patricia Graynamore


Joe: You look terrible, Mr. Waturi. You look like a bag of shit stuffed in a cheap suit. Not that anyone could look good under these zombie lights. I, I, I, I can feel them sucking the juice out of my eyeball. Suck, suck, suck, SUCK... [makes a sucking noise] For 300 bucks a week, that's the news. For 300 bucks a week, I've lived in this sink, this used rubber.
Mr. Waturi: You watch it, mister! There's a woman here!
Joe: Don't you think I know that, Frank? Don't you think I am aware there is a woman here? I can smell her, like, like a flower. I can taste her, like sugar on my tongue. When I'm 20 feet away I can hear the fabric of her dress when she moves in her chair. Not that I've done anything about it. I've gone all day, every day, not doing, not saying, not taking the chance for three hundred bucks a week, and Frank the coffee stinks it's like arsenic, the lights give me a headache if the lights don't give you a headache you must be dead, let's arrange the funeral.
Mr. Waturi: You better get outta here right now! I'm telling you!
Joe: You're telling me nothing. And why, I ask myself, why have I put up with you? I can't imagine but now I know. Fear. Yellow freakin' fear. I've been too chicken shit afraid to live my life so I sold it to you for three hundred freakin' dollars a week! You're lucky I don't kill you! You're lucky I don't rip your freakin' throat out! But I'm not going to and maybe you're not so lucky at that. 'Cause I'm gonna leave you here, Mr. Waturi, and what could be worse than that?


Luggage Salesman: Have you thought much about luggage, Mr. Banks?
Joe: No.
Luggage Salesman: It's the central preoccupation of my life.

Luggage Salesman: This is our premier steamer trunk, it's all handmade, only the finest materials. It's even watertight, tight as a drum. If I had the need, and the wherewithal, Mr. Banks, this would be my trunk of choice.
Joe: I'll take four of them.
Luggage Salesman: May you live to be a thousand years old, sir.

Marshall: Listen, ain't you got nobody?
Joe: No. But there are certain times in your life when I guess you're not supposed to have anybody, you know? There are certain doors you have to go through alone.
Marshall: You're gonna be all right.

Marshall: They just pay me to drive the limo, sir. I'm not here to tell you who you are.
Joe: I didn't ask you to tell me who I am.
Marshall: You were hinting around about clothes. That happens to be a very important topic to me, sir. Clothes, Mr...
Joe: Banks.
Marshall: Banks. Clothes make the man. I believe that. You say to me you want to go shopping, you want to buy clothes, but you don't know what kind. You leave that hanging in the air, like I'm going to fill in the blank, that to me is like asking me who you are, and I don't know who you are, I don't want to know. It's taken me my whole life to find out who I am, and I'm tired now, you hear what I'm saying?

Marshall: What kinda clothes do you got now?
Joe: Well, I got the kinda clothes I'm wearing.
Marshall: So you got no clothes.

Patricia: [as they are about to jump in the volcano] Nobody knows anything, Joe. We'll take this leap, and we'll see. We'll jump, and we'll see. That's life, right?
Joe: I saw the moon when we were out there in the ocean, shining down on everything. I've been miserable so long, years of my life watsed, afraid. It's been a long time coming here to meet you - a long time, on a crooked road. Did I ever tell you that the first time I saw you it felt like I'd met you before?
Patricia: You're not going anywhere without me.
[they kiss]

Patricia: Boy, we really lucked out.
Joe: Yeah...but we're in the middle of nowhere. We're gonna drown.
Patricia: No we're not. I don't know how, but we're gonna be all right.
[Joes's trunks pop out of the water]
Patricia: See?
Joe: How did you do that?

Patricia: I wonder where we'll end up?
Joe: Away from the things of man, my love. Away from the things of man.

Patricia: That outfit's wearing you, Felix.
Joe: Why are you calling me Felix? My name is Joe.
Patricia: I am calling you Felix because I do what I want.

Patricia: Wait, stop right there! I love you! I've fallen in love with you. I've never loved anybody. I don't know how it happened. I never even slept with you or anything. And now you're gonna kill yourself.
Joe: [to the Chief] Can you give us a minute?
[Chief nods]
Joe: You love me?
Patricia: Yes, I love you. I can feel my heart...I feel like I'm going crazy. You can't just die and leave me alone on this stinking earth without you.
Joe: I've gotta do it.
Patricia: Why? Why? The Chief doesn't even want you to do it. Do you, Chief?
Joe: 'Cause I've wasted my entire life and I'm gonna die. Now I have a chance to die like a man, and I'm gonna take it. I've gotta take it.
Patricia: I love you!
Joe: I love you, too! I've never been in love with anybody before, either. It's great. I'm glad. But the timing stinks. [kisses her on the cheek] I've gotta go.

Waponi Chief: Do you want to marry him?
Patricia: Yes.
Waponi Chief: Do you want to marry her?
Joe Banks: Yes.
Waponi Chief: You're married.

[Joe and Marshall are both wearing Armani tuxedos]
Joe: Feel like I'm getting married.
Marshall: I feel like I'm giving you away.

[on the phone, repeated] Yeah, Harry, but can he do the job? I know he can get the job, but can he do the job? I'm not arguing that with you. I'm not arguing that with you. I'm not arguing that with you.

[on the phone] No. No. You were wrong. He was wrong. Who said that? I didn't say that. If I had said that, I would've been wrong. I would've been wrong, Harry, isn't that right?