It Happened One Night

It Happened One Night quotes

39 total quotes (ID: 767)

Ellie Andrews
Mr. Andrews
Multiple Characters
Peter Warne


Shapeley: Shapeley's the name - and that's the way I like 'em!


Mr. Andrews: Mr. Warne?
Peter: Yeah.
Mr. Andrews: Please sit down.
Peter: Thanks.
Mr. Andrews: I was surprised to get your note. My daughter hadn't told me anything about you, about your helping her.
Peter: That's typical of your daughter. Take those things for granted. Why did you think I lugged her all the way from Miami - for the love of it?
Mr. Andrews: She thinks you're entitled to anything you can get.
Peter: Oh she does, eh? Now isn't that sweet of her. You don't, I suppose.
Mr. Andrews: I don't know. I'll have to see on what you base your claim. I presume you feel justified -
Peter: If I didn't, I wouldn't be here. [He pulls a list from his pocket] I've got it all itemized.
Mr. Andrews: [Reading the list] 'Cash outlay, $8.60; topcoat, $15; suitcase, $7.50; hat, $4; three shirts, $4.50. Total, $39.60. All the above items had to be sold to buy gasoline.'
Peter: And I sold some shorts and socks too. I'm throwing those in.
Mr. Andrews: Yes, I know -
Peter: What's the matter? Isn't it cheap enough? A trip like that would cost you a thousand dollars. Maybe more!
Mr. Andrews: Now let me get this straight. You want $39.60 in addition to the $10,000?
Peter: What $10,000?
Mr. Andrews: The reward.
Peter: Who said anything about a reward?
Mr. Andrews: I'm afraid I'm a little bit confused. I assumed that you -
Peter: Look, look, look, all I want is $39.60. And if you give me a check for it, I'll get outta this joint. It gives me the jitters.
Mr. Andrews: You're a peculiar chap.
Peter: Yeah, we'll go into that some other time.
Mr. Andrews: The average man would go after the reward. All you seem to -
Peter: Listen, did anybody ever make a sucker out of you? This is a matter of principle. Something you probably wouldn't understand. But when anybody takes me for a buggy ride, I don't like the idea of having to pay for the privilege.
Mr. Andrews: Were you taken for a buggy ride?
Peter: Yes. With all the trimming. So how about the check? Do I get it?
Mr. Andrews: Certainly.
Peter: Thanks.
Mr. Andrews: [Smiling, he writes a check] Here you are.
Peter: Thank you.
Mr. Andrews: Oh, ah, do you mind if I ask you a question frankly? Do you love my daughter?
Peter: Any guy that'd fall in love with your daughter ought to have his head examined.
Mr. Andrews: That's an evasion.
Peter: She picked herself a perfect running mate: King Westley! The pill of the century! What she needs is a guy that'd take a sock at her once a day - whether it is coming to her or not. If you had half the brains you're supposed to have, you'd have done it yourself long ago.
Mr. Andrews: Do you love her?
Peter: A normal human being couldn't live under the same roof with her without going nutty. She's my idea of nothing!
Mr. Andrews: I asked you a simple question! Do you love her?
Peter: [As he departs and slams the office door] Yes! But don't hold that against me. I'm a little screwy myself.

[to his boss, on the phone] In a pig's eye, you will!...Hey listen monkey face, when you fired me, you fired the best newshound your filthy scandal sheet ever had...That was free verse, you gashouse palooka!

Peter: Hey, where'd you learn to dunk? In finishing school?
Ellie: Aw, now don't you start telling me I shouldn't dunk.
Peter: Of course you shouldn't - you don't know how to do it. Dunking's an art. Don't let it soak so long. A dip and [he stuffs the donut in his mouth] plop, in your mouth. Let it hang there too long, it'll get soft and fall off. It's all a matter of timing. Aw, I oughta write a book about it.
Ellie: [Laughing] Thanks, professor.
Peter: Just goes to show you - twenty millions, and you don't know how to dunk.
Ellie: Oh, I'd change places with a plumber's daughter any day.

Peter: [in a telegram] What's holding up the annulment, you slowpoke? The walls of Jericho are a-toppling.
Mr. Andrews: Send them a telegram right away. Just say, 'Let 'em topple.'

[to Peter] You think I'm a fool and a spoiled brat. Well, perhaps I am, although I don't see how I can be. People who are spoiled are accustomed to having their own way. I never have. On the contrary. I've always been told what to do, and how to do it, and when, and with whom. Would you believe it? This is the first time I've ever been alone with a man!...It's a wonder I'm not panic-stricken...Nurses, governesses, chaperones, even bodyguards. Oh, it's been a lot of fun.

[to Ellie, as she is walking down the aisle] That guy Warne is OK. He didn't want the reward. All he asked for was $39.60, what he spent on you. Said it was a matter of principle. You took him for a ride. He loves you Ellie. He told me so. You don't want to be married to a mug like Westley. I can buy him off for a pot of gold. And you can make an old man happy and you won't do so bad for yourself. If you change your mind, your car's waiting back at the gate.

[to Ellie] Perhaps you're interested in how a man undresses. You know, it's a funny thing about that. Quite a study in psychology. No two men do it alike. You know, I once knew a man who kept his hat on until he was completely undressed. Now he made a picture. Years later, his secret came out. He wore a toupee. Yeah. I have a method all my own. If you notice, the coat came first, then the tie, then the shirt. Now, uh, according to Hoyle, after that, the, uh, pants should be next. There's where I'm different...

[in a telegram] Am I laughing? The biggest scoop of the year just dropped in my lap. I know where Ellen Andrews is...How would you like to have the story, you big tub of mush...Will try and get it. What I said about never writing another line for you still goes. Are you burning? PETER WARNE

[to Ellie] Don't be a sucker. A good night's rest'll do you a lot of good. Besides, you got nothing to worry about: the walls of Jericho will protect you from the big bad wolf.

Peter: Supposin' I was to tell you that Ellen Andrews was going to have her marriage annulled...She's going to marry somebody else...Would a story like that would be worth a thousand bucks to you...I got it, Joe.
Joe: Who's the guy she's gonna marry?
Peter: I am, Joe. I met her on a bus coming from Miami. I've been with her every minute. I'm in love with her, Joe...You gotta get me this money now. Quick. Minutes count. She's waiting for me in an autocamp, just outside Philadelphia. I gotta get right back. You see, she doesn't even know I'm gone. You know, a guy can't propose to a gal without a cent in the world, can he?

[to Peter] There is a brain behind that face of yours, isn't there? You've got everything nicely figured out for yourself.

[to Ellie] Now that's my whole plot in a nutshell. A simple story for simple people. If you behave yourself, I'll see that you get to King Westley. If not, I'll just have to spill the beans to Papa.

[Peter hangs a blanket between the twin beds in their rented room]

Ellie: That, I suppose, makes everything quite all right?

Peter: Oh this? Well, I like privacy when I retire. Yes, I'm very delicate in that respect. Prying eyes annoy me. Behold the walls of Jericho! Uh, maybe not as thick as the ones that Joshua blew down with his trumpet, but a lot safer. You see, uh, I have no trumpet. Now just to show you my heart's in the right place, I'll give you my best pair of pajamas.

[Peter offers Ellie his pajamas - she ignores them - so he tosses them at her]

Peter: Uh, do you mind joining the Israelites?

[He indicates he wants her to go on the other side of the blanket - she doesn't move]

Peter: You don't want to join the Israelites? Alright.

[He begins to undress]

Peter: Perhaps you're interested in how a man undresses. You know, it's a funny thing about that. Quite a study in psychology. No two men do it alike. You know, I once knew a man who kept his hat on until he was completely undressed. Yeah, now he made a picture. Years later, his secret came out. He wore a toupee. Yeah. You know, I have a method all my own. If you notice, the coat came first, then the tie, then the shirt. Now, uh, according to Hoyle, after that, the, uh, pants should be next. There's where I'm different... I go for the shoes next. First the right, then the left. After that it's, uh, every man for himself.

[When he starts to unbuckle his pants, she runs to the other side of the blanket]

[to King Westley] I admit I'm licked. But it's only because I'm worried. If I don't find her soon, I'll go crazy...if she returns, I won't interfere with your marriage.