Aunt Marge: Do they use the cane at St Brutus's, boy?
Harry: [catching Uncle Vernon's eye] Oh yeah, yeah, I've been beaten loads of times.
Aunt Marge: Excellent. I won't hear any of this wishy-washy nonsense about not beating someone when they deserve it.
Ron: I'm warning you, Hermione! Keep that bloody beast away from Scabbers, or I'll turn it into a tea-cosy!
Hermione: It's a cat Ronald, what do you expect? It's in his nature.
Ron: A cat!? Is that what they told you? Looks more like a pig with hair if you ask me!
Hermione: That's rich, coming from the owner of that smelly old shoebrush.
Fred: You're not flashing that clipping about again, are you Ron?
Ron: I haven't shown anyone!
George: No, not a soul!
Fred; Not unless you count Tom...
George: The day maid...
Fred: The night maid...
George: That bloke who fixed the toilet...
Fred: And that wizard from Belgium!
The Fat Lady: [In a painting; she sings while holding a glass] Ah ah ah ahhh!
Harry: Fortuna Major.
The Fat Lady: No, wait, wait! [Sings in a higher pitch] Ah ah ah ahhh!
Harry: [Irritated] Fortuna Major.
The Fat Lady: Wait! [Screams] Ah ah ah AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!
[The Fat Lady surrepticiously looks around to make sure nobody's watching, then smashes the glass on a pillar in the painting]
The Fat Lady: Oh, amazing! And just with my voice!
Harry: [Impatient] Fortuna Major!
The Fat Lady: [Petulant] Yes, all right, all right, you can go in. [The door behind her opens to let the students in.
Harry: [Exasperated] Thank you!
The Fat Lady: Plebs.
Ron: He looks a bit peaky, doesn't he?
George: Peaky?
Fred: What do you expect? He fell over 100 feet.
George: Yeah, Ron. Let's walk you off the top of the Astronomy tower.
Fred: And see what you look like.
Harry: Probably a right sight better than he normally does.
George: Gave us a right good scare, there, mate.
Hermione: Harry, are you all right?
Harry: Brilliant. What happened?
Ron: Well, you fell off your broom.
Harry: Oh, really? I meant the match. Who won?
Hermione: Um... no one blames you, Harry. The Dementors aren't supposed to come inside the grounds. Dumbeldore was furious. As soon as he saved you, he sent them straight off.
Ron: There's um... something else you should know about, too, Harry. When you fell, your broom, it sort of blew into the Whomping Willow and... [Holds up what's left of the destroyed handle of Harry's Nimbus 2000]... Well.
Harry: No. Is that really...?
Fred: Dumbledore...
George: In his study....
Fred: Pacing...
George: Does that a lot.
Harry:So this map shows...
Fred: [about the Marauder's Map] Everyone.
George: Where they are...
Fred: What they're doing...
George: Every minute...
Fred: Of every day!
Ron: [Waking up from a bad dream; sleepily] Sp-sp-sp-spiders! I don't wanna, I don't want- They want me to tap dance! I don't wanna tap dance!
Harry: [amused] You tell those spiders, Ron.
Ron: [nodding] Yeah, I'll tell 'em, I'll tell 'em, tell 'em. [Instantly falls asleep again]
[Snape has caught Harry in a hallway.]
Snape: Potter. What are you doing wandering the corridors at night?
Harry: I was sleepwalking.
Snape: How extraordinarily like your father, you are, Potter. Wandering the corridors at night, strutting about the castle.
Harry: My dad didn't strut. And nor do I. Now, I would appreciate it if you would lower your wand.
Snape: [Lowers his wand] Turn out your pockets. Turn out your pockets. [Harry shows him the Marauder's Map] What's this?
Harry: Spare bit of parchment.
Snape: Really? Open it.
[Harry opens the map]
Snape: [Puts his wand on the map] Reveal your secrets. [To Harry] Read it.
Harry: "Messrs. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs offer their compliments to Professor Snape and..."
Snape: Go on.
Harry: "... and request that he keep his abnormally large nose out of other people's business."
Snape: Why you insolent, little--
Lupin: Professor.
Snape: Well, well. Lupin. Out for a little walk in the moonlight, are we?
[Hermione sees Malfoy laughing about Buckbeak, Hagrid's hippogriff, being executed that night]
Draco Malfoy: [to Crabbe and Goyle] Father said I could have the hippogriff's head. Maybe I'll donate it to the Gryffindor Common Room.
Crabbe:Look who's here.
Draco Malfoy: Ah! Come to see the show?
Hermione: You! You foul, loathsome, evil, little ****roach![holds Malfoy at wandpoint]
Ron: No, Hermione, he's not worth it!
[Hermione relaxes and takes her wand away from Malfoy, but almost immediately punches him in the face. His gang runs off.]
Hermione: That felt good.
Ron: Not good. Brilliant!
Harry: Ron, the dog, where is it?
Ron: Harry, he's the dog! He's an animagus!
[Sirius appears behind a door]
Hermione: If you want to kill Harry, you'll have to kill us, too!
Sirius Black: No. Only one will die tonight.
Harry: Then it'll be you!
[Harry wrestles Black onto the floor and holds him at wandpoint]
Sirius Black: [Laughing] Are you going to kill me, Harry?
Lupin: Expelliarmus! [Harry's wand flies out of his hand and he goes over to Ron and Hermione] Well, well, Sirius. Looking rather ragged, aren't we? Finally, the flesh reflects the madness within.
Sirius Black: Well, you'd know all about the madness within, wouldn't you, Remus?
[Lupin helps Sirius up off the floor]
Sirius Black: I found him!
Lupin: I know.
Sirius Black: He's here!
Lupin: I understand.
Sirius Black: Let's kill him!
Hermione: No! I trusted you. And all this time, you've been his friend. He's a werewolf! That's why he's been missing classes.
Lupin: How long have you known?
Hermione: Since Professor Snape set the essay.
Lupin: Well, well, Hermione, you really are the brightest witch of your age I've ever met.
Sirius Black: Enough talk, Remus! Come on, let's kill him!
Lupin: Wait!
Lupin: [Hands him his wand] Very well. Kill him. But wait one more minute. Harry has the right to know why.
Harry: I know why. You betrayed my parents. You're the reason they're dead!
Lupin: No, Harry. Someone did betray your parents but it was somebody who, until quite recently, "I believed to be dead."
Harry: Who was it then?
Sirius: Peter Pettigrew! And he's in this room, right now!
Sirius Black: Come out, come out Peter! Come out, come out and play!
Snape: [Enters] Expelliarmus! [Disarms Black] Vengeance is sweet. I'd hoped I'd be the one to catch you.
Lupin: Severus--
Snape: [Directs his wand at Lupin] I told Dumbledore you were helping an old friend into the castle and now... here's the proof.
Sirius Black: Brilliant, Snape. Once again, you've put your keen and penetrating mind to the task and, as usual, come to the wrong conclusion. Now, if you'll excuse us, Remus and I have some unfinished business to attend to!
Snape: [Puts his wand to Black's neck] Give me a reason! I beg you!
Lupin: Severus, don't be a fool.
Sirius Black: He can't help it.It's habit by now.
Lupin: Sirius, be quiet.
Sirius Black: Be quiet yourself, Remus!
Snape: Listen to you two, quarrelling like an old married couple.
Sirius Black: Why don't you run along and play with your chemistry set!?
Snape: [Forces his wand into Black's neck] I could do it, you know. But why deny the Dementors? They're so longing to see you. Do I detect a flicker of fear? Oh, yes. A Dementor's Kiss. One could only imagine what that must be like to endure. It's said to be nearly unbearable to witness but I'll do my best!
Lupin: Severus, please.
Snape: After you!
[Harry points Hermione's wand at Sirius, then at Snape]
Harry: Expelliarmus! [Blasts Snape into a bed, unconscious]
Ron: Harry, what did you just do?
Hermione: You attacked a teacher!
Harry: Tell me about Peter Pettigrew!
Lupin: He was at school with us. We thought he was our friend.
Harry: No. Pettigrew's dead. [Points the wand at Sirius] You killed him!
Lupin: [Stands in front of Sirius] No he didn't! I thought so, too, until you mentioned seeing Pettigrew's name on the map.
Harry: The map was lying, then.
Sirius: The map never lies. Pettigrew's alive. And he's right there! [Points at Ron]
Ron: Me?! He's mental!
Sirius: Not you! Your rat!
Ron: Scabbers has been in our family for--
Sirius: Twelve years! Curiously long life for a common garden rat!? He's missing a toe, isn't he?
Ron: So what?
Harry: All they could find of Pettigrew was his--
Sirius: Finger! The dirty coward cut it off so that everyone would think he was dead! And then he transformed into a rat!
Harry: Show me. [Sirius attempt take Scabbers from Ron] Give it to him, Ron.
Ron: No! What are you trying to do to him? [Sirius takes Scabbers] Scabbers! Leave him alone!
[Sirius and Lupin just barely manage to make the rat transform into Peter Pettigrew]
Peter Pettigrew: Remus? Sirius. My old friends! [Attempts to escape] Harry, look at you. You look so much like your father, like James. We were the best of friends--
Sirius: How dare you speak to Harry! [Chases him behind a piano] How dare you talk about James in front of him!
Lupin: You sold James and Lily to Voldemort, didn't you?!
Peter Pettigrew: I didn't mean to! The Dark Lord, you have no idea the weapons he possesses. Ask yourself, Sirius. What would you have done? What would you have done?
Sirius: I WOULD'VE DIED!!! I would've died rather than betray my friends!!
[Harry blocks the door as Pettigrew attempts to escape]
Peter Pettigrew: Harry, James wouldn't have wanted me killed. Your father-he would've spared me. He would've shown me mercy!
[Sirius and Lupin grab Pettigrew and prepare to kill him]
Sirius: You should've realized, Peter, that if the Dark Lord didn't kill you, then we would. Together!
Harry: No!
Lupin: Harry, this man is...
Harry: I know what he is. But we'll take him up to the castle.
Peter Pettigrew: Bless, you boy! Bless you!
Harry: Get off. I said we'd take you up to the castle. After that, the Dementors can have you.
Harry: You were right, Hermione! It wasn't my dad I saw earlier! It was me! I did because I'd already done it! Does that make sense?
Hermione: No! But I don't like [Screams] FLYING!!!!!
Sirius:[Getting off of Buckbeak] I'll be forever grateful for this, to the both of you.
Harry: I want to go with you.
Sirius: Some other time, perhaps. But there will be time where my life will become too unpredictable.
Harry: But you're innocent--
Sirius: And you know it!
[Harry Looks away not convinced]
Sirius: I expect you're tired of hearing this all the time Harry...But you look so like your father...Except for your eyes...You have--
Harry: I have my mothers eyes.
Sirius: You know it's a shame I got to spend so much time with Lily and James, and not as much time with you...But the ones that love us...never really leave us...and you can always find them...[Puts his on Harry's heart] right here...
[Gets up and walks over and climbs on Buckbeak, looks at Hermione.]
Sirius: You really are the brightest witch of your age.
[Rides off into the moonlight.]
Harry: We did it, sir. He's free.
Dumbledore: [Sarcastically] Did what? Good night.
Ron: How did you get there? I was just talking to you there! And now you're there!
Hermione: What's he talking about, Harry?
Harry: I don't know. Honestly Ron, how can a person be in two places at once?
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