Hot Rod quotes
32 total quotes
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Denise: Oh, Rod. What were you going to ask me?
Rod Kimble: Oh, right. I was gonna ask you who you think would win in a fight between... a grilled cheese sandwich and a taco.
Denise: Is that what you were really going to ask me?
Rod Kimble: Yes.
Denise: Um, grilled cheese. But only in a fair fight. If it was prison rules, I'd put my money on the taco.
Rod Kimble: Wow, that's pretty racist, but correct.
Rod Kimble: Oh, right. I was gonna ask you who you think would win in a fight between... a grilled cheese sandwich and a taco.
Denise: Is that what you were really going to ask me?
Rod Kimble: Yes.
Denise: Um, grilled cheese. But only in a fair fight. If it was prison rules, I'd put my money on the taco.
Rod Kimble: Wow, that's pretty racist, but correct.
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Rod Kimble: Souls of the Animal Kingdom! Eagle, Fox, Bottlenose Dolphin, Octopus, House Cat! Okay, let's jump this jump!
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Dave: [Quietly] Pools are perfect for holding water man.
Rico: [Filling the pool with the water hose] Man, I don't really know about having a girl on the team, man.
Dave: Alright Rico listen. Um, there's an ancient Italian maxim uh, that roughly translates to, uh "He who is resistant to change is destined to perish". So, why don't you try to open up that mind of yours? You know? It's like, look at Kevin, I mean, he... [Rico sprays him in the face with the hose] Real mature, man.
Rico: Yeah, don't you EVER tell me how to live my life again.
Rico: [Filling the pool with the water hose] Man, I don't really know about having a girl on the team, man.
Dave: Alright Rico listen. Um, there's an ancient Italian maxim uh, that roughly translates to, uh "He who is resistant to change is destined to perish". So, why don't you try to open up that mind of yours? You know? It's like, look at Kevin, I mean, he... [Rico sprays him in the face with the hose] Real mature, man.
Rico: Yeah, don't you EVER tell me how to live my life again.
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Cathy: [microphone squeals] 'Voltron?'
Dave: That's me.
Cathy: Oh, hi Dave.
Dave: How you doin Cathy?
Cathy: Why'd you call yourself 'Voltron?'
Dave: I dunno, maybe cos it's SUPER badass
Cathy: ...You're weird.
Dave: Hells yeah I am!
Dave: Hey, Rod, thanks for the ride. [Rod sees a chunk of metal lodged in Dave's eye and they both scream] Dave: Hey, buddy. How's it going? Rod Kimble: Dave, what happened to your eye? Dave: This? Is it really noticeable? Rod Kimble: Yeah! Dave: Is it really noticeable? Rod Kimble: Yeah! Dave: Oh, man, it's totally serendipitous. Well, I got off work early, and you know my buddy Derrick? Well he was like, "I've got this acid, but I can't do it." And I was all like, "Well, I'll do it." So I did it. And by the time I got on my banana board, man, I was... I was tripping balls pretty hard, man. So I decided to get on my bench grinder, and a piece of metal flew up and hit me right in the eye. It was pretty awesome. And that brings us to now. Rod Kimble: Yeah, well, just try and relax. Dave: Can do, man. Can do. I'm gonna be honest with you, Rod. You look like a giant eagle with fire all around you, and you've got a mountain for a face. Rod Kimble: I'm guessing that's the drugs, Dave. Dave: Yeah, but it's also just kind of weird seeing you drive this minivan. Rod Kimble: Yeah, well, it's my mom's. Dave: Balls, man! We just ran over a small bus. This really small bus, we just ran over it. Rod Kimble: I didn't see anything. Dave: Hey, we're here. Seriously, man, this is one of the top-ten nicest things anybody has ever done for me.
Dave: That's me.
Cathy: Oh, hi Dave.
Dave: How you doin Cathy?
Cathy: Why'd you call yourself 'Voltron?'
Dave: I dunno, maybe cos it's SUPER badass
Cathy: ...You're weird.
Dave: Hells yeah I am!
Dave: Hey, Rod, thanks for the ride. [Rod sees a chunk of metal lodged in Dave's eye and they both scream] Dave: Hey, buddy. How's it going? Rod Kimble: Dave, what happened to your eye? Dave: This? Is it really noticeable? Rod Kimble: Yeah! Dave: Is it really noticeable? Rod Kimble: Yeah! Dave: Oh, man, it's totally serendipitous. Well, I got off work early, and you know my buddy Derrick? Well he was like, "I've got this acid, but I can't do it." And I was all like, "Well, I'll do it." So I did it. And by the time I got on my banana board, man, I was... I was tripping balls pretty hard, man. So I decided to get on my bench grinder, and a piece of metal flew up and hit me right in the eye. It was pretty awesome. And that brings us to now. Rod Kimble: Yeah, well, just try and relax. Dave: Can do, man. Can do. I'm gonna be honest with you, Rod. You look like a giant eagle with fire all around you, and you've got a mountain for a face. Rod Kimble: I'm guessing that's the drugs, Dave. Dave: Yeah, but it's also just kind of weird seeing you drive this minivan. Rod Kimble: Yeah, well, it's my mom's. Dave: Balls, man! We just ran over a small bus. This really small bus, we just ran over it. Rod Kimble: I didn't see anything. Dave: Hey, we're here. Seriously, man, this is one of the top-ten nicest things anybody has ever done for me.
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Rod Kimble: My safe word will be whiskey [enunciates the h].
Kevin Powell: [confused] Sorry, Rod, what was that?
Rod Kimble: [same pronunciation] Whiskey.
Kevin Powell: [still confused] Don't you mean whiskey?
Rod Kimble: Hwhat?
Kevin Powell: You're saying it weird.
Rod Kimble: Saying hwhat hweird?
Kevin Powell: All of it.
Rod Kimble: Hwhere do you get off?
Kevin Powell: I just don't get why you're saying it that way.
Rod Kimble: Hwhy am I saying hwhat hwhat hway?
Kevin Powell: Forget it.
Rod Kimble: I hwill! I hwill forget it!
Kevin Powell: [confused] Sorry, Rod, what was that?
Rod Kimble: [same pronunciation] Whiskey.
Kevin Powell: [still confused] Don't you mean whiskey?
Rod Kimble: Hwhat?
Kevin Powell: You're saying it weird.
Rod Kimble: Saying hwhat hweird?
Kevin Powell: All of it.
Rod Kimble: Hwhere do you get off?
Kevin Powell: I just don't get why you're saying it that way.
Rod Kimble: Hwhy am I saying hwhat hwhat hway?
Kevin Powell: Forget it.
Rod Kimble: I hwill! I hwill forget it!
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Rico: I had another weird dream last night; this time it was the one where I am fighting like a thousand wizards and the only way to kill them is to punch them as hard as I can in the face, and after I finally finished the last of them all, their wizard wives came out and just wanted me to have sex with them... which is kinda weird.
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Kevin Powell: So, cool beans?
Rod Kimble: Cool beans.
Kevin Powell: Cool beans.
Rod Kimble: Cool beans.
Kevin Powell: Cool beans.
Rod Kimble: Cool beans.
Kevin Powell: Cool beans.
Rod Kimble: Cool beans.
Kevin Powell: Cool beans.
Rod Kimble: Cool-Cool-
Kevin Powell: Beans-Beans.
Rod Kimble: Cool-
Kevin Powell: Beans.
Rod Kimble: Cool-Cool-
Kevin Powell: Beans-Beans.
Rod Kimble: Cool-
Kevin Powell: Beans.
Rod Kimble: Cool-Cool
Kevin Powell: Beans-Beans.
Rod Kimble: Cool-
Kevin Powell: Beans.
Rod Kimble: Cooooooooooooool-
Kevin Powell: Be-Be-Be-Be-Beans.
Rod Kimble: Cool-Cool
Kevin Powell: Beans-Beans.
Rod Kimble: Cool-
Kevin Powell: Beans.
Rod Kimble: Coo-Coo-Cool
Kevin Powell: Beans-Beans.
Rod Kimble: Cool-
Kevin Powell: Beans.
Rod Kimble: C-C-C-Cool
Kevin Powell: Beans-Beans.
Rod Kimble: Cool-
Kevin Powell: Beans.
Rod Kimble: Cool-Cool
Kevin Powell: Bea-Be-Be-Be-Be.
Rod Kimble: COOL BEANS!
Kevin Powell: So, cool beans?
Rod Kimble: Yeah, cool beans.
Rod Kimble: Cool beans.
Kevin Powell: Cool beans.
Rod Kimble: Cool beans.
Kevin Powell: Cool beans.
Rod Kimble: Cool beans.
Kevin Powell: Cool beans.
Rod Kimble: Cool beans.
Kevin Powell: Cool beans.
Rod Kimble: Cool-Cool-
Kevin Powell: Beans-Beans.
Rod Kimble: Cool-
Kevin Powell: Beans.
Rod Kimble: Cool-Cool-
Kevin Powell: Beans-Beans.
Rod Kimble: Cool-
Kevin Powell: Beans.
Rod Kimble: Cool-Cool
Kevin Powell: Beans-Beans.
Rod Kimble: Cool-
Kevin Powell: Beans.
Rod Kimble: Cooooooooooooool-
Kevin Powell: Be-Be-Be-Be-Beans.
Rod Kimble: Cool-Cool
Kevin Powell: Beans-Beans.
Rod Kimble: Cool-
Kevin Powell: Beans.
Rod Kimble: Coo-Coo-Cool
Kevin Powell: Beans-Beans.
Rod Kimble: Cool-
Kevin Powell: Beans.
Rod Kimble: C-C-C-Cool
Kevin Powell: Beans-Beans.
Rod Kimble: Cool-
Kevin Powell: Beans.
Rod Kimble: Cool-Cool
Kevin Powell: Bea-Be-Be-Be-Be.
Rod Kimble: COOL BEANS!
Kevin Powell: So, cool beans?
Rod Kimble: Yeah, cool beans.
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Kevin Powell: Hey, Rod, what's that song about grandma getting run over by a reindeer?
Rod Kimble: Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer?
Kevin Powell: No...
Rod Kimble: Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer?
Kevin Powell: No...
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Denise: Tai Chi teaches that if you focus your body and mind you'll be able to perform at the peak of your abilities.
Rod Kimble: Yes, Sensei.
Denise: You don't have to call me Sensei, Rod.
Rod Kimble: Got it. Sensei, I have a question: Is there a Tai Chi move that would make a grown man crap his pants and not know why?
Denise: I'm not going to lie to you, Rod. That move does exist. But you're not ready for it yet.
Rod Kimble: As you wish, Sensei.
Rod Kimble: Yes, Sensei.
Denise: You don't have to call me Sensei, Rod.
Rod Kimble: Got it. Sensei, I have a question: Is there a Tai Chi move that would make a grown man crap his pants and not know why?
Denise: I'm not going to lie to you, Rod. That move does exist. But you're not ready for it yet.
Rod Kimble: As you wish, Sensei.
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Rod Kimble: I used to be legit. In fact, I was too legit. I was too legit to quit. But now I'm not legit. I'm unlegit. And for that reason, I must quit.
Denise: You don't mean that...
Rod Kimble: Yeah, I do. Stay sweet. [Walks away and gets hit by a car]
Denise: You don't mean that...
Rod Kimble: Yeah, I do. Stay sweet. [Walks away and gets hit by a car]
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"'Rod Kimble"': Kevin. Did you reinforce the takeoff ramp?
"'Kevin Powell"': No, we didn't have time.
"'Rod Kimble"': Wooh...[speaking to self] Soul of an Eagle. [Crashes]
"'Rico"': Oh Shit.
"'Kevin Powell"': Rod you okay?
"'Rod Kimble"': [throws up everywhere]
"'Kevin Powell"': No, we didn't have time.
"'Rod Kimble"': Wooh...[speaking to self] Soul of an Eagle. [Crashes]
"'Rico"': Oh Shit.
"'Kevin Powell"': Rod you okay?
"'Rod Kimble"': [throws up everywhere]
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Rod Kimble: Hey, Denise, have I ever shown you a picture of my dead dad?
Denise: No.
Rod Kimble: Oh, you've gotta see it. He's super dead.
Denise: That's him?
Rod Kimble: Yeah
Denise: [giggles] He looks so nice. He was a stuntman?
Rod Kimble: Oh, yeah. He used to work for Evel Knievel, testing his bikes before big jumps. He would do the jumps first to make sure they were safe and let Evel come in and get all the glory. Then after a while the old man said, "To hell with that. I want the credit I deserve." So one afternoon, he set out to jump ten milk trucks. He nailed the take-off, but when he landed, something terrible happened. His front tire exploded like a cannonball, and his handle bars went straight through his head. Blood was everywhere. His teeth were ground down to a powder, and the front of his face exploded out the back of his skull. He died instantly...the next day.
Denise: No.
Rod Kimble: Oh, you've gotta see it. He's super dead.
Denise: That's him?
Rod Kimble: Yeah
Denise: [giggles] He looks so nice. He was a stuntman?
Rod Kimble: Oh, yeah. He used to work for Evel Knievel, testing his bikes before big jumps. He would do the jumps first to make sure they were safe and let Evel come in and get all the glory. Then after a while the old man said, "To hell with that. I want the credit I deserve." So one afternoon, he set out to jump ten milk trucks. He nailed the take-off, but when he landed, something terrible happened. His front tire exploded like a cannonball, and his handle bars went straight through his head. Blood was everywhere. His teeth were ground down to a powder, and the front of his face exploded out the back of his skull. He died instantly...the next day.
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Dave: Oh, whoa, wait, what... Why is Rod kissing his sister, man?
Rico: Uh, Denise isn't his sister.
Dave: She's not?
Kevin Powell: No.
Dave: Aw, man. That just shatters my entire universe.
Rico: Uh, Denise isn't his sister.
Dave: She's not?
Kevin Powell: No.
Dave: Aw, man. That just shatters my entire universe.
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Rod Kimble: I thought it would be fun if we all went around and said our name and a little something about ourselves. I'll start. My name is Rod and I like to party. Alright. Dave, you're up.
Dave: Uh, hi, uh, my name is Dave, and, uh, I like to party.
Rod Kimble: Uh, no Dave. I just said that I party so maybe you could do something different from me.
Dave: My name is Dave, and I am the stuntman.
Rod Kimble: You know what, let's move on. Rico, you're up.
Rico: Uh, hello. I'm Rico and I like to party.
Rod Kimble: Yeah, uh, Rico, what'd I just say to Dave?
Rico: Who?
Rod Kimble: Dave.
Kevin Powell: I like to party, and I'm Rod.
Rod Kimble: No, you're Kevin!
Kevin Powell: Right. Kevin. I party.
Rod Kimble: No. No you don't. Okay, nobody parties but me.
Dave: Yes. And we party.
Rod Kimble: No!
Rico: Yeah, just Rod.
Rod Kimble: Yes!
Rico: And me.
Rod Kimble: No! I'm the only one who parties!
Kevin Powell: I'm pretty sure I've partied before.
Rod Kimble: No, Kevin, I know for a fact you don't party. Okay, you do NOT party!
Kevin Powell: You're right. Dave is the party guy.
Dave: Huh-huh, sweet.
Rod Kimble: Oh my god, shut up! Okay, I'm just gonna do it for you. Denise, this is the crew. Dave's the mechanic, Rico makes the ramps, and Kevin is team manager slash videographer. None of them party, right? Got it? Okay. Let's party.
Dave: Uh, hi, uh, my name is Dave, and, uh, I like to party.
Rod Kimble: Uh, no Dave. I just said that I party so maybe you could do something different from me.
Dave: My name is Dave, and I am the stuntman.
Rod Kimble: You know what, let's move on. Rico, you're up.
Rico: Uh, hello. I'm Rico and I like to party.
Rod Kimble: Yeah, uh, Rico, what'd I just say to Dave?
Rico: Who?
Rod Kimble: Dave.
Kevin Powell: I like to party, and I'm Rod.
Rod Kimble: No, you're Kevin!
Kevin Powell: Right. Kevin. I party.
Rod Kimble: No. No you don't. Okay, nobody parties but me.
Dave: Yes. And we party.
Rod Kimble: No!
Rico: Yeah, just Rod.
Rod Kimble: Yes!
Rico: And me.
Rod Kimble: No! I'm the only one who parties!
Kevin Powell: I'm pretty sure I've partied before.
Rod Kimble: No, Kevin, I know for a fact you don't party. Okay, you do NOT party!
Kevin Powell: You're right. Dave is the party guy.
Dave: Huh-huh, sweet.
Rod Kimble: Oh my god, shut up! Okay, I'm just gonna do it for you. Denise, this is the crew. Dave's the mechanic, Rico makes the ramps, and Kevin is team manager slash videographer. None of them party, right? Got it? Okay. Let's party.