The Hudsucker Proxy

The Hudsucker Proxy quotes

35 total quotes (ID: 708)

Amy Archer
Buzz the Elevator Operator
Moses the Clock Man
Norville Barnes
Other
Sidney J. Mussburger


[Amy finds Norville out on the balcony with an ice pack on his eye]
Amy Archer: Norville? What happened?
Norville Barnes: Oh. Nothing, really, just the more timid investors are no longer running for cover.
Amy Archer: Let me look.
Norville Barnes: Sid found me the icepack.
Amy Archer: Let me hold it, or you'll have a real shiner.
Norville Barnes: Thanks. People seem to be pretty hot over this imbecile story.
Amy Archer:
Norville Barnes: Oh, it isn't your fault, Amy. You're the one person who's been standing by me through all this.
Amy Archer: Norville, there's something I have to tell you. You see, I'm not really a secretary.
Norville Barnes: I know that, Amy.
Amy Archer: You do!?
Norville Barnes: I understand that you're not very skilled yet in the secretarial arts. I'm not that skilled as president. Oh sure, I put up a big front not that everyone's buying it.
Amy Archer: I believe in you, Norville. At least I believe in your intentions --
Norville Barnes: Oh, I don't blame them, really. I guess I have sort of made a mess of things. These folks have to protect their investment. Most of them are very nice people --
Amy Archer: Listen, Norville, you can't trust people here like you did in Muncie. Certain people are --
Norville Barnes: Did you ever go to the top of old man Larson's feed tower and look out over the town?
Amy Archer: What?
Norville Barnes: You know, on Farm Route 17.
Amy Archer: Oh yes! In Muncie!
Norville Barnes: No, in Vidalia. Farm Route 17?
Amy Archer: Uh, yes. 17! Yes, I... well...
Norville Barnes: The boys from varsity use to take their girlfriends up there to hold hands, except... I never made varsity.
Amy Archer: There's a place I go now, the cutest little place near my apartment in Greenwich Village. It's called Ann's 440; it's a beatnik bar.
Norville Barnes: A beatnik bar!
Amy Archer: Yes!
Norville Barnes: You don't say.
Amy Archer: You can get carrot juice or Italian coffee! And the people there are... well, none of them quite fit in. You'd love it. Why don't you come there with me. They're having a marathon poetry reading on New Year's Eve. I go every year.
Norville Barnes: Every year?
Amy Archer: Well, this year... if it's good, I plan to make it a tradition. [laughs and changes subjects] My it certainly is beautiful. The people look like ants.
Norville Barnes: Well, the Hindus say, and the beatniks also, that in the next life some of us will come back as ants. Some will be butterflies. Others will be elephants or creatures of the sea.
Amy Archer: What a beautiful thought.
Norville Barnes: Say, what do you think you were in your previous life, Amy?
Amy Archer: Oh, I don't know. Maybe I was just a fast-talking career gal who thought she was one of the boys.
Norville Barnes: Oh no, Amy, pardon me for saying so but I find that very farfetched.
Amy Archer: Norville, there really is something I have to tell you --
Norville Barnes: That kind of person would come back as a wildebeest, or a warthog. No, I think it more likely that you were a gazelle, with long, graceful legs, gamboling through the underbrush. Perhaps we met once, a chance encounter in a forest glade. I must have been an antelope or an ibex. What times we must have had. Foraging together for sustenance, picking the grubs and burrs from one another's coats. Or perhaps we simply touched our horns briefly and went our separate ways.
Amy Archer: I wish it were that simple, Norville. I wish I was still a gazelle, and you were an antelope or an ibex.
Norville Barnes:Well, can I at least call you deer? [laughs] Seriously, Amy, the whole thing is what your beatnik friends call a kar-mah
Amy Archer: Karma.
Norville Barnes: The great circle of life.
Amy Archer: Yeah, yeah. I think I've heard of that. What goes around comes around.
Norville Barnes: That's it. A great wheel that gives us each what we deserve... Golly, tomorrow's my big presentation to the board. I've gotta show Sidney and the guys that I deserve all their confidence!
Amy Archer: [sadly] Oh...
Norville Barnes: Kiss me once, Amy! Kiss me once for luck!
Amy Archer: Sure, Norville.
[Amy gives him a peck. They look at each other and then embraces and kiss again passionately]


[Following Waring Hudsucker's suicide]
Sidney J. Mussburger: It's a pity to waste a whole Monte Cristo.
Board Member 1: He could have opened the window.
Board Member 2: Waring Hudsucker never did anything the easy way.
Myron Addison: Yeah, but why? Why did he do it? Everything was going so well.
Sidney J. Mussburger: What am I, a head shriker. Maybe the man was unhappy?
Myron Addison: He didn't look unhappy.
Board Member 4: He didn't look rich.
Board Member 5: Waring Hudsucker was never an easy man to figure out. He built this company with his bare hands, every step he took was a step up, except of course this last one.
Sidney J. Mussburger: Sure, sure he was a swell fella, but when the president, chairman of the board and owner of 87% of the company stock drops 44 floors...
Board Member 6: 45.
Board Member 7: Counting the mezzanine.
Sidney J. Mussburger: Then the company too has a problem. Stillson, what exactly is the disposition of Waring's stock.
Stillson: Well as you know, Hud left no will and had no family. The company bylaws are quite clear in that event. His entire portfolio will be converted into common stock and be sold over the counter as of the first of the fiscal year following his demise.
Sidney J. Mussburger: Meaning?
Stillson: Well, meaning simply that Waring's stock, and control of the company, will be made available to the public January 1st.
Sidney J. Mussburger: Do you mean to say that any slob in a smelly T-shirt will be able to buy Hudsucker stock?
Stillson: The company bylaws are quite clear.
Myron Addison: My God, you're animals. How can you discuss his stock when the man has just leapt 45 floors?
Board Member 6: 44.
Board Member 7: Not counting the mezzanine.
Sidney J. Mussburger: Quit showboating, Addison, the man is gone. The question now is whether we're going to let John Q. Public just waltz in here and buy our company.
Board Member 4: What are you suggesting Sidney? Certainly we can't afford to buy an controlling interest.
Sidney J. Mussburger: Not while the stock is this strong. How soon before Hud's paper hits the market?
Board Member 8: January 1st.
Board Member 2: 30 days.
Board Member 4: 4 weeks.
Board Member 5: A month at the most!
Sidney J. Mussburger: One month. To make the blue chip investment of the century look like a round trip ticket on the Titanic.
Board Member 7: We play up the fact that Hud is dead.
All: Long live Hud!
Board Member 4: We depress the stock...
Board Member 5: To the point where we can buy 50%.
Board Member 6: 51.
Board Member 7: Not counting the mezzanine.
Board Member 5: It could work!
Board Member 3: It should work!
Board Member 4: It would work!
Sidney J. Mussburger: It's working already. Waring Hudsucker is abstract art on Madison Avenue. What we need now is a new president who will inspire panic in the stockholder.
Board Member 6: A puppet.
Board Member 5: A proxy.
Board Member 2: A pawn.
Sidney J. Mussburger: Sure, sure. Some jerk we can really push around.

[Norville is showing the board his new invention: the hula-hoop]
Norville Barnes: You know, for kids! It has economy, simplicity, low production cost and the potential for mass appeal, and all that spells out great profitability! I had the boys down at R & D throw together this prototype so that our discussion here could have some focus and to give you gentlemen of the Board a first-hand look at just how exciting this gizmo is! Its fun, it's healthy, it's good exercise; kids'll just love it, and we put a little sand inside to make the experience more pleasant. But the great part is we won't have to charge an arm and a leg!
Board Member 1: What if you tire before it's done?
Board Member 2: Does it have rules?
Board Member 3: Can more than one play?
Board Member 4: What makes you think it's a game?
Board Member 3: Is it a game?
Board Member 5: Will it break?
Board Member 6: It better break eventually!
Board Member 2: Is there an object?
Board Member 1: What if you tire before it's done?
Board Member 5: Does it come with batteries?
Board Member 4: We could charge extra for them.
Board Member 7: Is it safe for toddlers?
Board Member 3: How can you tell when you're finished?
Board Member 2: How do you make it stop?
Board Member 6: Is that a boy's model?
Board Member 3: Can a parent assemble it?
Board Member 5: Is there a larger model for the obese?
Board Member 1: What if you tire before it's done?
Board Member 8: What the hell is it?

[Norville is sleeping at his desk]
Buzz the Elevator Operator: Say, Buddy... Ya busy?
Norville Barnes: [wakes up] Huh-whuh?
Buzz the Elevator Operator: Looks like ya nodded off there! Say, buddy, ya got a minute?
Norville Barnes: Buzz... Is it important?
Buzz the Elevator Operator: I like to think so! It's this little idea I been working on. Ya see, I don't intend to be an elevator boy forever. Take a look at this sweet baby! [shows Norville a drawing of a circle] Ya get it, buddy? Incredibly convenient, isn't it? You know, for drinks. [shows Norville a straw] This is how it works, it's these little ridges on the side that give it its whammy! See, ya don't have to drink like this nomore; now you can drink like this. [bends staw] I call it the Buzz-Sucker, get it, buddy? After me! Why, people are just dyin' for a product like this, and the great thing is we won't have to charge an arm and a --
Norville Barnes: Wait a minute! [He looks at it like when Mussburger first looked at his own invention] This is worthless.
Buzz the Elevator Operator:Huh?! But, buddy --
Norville Barnes: This is the most idiotic thing I've ever seen in my life!
Buzz the Elevator Operator: Yeah, but, buddy --
Norville Barnes: Nobody wants a hare-brained product like this! Ya see, Buzz, it lacks the creative spark, the unalloyed genius that made, say, the hula hoop such a success.
Buzz the Elevator Operator: But, buddy --
Norville Barnes: What do you mean barging in here and taking up my valuable time! I've got a company to run here!
Buzz the Elevator Operator: [laughs] But, buddy, you were --
Buzz the Elevator Operator: I can't have every deadbeat on the Hudsucker payroll pestering me with their idiotic brainwaves!
Buzz the Elevator Operator: Geez, buddy, I'm sorry.
Norville Barnes: An example must be made!
Buzz the Elevator Operator: Wuddya mean, buddy?
Norville Barnes: You're fired! Is that plain enough for you, buster!
[Buzz begins to bawl and grabs Norville's legs]
Buzz the Elevator Operator: Awwww, buddy --
Norville Barnes: And don't call me buddy! Out of here!
Buzz the Elevator Operator: Aw, please, sir! This job, just running the elevator, it's all I got! I understand if ya don't like the Buzz-Sucker! Just, please, let me keep my job! I'm prayin' to ya!
Norville Barnes: Get out of my office! Get out! [Buzz crawls away crying] Up! Up on your feet! We don't crawl at Hudsucker Industries! Get out! And leave your uniform in the locker room!
Buzz the Elevator Operator: I'm sorry, sir... I'm sorry...

[having just rammed a broom handle through a clock, thus freezing time. Line spoken to camera]
Strictly speaking, I'm never supposed to do this. But you have any better ideas?

[Prologue] That's right. New York. It's 1958. Anyway, for a few more minutes it is. Come midnight it's gonna be 1959. A whole 'nother feelin'. The New Year. The future. Yeah ole daddy Earth fixin' to start one more trip 'round the sun and everybody hopin' this ride 'round be a little more giddy, a little more gay. Yep, all over town champagne corks is a-poppin'. Over in the Waldorf the big shots is dancin' to the strains of Guy Lombardo. Down in Times Square the little folks is a watchin' and waitin' for that big ball to drop. They all tryin' to catch hold of one moment of time. To be able to say "Right now! This is it! I got it!" 'Course by then it'll be past. But they all happy, everybody havin' a good time. Well, almost everybody. They's a few lost souls floatin' 'round out there. Now if ya'll ain't from the city, we have something here called a "the rat race." Got a way with chewing folks up so that they don't want no celebrating, don't want no cheerin' up, and don't care nothing about no New Year's. Out of hope. Out of rope. Out of time. This here is Norville Barnes. That office he's steppin' out of is the office of the president of Hudsucker Industries. It's his office. How'd he get so high and why is he feelin' so low? Is he really gonna do it? Is Norville really gonna jelly up the sidewalk? Well the future, that's something you can't never tell about. But the past, that's another story.

And Norville, he went on an' ruled with wisdom and compassion and started dreamin' up them excitin' new ideas again.

And so began 1959, the new year. When he learned that Norville owned the comp'ny, ol' Sidney was upset at first. It's a good thing Doc Bromfenbrenner was there because he was able to keep Sidney from harmin' his ol' self.

And that's the story of how Norville Barnes climbed waaay up to the forty-fourth floor of the Hudsucker Building, and then fell all the way down but didn't quite squish hisself. You know, they say there was a man who jumped from the forty-FIFTH floor? But that's another story.

Fight on! Fight on dear old Muncie! Fight on hoist the gold and blue! You'll be tattered, torn, and hurtin' once the Munc' is done with you! Gooooooooooooo Eagles!

For instance, take a look at this sweet baby. (Shows a drawn circle on a piece of paper.) I developed it myself. Yessirie, this is my big ticket upstairs. You know, for kids.

Hiya, buddy, my name's Buzz. I got the fuzz I make the elevator do what she does.

I wasn't expecting all this hoopla. You can quote me on that.

I'll stake my Pulitzer on it!

Say, buddy, what takes fifty years to get up to the top floor and thirty seconds to get down? Waring Hudsucker!