Home Alone

Home Alone quotes

41 total quotes (ID: 761)

Kevin McCallister
Other


I took a shower washing every body part with actual soap; including all my major crevices; including in between my toes and in my belly button which I never did before but sort of enjoyed. I washed my hair with adult formula shampoo and used cream rinse for that just-washed shine. I can't seem to find my toothbrush, so I'll pick one up when I go out today. Other than that, I'm in good shape. (as he slabs on some after shave) AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!


[boasting to no one] Guys, I'm eating junk and watching rubbish! You better come out and stop me!

Linnie McCallister: You're what the French call "les incomp?tents".

Jeff McCallister: Kevin, you're such a disease.

Kate McCallister: Kevin, get upstairs right now.
Kevin McCallister: Why?
Jeff McCallister: Kevin, you're such a disease.
Kevin McCallister: Shut up.
Peter McCallister: Kevin, upstairs.
Kate McCallister: Say good night, Kevin.
Kevin McCallister: "Good night, Kevin."

Johnny: [hears knock at door] Who is it?
Snakes: [Snakes comes in] It's me, Snakes. I got the stuff.
Johnny: Leave it on the doorstep and get the hell outta here!
Snakes: All right, Johnny, but what about my money?
Johnny: What money?
Snakes: Acey said you had some dough for me.
Johnny: That a fact? How much do I owe ya?
Snakes: Acey said 10%
Johnny: [smirks] Too bad Acey ain't in charge no more.
Snakes: What do you mean?
Johnny: He's upstairs taking a bath, He'll call you when he gets out. Hey, I tell ya what I'm gonna give you, Snakes. (pulls out tommy gun)I'm gonna give you to the count of 10, to get your ugly, yella, no-good keister off my property, before I pump your guts full of lead!
Snakes: [wide eyed and calm] All right, Johnny, I'm sorry!, I'm going!
Johnny: 1, 2, 10! [starts unloading bullets into Snakes while laughing maniacally]
Keep the change, ya filthy animal!

Harry: [While in the van with Marv] I don't get it. I mean right now it looks like there's nobody home. Last night, the place was jumping. Something ain't right. [To Marv] Go check it out.
[Long pause. Marv just nods. Harry looks at Marv in a stunned way while Marv looks over at Harry]
Marv: Now?
[Harry fumes]
Harry: No! Tomorrow, Egghead! NOW! GET!
[Marv quickly gets out of the van]
Harry: [To himself] "Now"!?

Harry: Remember the kid we saw the other day? He lives here.
Marv: Well, if the kid's there, his parents gotta be.
Harry: He's home alone.

Harry: Merry Christmas, little fella. We know that you're in there, and that you're all alone.
Marv: Yeah, come on, kid, open up. It's Santy Claus... and his elf!
Harry: We're not gonna hurt you.
Marv: Oh no, no, we got some nice presents for you.
Harry: Be a good little fella now, and open the door. [Kevin shoots Harry in the groin; high-pitched] AHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOO... [Fall to his knees, cursing]
Marv: What? What? What?! What happened?!
Harry: Get the little...!
[Marv sticks his head to the dog door and smiles]
Kevin McCallister: Hello.
[Kevin shoots Marv at the head causing him to fall the dog door]
Marv: AH! AHHH!
Kevin McCallister: Yes! Yes!
Marv: The little jerk is armed!
Harry: That's it! That's it! I'm going round the front, you go to the basement!

When I grow up and get married I'm living alone! Did you hear me! I'm living alone! I'm living alone! I'm living alone!

Down here you big horse's ass! Come and get me before I call the police!

Down here you idiots! Come and get me before I call the police! (CENSORED VERSION)

This is my house; I have to defend it.

I made my family disappear. (thinks back to family treating him badly) I made my family disappear!

Bless this highly nutritious microwavable macaroni and cheese dinner and the people who sold it on sale. Amen.