Home Alone quotes

View Quote Harry: What's so funny? What are you laughing at? You did it again, didn't you? You left the water running, didn't you? What's wrong with you? Why did you that? I told you not to do it.
Marv: Harry, it's our calling card.
Harry: Calling card.
Marv: All the great ones leave their mark. We're the Wet Bandits.

View Quote Marv: Hey, watch out!
Kevin: AAAAHHHHH!
[The truck stops]
Harry: Hey, hey! You gotta watch out for traffic, son, you know.
Kevin McCallister: Sorry.
Marv: Santy don't visit funeral homes, little buddy.
Harry: Okay, okay. Merry Christmas.

View Quote Kevin McCallister: Everybody in this family hates me!
Kate McCallister: Then maybe you should ask Santa for a new family.
Kevin McCallister: I don't want another family. I don't want any family. Families suck!
Kate McCallister: Just stay up there. I don't want to see you again for the rest of the night.
Kevin McCallister: I don't want to see you again for the rest of my whole life. I don't want to see anybody else either.
Kate McCallister: I hope you don't mean that. You'd feel pretty sad if you woke up tomorrow morning and you didn't have a family.
Kevin McCallister: No, I wouldn't.
Kate McCallister: Then say it again. Maybe it will happen.
Kevin McCallister: I hope that I never see any of you jerks again!

View Quote Kate McCallister: Did I turn off the coffee?
Peter McCallister: No, I did.
Kate McCallister: Did you lock up?
Peter McCallister: Yeah.
Kate McCallister: Did we set the timers on the lights?
Peter McCallister: Yeah.
Kate McCallister: Did you close the garage?
Peter McCallister: That's it. I forgot to close the garage. That's it.
Kate McCallister: [pause] No, that's not it.
Peter McCallister: Well, what else could we be forgetting?
Kate McCallister: [sits back and thinks, then suddenly sits up] KEVIN!!

View Quote [Harry and Marv are just about to break-into the McCallister's house]
Marv: How do you want to go in?
Harry: We'll go through the back door. Maybe he'll let us in. You never know.
Marv: Yeah. He's a kid. Kid's are stupid. [In trailer but not in film] I know I was.
Harry: You still are, Marv.

View Quote Kate McCallister: PETER!
[They jump out of bed]
Kate McCallister and Peter McCallister: [in unison] We slept in!

View Quote Johnny: Who is it?
Pizza Man: It's Little Nero's, sir. I have your pizza.
Johnny: Leave it on the doorstep and get the hell outta here!
Pizza Man: Okay, but what about the money?
Johnny: What money?
Pizza Man: Well, you have to pay for your pizza, sir.
Johnny: Is that a fact? How much do I owe you?
Pizza Man: That'll be $11.80, sir. [Kevin drops $12 cash from the door hatch]
Johnny: Keep the change, ya filthy animal!
Pizza Man: Cheapskate.
Johnny: Hey, I'm going to give you to the count of 10, to get your ugly, yella, no-good keister off my property, before I pump your guts full of lead! 1, 2, 10!

View Quote Marv: Why the hell did you take your shoes off?
Harry Why the hell are you dressed like a chicken?

View Quote Harry: Where did he go?
Marv: Maybe he committed suicide.
Kevin McCallister: Over here you horse-ass. Come and get me before I call the cops.
Marv: Let's get him!
Harry: No, wait! That's just what he wants us to do. To back down through his fun house.
Marv: But he's gonna call the cops!
Harry: He's not gonna call the cops from a treehouse!

View Quote Marv: There! What are we gonna do with him, Harry?
Harry: We'll do exactly what he did to us: we're gonna burn his head with a blowtorch.
Marv: And smash his face with an iron!
Harry: I like to slap him right in the face with a paint can.
Marv: And shove a nail through his foot!
Harry: First off, I'm gonna bite off his every little fingers one at a time.
[Just then, Marley knocks Harry and Marv with his shovel]

View Quote [says the last lines]
Buzz McCallister: KEVIN! WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY ROOM?!?!?!