Multiple Characters quotes

Caterine Vauban: It is inevitable to be drawn back into human drama.

Shania Twain: I eat Tofu Tuna, Brad!

Vivian Jaffe: Come, join us for mancala hour. Arriba!

Mrs. Silver: God, what are you, a bitch? You're a bitch! How many kids do you have, bitch?

Vivian Jaffe: Have you ever transcended space and time?
Albert Markovski: Yes. No. Uh...time, not space. No, I have no idea what you're talking about.

Albert Markovski: The interconnection thing is definitely for real.
Tommy Corn: It is! I didn't think it wasn't! It is!
Albert Markovski: I know, I can't believe it, it's so fantastic!
Tommy Corn: It's amazing!
Albert Markovski: I know.
Tommy Corn: But it's also nothing special
Albert Markovski: Yeah, because it grows from the manure of human troubles.

Mr. Hooten: What happened to the cat, Albert?
Albert Markovski: How'd you know about my cat?
Mr. Hooten: The cat was killed by curiosity.
Albert Markovski: Oh, that cat.

Mrs. Hooten: Albert, what brought you to the philosophical club?
Albert Markovski: You mean the existential detectives?
Mr. Hooten: Sounds like a support group.
Cricket: Why can't he use the church?
Mrs. Hooten: Sometimes people have additional questions to be answered.
Cricket: Like what?
Albert Markovski: Well, um, for instance - if the forms of this world die, which is more real: the me that dies or the me that's infinite? Can I trust my habitual mind or do I need to learn to look beneath those things?

Tommy Corn: What are you doing tomorrow?
Albert Markovski: I was thinking about chaining myself to a bulldozer. Do you want to come?
Tommy Corn: What time?
Albert Markovski: Mmm... one, one-thirty.
Tommy Corn: Sounds good. Should I bring my own chains?
Albert Markovski: We always do.

Vivian Jaffe: Why don't you just tell me what your situation is?
Albert Markovski: Look, I'm not really sure I know exactly what you guys do around here, all right?
Vivian Jaffe: Well, we'll investigate and solve your case.
Albert Markovski: How?
Vivian Jaffe: If you sign a contract we'll follow you.
Albert Markovski: You'll spy?
Vivian Jaffe: Yes.
Albert Markovski: On me?
Vivian Jaffe: Yes.
Albert Markovski: Will you be spying on me in the bathroom?
Vivian Jaffe: Yes.
Albert Markovski: In the bathroom?
Vivian Jaffe: Yes.
Albert Markovski: Why?
Vivian Jaffe: There's nothing too small. You know when police find the slightest piece of DNA and build a case on it? If we might see you floss or masturbate that could be the key to your entire reality.

Mrs. Hooten: So Tommy, what do you do?
Tommy Corn: I'm a firefighter.
Mr. Hooten: Congratulations, you're a hero.
Tommy Corn: I'm no hero. We'd all be heroes if we stopped using petroleum!

Albert Markovski: No, I'm not. I'm talking about not covering every square inch with houses and strip malls until you can't remember what happens when you stand in a meadow at dusk.
Bret: What happens in the meadow at dusk?
Albert Markovski: Everything.
Mrs. Hooten: Nothing.
Albert Markovski: Everything.
Mrs. Hooten: Nothing.
Albert Markovski: It's beautiful.
Tommy Corn: It's beautiful.

Tommy Corn: [after being hit in the face with a rubber ball] Awesome! Can we do the ball thing everyday?
Caterine Vauban: Don't call it the ball thing. Call it pure being.
Tommy Corn: Okay... so can we do the pure being ball thing everyday?

Cricket: Jesus is never mad at us if we live with Him in our hearts!
Tommy Corn: I hate to break it to you, but He is - He most definitely is.

Dawn Campbell: Brad, do you love me?
Brad Stand: I think so.
Dawn Campbell: With the bonnet?
Brad Stand: Ehhh...

Mr. Hooten: God gave us oil! He gave it to us! How can God's gift be bad?
Tommy Corn: I don't know. He gave you a brain too and you messed that up pretty damn good.
Mr. Hooten: I want you sons of bitches out of my house now!
Tommy Corn: If Hitler were alive, he'd tell you not to think about oil.
Mrs. Hooten: *You're* the Hitler! We took a Sudanese refugee into our home!
Tommy Corn: You did. But how did Sudan happen, ma'am? Could it possibly be related to dictatorships that we support for some stupid reason?
Mr. Hooten: You shut up! You get out!
Tommy Corn: You shut up.
Tommy Corn:[to Albert] Come on. Let's get out of here.

Dawn Campbell: There's glass between us. You can't deal with my infinite nature can you?
Brad Stand: That is so not true. Wait, what does that even mean?

Dawn Campbell: Oh please, I don't think of myself as being that pretty.
Dawn Campbell: [Brad whispers in her ear] Yes, that changed at Huckabees. You know, I was never the pretty girl.
Bernard Jaffe: Really?
Dawn Campbell: No! I just have to keep up with this gorgeous hottie.
Vivian Jaffe: How's the sex?
Bernard Jaffe: How is the sex?
Dawn Campbell: The sex?
Brad Stand: Come on, guys.
Brad Stand: [laughs] Come on. That's private.
Dawn Campbell: That's gross.
Vivian Jaffe: Our undercover surveillance shows it's been infrequent and short. Eight to nine minutes. Typically.
Dawn Campbell: Surveillance? You've watched us?
Vivian Jaffe: No, just listened.
Brad Stand:[laughs uncomfortably] So your surveillance is wrong!
Dawn Campbell: Yeah. It's quantity not quality.
Brad Stand: She meant quality not quantity.
Dawn Campbell: I know, I was only joking.
Bernard Jaffe: Were you joking when you said quantity and not quality?
Dawn Campbell: We're private about our seven minutes of heaven!
Brad Stand: It's longer than that, darling.
Dawn Campbell: [laughs hysterically] Eight minutes of heaven! It's quantity not quality!
Brad Stand: You should see her after a couple of margaritas.

Bernard Jaffe: [points to zipper bag] All right, get in.
Albert Markovski: You want me to get in?
Bernard Jaffe: Mm-hm.
Albert Markovski: So get in here?
Bernard Jaffe: Yeah.
Albert Markovski: What's gonna happen to me in there?
Bernard Jaffe: You're gonna see.

Tommy Corn: Ah, here he comes!
Albert Markovski: Oh, boy.
Tommy Corn: The man-poet who banged France's dark lady of philosophy. The parking lot crusader of truth... who turned his back on his other like a cold-blooded gangsta.

Albert Markovski: What, is it a crime? Is it a crime to look at Lange?
Vivian Jaffe: Albert, have you ever been in love?
Albert Markovski: What kind of question is that?

Mr. Hooten: Stevo, I'm so disappointed.
Mrs. Hooten: It's all right. Look, he's sad. He's sad.
Mr. Hooten: I'm sorry Stevo. My bad. You didn't know.
Tommy Corn: You should be ashamed of yourself.
Mr. Hooten: I should be what?
Tommy Corn: You should be ashamed of yourself.
Mr. Hooten: And why's that? Why whould I be ashamed of myself?
Tommy Corn: You're a hypocrite.
Mr. Hooten: I'm a what?
Tommy Corn: You're misleading these children. 'Cause you're the destroyer, man.
Mr. Hooten: How am I the destroyer?
Tommy Corn: I saw that S.U.V. out there.
Mr. Hooten: My car's the destroyer? You wanna know how many miles per gallon I get?

Tommy Corn:[running away from Vivian and Bernard] I want my money back!
Albert Markovski: Yeah, and if I weren't pro bono, I'd want MY money back!

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