Dialoge quotes

Mother: Navin, it's your birthday, and it's time you knew. You're not our natural-born child.
Navin R. Johnson: You mean I'm going to stay this color??
Mother: I'd love you if you were the color of a baboon's ass.
Gas Station Attendant: Boy, get to work in there!
Navin R. Johnson: But sir, I don't even work here.
Gas Station Attendant: Not even for $1.10 an hour?
Harry Hartounian: Boy, I wish I could get that excited about nothing.
Navin R. Johnson: Nothing? Are you kidding? Page 73 - Johnson, Navin R.! I'm somebody now! Millions of people look at this book everyday! This is the kind of spontaneous publicity - your name in print - that makes people. I'm in print! Things are going to start happening to me now.
[Stan Fox's glasses keep slipping off] Stan Fox: Damn these glasses.
Navin R. Johnson: Yes, sir.
[to the glasses] Navin R. Johnson: I damn thee.
Navin R. Johnson: Why are you crying? And why are you wearing that old dress?
Marie Kimble Johnson: Because I just heard a song on the radio that reminded me of the way we were.
Navin R. Johnson: What was it?
Marie Kimble Johnson: "The Way We Were."
Navin R. Johnson: I'm gonna bounce back and when I do I'm gonna buy you a diamond so big it's gonna make you puke.
Marie Kimble Johnson: I don't wanna puke.
Navin R. Johnson: Good things are gonna start happening to me now.
[Crazy guy with gun scrolls through a phone book] Sniper: Johnson, Navin R... Sounds like a typical bastard.
[a sniper keeps missing Navin and hitting cans of motor oil] Navin R. Johnson: He hates these cans. Stay away from the cans.
[Navin works as a weight guesser in a circus. One night a fellow circus worker, Patty the bike rider, takes him to a bike ride and then gets him to enter her trailer] Navin R. Johnson: What a great place! You know, you can tell so much about a person from the way they live. Just looking around here I can tell...you're a genuinely dirty person.
Navin R. Johnson (holding the helmet she gave him earlier): What do I do with this?
Patty Bernstein (taking the helmet and throwing it across the trailer): Oh, you keep it there.
Navin R. Johnson (holding also leftovers from a corn dog): Where's your garbage?
Patty Bernstein (taking Navin's corn dog and throwing it across the trailer as well): there.
Patty Bernstein (lying down on her bed): You know what I'd like to do?
Navin R. Johnson: What?
Patty Bernstein: Guess...your weight.
Navin R. Johnson: Hey, that would be interesting for me, no one has tried to guess my weight! You see, I guess their weight so it's sort of a...
Patty Bernstein: Put your arms up.
Navin R. Johnson: This will give me a whole different perspective on this.
[Patty squeezes Navin's backside] Navin R. Johnson (starts getting nervous): Hey! You're really trying to be accurate!
Navin R. Johnson: Is it getting hot in here?
[The view switch to the outside of the trailer, as we still hear their voices] Navin R. Johnson (suddenly yelling in a mixture of shock and excitement): Wait a minute - what's happening to my special purpose!?
Patty Bernstein (in a passionate voice): What's your special purpose?
Navin R. Johnson (still yelling): Well, when I was a kid my mom told me... there goes my special purpose! And someday I'd find out what my special purpose was!
Patty Bernstein: Today's the day!
Navin R. Johnson: (moaning as we see the whole trailer shakes from the outside): Hey, this is like a ride!
[Patty laughts in wicked voice] [On the porch of Navin's old house] Grandmother (reading a letter Navie sent his family): My dear family, guess what. Today I found out what my special purpose is for. Gosh what a great time I had. I wish my whole family could have been here with me. Maybe some other time as I intend to do this a lot. Every chance I get. I think next week I'll be able to send some more money as I may have extra work. My friend Patty promised me a blow job. Your loving son, Navin. (she stops reading) And he's got the kisses here.
Father: That Patty must be a sweet girl.
Mother: God bless her.

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