The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy quotes

27 total quotes (ID: 760)

Arthur Dent
Dialogues
Marvin
Other characters
The Book/Narrator
Trillian
Zaphod Beeblebrox


What to do if you find yourself stuck with no hope of rescue: Consider yourself lucky that life has been good to you so far. Alternatively, if life hasn't been good to you so far, which given your present circumstances seems more likely, consider yourself lucky that it won't be troubling you much longer.


I'd give you advice, but you wouldn't listen. No one ever does.

The Point-of-View gun conveniently does precisely what its name suggests. That is, if you point it at someone and pull the trigger, they instantly see things from your point of view. It was designed by Deep Thought, but commissioned by a consortium of intergalactic angry housewives, who after countless arguments with their husbands were sick to the teeth of ending those arguments with the phrase "You just don't get it, do you?"

Vogon poetry is widely accepted as the third worst in the Universe. The second worst is that of the Azgoths of Khria. During a recitation by their Poet-Master Grunthos the Flatulent of his poem Ode to a Small Lump of Green Putty I Found in My Armpit One Midsummer Morning, four of his audience died of internal haemorrhaging, and the President of the Mid-Galactic Arts Nobbling Council survived by gnawing one of his own legs off. The absolute worst poetry was written by Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings of Sussex. Luckily, it was destroyed when the Earth was.

[as they are gazing at the wonder of Magrathea] Incredible... it's even worse than I thought it would be.

I've been talking to the Ship's computer...It hates me.

Vogons are one of the most unpleasant races in the galaxy. Not actually evil, but bad-tempered, bureaucratic, officious, and callous. They wouldn't even lift a finger to save their own grandmothers from the ravenous Bug-Blatter Beast of Traal without orders signed in triplicate, sent in, sent back, lost, found, queried, subjected to public inquiry, lost again, and finally buried in soft peat for three months and recycled as firelighter. On no account should you allow a Vogon to read poetry to you.

The Jatravartids, who live in perpetual fear of the time they call "The Coming of The Great White Handkerchief", are small blue creatures with more than fifty arms each. They are unique in being the only race in history to have invented the aerosol deodorant before the wheel.

This will all end in tears, I just know it.

So much for the laws of physics....

Unbelievable

Not that anyone cares what I say, but the Restaurant is on the other end of the universe.