Phil quotes

Two words: I. Am. Retired! [Hercules finger-counts in confusion]

I trained all those would-be heroes. Odysseus, Perseus, Theseus. A lot of "yusses".

And then there was Achilles. Now there was a guy who had it all; the build, the foot-speed. He could jab! He could take a hit! He could keep on comin'! [pause] BUT THAT MESHUGGANEH HEEL OF HIS! He barely gets nicked there once and kaboom! He's history.

One town, a million troubles. The one and only Thebes. The Big Olive itself. If you can make it there, you can make it anywhere.

Keep your toga on, pal.

Rein it in, rookie. You can get away with mistakes like those in the minor decathalons, but this is the big leagues!

Nymphs, they can't get their hands off me.

"It takes more than sinew, comes down to what's in you, you'll have to continue to gro-o-ow! Now that's more like it!..." --One Last Hope

Hercules: Meg, when I'm with you, I-I don't feel so alone.
Meg: Sometimes it's better to be alone.
Hercules: What do you mean?
Meg: Nobody can hurt you.

Panic: He's not gonna be happy when he gets outta there.
Pain: You mean if he gets out of there.
Panic: If? "If" is good.

Hercules: You like making deals. Take me in Meg's place.
Hades: Oh, hmph. The son of my hated rival trapped forever in a river of death.
Hercules: Going once!
Hades: Hmm? Is there a downside to this?
Hercules: Going twice!
Hades: Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay! You get her out. She goes, you stay.
[Hercules dives in to save Meg]
Hades: Oh, you know what slipped my mind? You'll be dead before you can get to her. That's not a problem, is it?

[Hercules survives the river and saves Meg]
Hades: This is... This is impossible! Y-y-you can't be alive! You'd have to be a...
Pain and Panic: A God?!

Meg: Is Wonderboy here for real?
Phil: What are you talkin' about? Of course he's real. Whoa! And by the way, sweet-cheeks, I'm real too.

Hades: Meg, my little flower, my little bird, my little nut Meg. What exactly happened here? I thought you were gonna persuade the River Guardian to join my team for the uprising, and now here I am, kind of River Guardian-less.
Meg: I gave it my best shot, but me made me an offer I had to refuse.

Panic: Hercules. Why does that name ring a bell?
Pain: I don't know. Um, maybe we owe him money?

Hades: So you took care of him, huh? Dead as a doornail. Weren't those your exact words?
Pain: This might be a different Hercules.
Panic: Yeah! I mean, Hercules is a very popular name nowadays!
Pain: Remember, like, a few years ago, every other boy was named Jason, and the girls were all named Brittany?!

Hercules: Aren't you, a damsel in distress?
Meg: I'm a damsel. I'm in distress. I can handle this. Have a nice day.

Hercules: People are... are gonna get hurt, aren't they?
Hades: Nah! I mean, it's, you know, it's a possibility. It happens 'cause, you know, it's war, but what can I tell ya. Anyway, what do you owe these people, huh?

Zeus: So, Hades, you finally made it. How are things in the underworld?
Hades: Well, they're just fine. You know, a little dark, a little gloomy. And, as always, hey, full of dead people. What are you gonna do?

Zeus: You ought to slow down. You'll work yourself to death. Hah! Work yourself to death!
[everone laughs]
Zeus: Oh, I kill myself!
Hades: [to himself] If only. If only.

[Phil is trying to tell Hercules the truth about Meg.] Phil: Kid, listen to me! She's...
Hercules: A dream come true?
Phil: Not exactly.
Hercules: More beautiful than Aphrodite?
Phil: Aside from that.
Hercules: The most wonderful...
Phil: SHE'S A FRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUD!!!!!!! SHE'S BEEN PLAYIN' YOU FOR A SAP!!
Hercules: Stop kidding around, Phil.
Phil: I'm not kiddin' around!
Hercules: I know you're upset about today, but that's no reason to--
Phil: Kid, you're missin' the point!
Hercules: The point is I love her.
Phil: She don't love you!
Hercules: You're crazy.
Phil: She's nothing but a two-timin'...
Hercules: Stop it!
Phil: ... no-good, lyin', schemin'...
Hercules: SHUT UP!!! [Hits Phil]

Hades: Ladies! Hah. I am so sorry that I'm...
Fate 1, Fate 2, Fate 3: Late.
Fate 1: We knew you would be.
Fate 2: We know everything.
Fate 1: Past.
Fate 2: Present.
Fate 3: And future. [aside, to Panic] Indoor plumbing. It's gonna be big.

[Hercules is fighting Nessus, and losing]
Phil: Come on, kid, concentrate! USE YOUR HEAD!
Hercules: Ah...
[Hercules headbutts Nessus, sending him flying]
Phil: Alright! Not bad, kid! [To himself] Not exactly what I had in mind, but not bad...

Meg: Hercules, look out! [shoves him aside, the pillar falling on top of her]
Hercules: Meg! NOOOOOOO!!!!
[rushes over and begins to lift the pillar off of her, his strength suddenly returning as he holds it over his head] Hercules: What's happening?
Meg: H-hades deal is broken... (gasps in pain)He promised I wouldn't get hurt...
Hercules: [takes Meg into his arms] Meg, why did you...?
Meg: People always do crazy things...(groans)when they're in love.
Hercules: M-Meg... I...
Meg [wryly]: Are you... always this articulate?

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