Hitch quotes

View Quote I've waited my entire life to be this miserable.

View Quote You can't stop it... [shouts] You cannot stop it...

View Quote [showing Hitch his dance moves] Do the Q-tip! Q-tip! Now throw it away! Now what am I doing? I'm makin a pizza!

View Quote Vance: [after telling Hitch that he only wants a girl so he can sleep with her] No, I was told that you help guys get in there.
Alex "Hitch" Hitchens: Right, but see, here's the thing - my clients actually *like* women. "Hit it and quit it" is not my thing.
Vance: Let me make one thing clear to you, rabbi, I need professional help.
Alex "Hitch" Hitchens: Well, *that* is for damn certain.

View Quote Vance: [grabs Hitch by the wrist] You see what I'm doing? This is what I'm about - power suit, power tie, power steering. People can wince, cry, beg, but eventually they do what I want.
Alex "Hitch" Hitchens: Oh! So that's, like, a metaphor?
Vance: Oh, yeah.
Alex "Hitch" Hitchens: Right. Well, see, I'm more of a literal kind of guy. So when I do this... [he reverses the grip, twists Vance's arm back and slams him on the table]
Alex "Hitch" Hitchens: This is more like me saying that I will literally *break your shit off* if you ever touch me again. Mmk, pumpkin?

View Quote Sara: What's your name?
Chip: They call me Chip.
Sara: Aw, you can't get 'em to stop?

View Quote Albert: You know, honestly, I never knew I could feel like this. You know? I swear I'm, I'm going out of my mind. It's like I want to throw myself off of every building in New York. I, I see a cab and I just wanna dive in front of it because then I'll stop thinking about her.
Alex "Hitch" Hitchens: Look, you will. Just give it time.
Albert: That's just it. I don't want to. I mean, I've waited my whole life to feel this miserable. I mean, and if this is the only way I can stay connected with her, then... well, this is who I have to be.

View Quote Sara: So, you kinda like me, huh?
Alex "Hitch" Hitchens: No. I love you

View Quote Alex "Hitch" Hitchens: Now, on the one hand, it is very difficult for a man to even speak to someone who looks like you. But, on the other hand, should that be your problem?
Sara: So life's kind of hard all around.
Alex "Hitch" Hitchens: Not if you pay attention. I mean, you're sending all the right signals - no earrings, heels under two inches, your hair is pulled back, you're wearing reading glasses with no book, drinking a Grey Goose martini, which means you had a hell of a week and a beer just wouldn't do it. And if that wasn't clear enough, there's always the "**** off" that you have stamped on your forehead.

View Quote Max: Spoken like a true cynic.
Sara: I'm not a cynic, I'm a realist!
Max: Or a realist masquerading as a cynic who is secretly an optimist.

View Quote Max: She said people who are guarded are afraid that you can see right through them. That's why they hide behind layers of secrecy.

View Quote Sara: "I heard every word. You're a scam artist. You trick women into getting..."
Hitch: "Into getting out of their own way so great guys like Albert Brennaman have a fighting chance."
Speed Dating Host: "Please..."
Hitch: "No, no, no. I want -- (gestures at speed dating scene) I want everybody to take a look at this right now. Because this -- this right here -- this is exactly why falling in love is so goddamn hard!"

View Quote Relationships are for people who are waiting for something better to come along cus shneeding aint easy.