DC Andy Cartwright: You wanna be a big cop in a small town? Fuck off up the model village!

DC Andy Wainwright: [after a bottle of bolognaise explodes in his face] It's alright, Andy! It's just bolognaise!

DS Andy Wainwright: Murder, murder, murder. Change the fuckin' record!

Inspector Frank Butterman: [trying to convince the Sandford Police to arrest Angel] You aren't seriously going to believe this man, are you? HE ISN'T EVEN FROM ROUND HERE!!!

Inspector Frank Butterman: There's a reason we tolerate a few of the younglings at the pub.

Joyce Cooper: I hope you had a pleasant trip-- fascist!

Joyce Cooper: It would appear the heavens have opened.

Lurch: Yarp.

Met Sergeant: You have to come back. The figures have gone a bit... squiffy in your absence, it has to be said.

Narrator: Police Constable Nicholas Angel: born, schooled in London. Graduated Canterbury University in 1993 with a double first in Politics and Sociology. Attended Hendon College of Police Training and displayed great aptitude in field exercises, notably Urban Pacification and Riot Control. Academically excelled in theoretical coursework and final year examinations. Received the Baton of Honour, graduated with distinction into the Metropolitan Police Service and quickly established an effectiveness and popularity within the community. Proceeded to improve skill base with courses in advanced driving and advanced cycling. Became heavily involved in a number of extra-vocational activities and to this day holds the Met record for the hundred meter dash. In 2001, he began active duty with the renowned SO19 Armed Response Unit and received a Bravery Award for efforts in the resolution of Operation Crackdown. In the last twelve months, he has received nine special commendations, achieved highest arrest record for any officer in the Met and sustained three injuries in the line of duty, most recently in December when wounded by a man dressed as Father Christmas.

Reverend Phillip Shooter: [after being shot] Jesus Christ!

Reverend Phillip Shooter: Fuck off, grasshopper!

Sgt. Tony Fisher: [upon being presented with an obvious murder scene] So... you're saying this wasn't an accident?

Sgt. Turner: [after Angel has arrested three underage drinkers] You don't really wanna process all this lot do you? My pen's runnin' out.

Sgt. Turner: Nobody tells me nothing!