Harold  & Kumar Go to White Castle

Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle quotes

72 total quotes (ID: 849)

Freakshow
Harold Lee
Kumar Patel
Mean Tollbooth Guy
Others


Officer Palumbo: Bullets--my only weakness! How did you know?


Goldstein: This movie makes no sense. She's possessed, she's not possessed; that rack had better be stacked. Oh! Tits! Those aren't real. Yes, they are!

Cole: Extreme kayaking!

Clarissa: Damn! You sank my battle-shit!

Rosenberg: Boobies, boobies, boobies!

Female Anchor: Police in Cherry Hill, New Jersey, have just arrested a gang of hooligans who are suspected of terrorizing numerous strip malls and convenience stores. Officer Thurmond Brucks found their abandoned car, which contained a large bag of marijuana. And in other news, the Muckleburg police department are still looking for a fugitive who escaped from the police station last night with a companion believed to be his accomplice. Police have released sketches of the two fugitives which they believe to be extremely accurate (Image shows racial characterizations of an asian and an indian).

Officer Palumbo: I'm not a ****ing racist, okay?! You mother****er, so run away, and those black mother****ers won't get away with this, okay?! So suck my ****ing ****!

J.D.: Billy boy! Get your ass ready. It's almost 5:00 and this bad boy needs to get his drink on. No, no, no. Give me that.
Billy Carver: Don't.
J.D.: I'm gonna burn it once and for all.
Billy Carver: Stop it.

Harold: ...The universe tends to unfold as it should.
Kumar: What is that? Some fortune cookie?

[cops left moments earlier to check out a shooting in Millbrook Park]
Kumar: [from inside a heating duct at the police station, where Harold is in jail] Rold? Is that you?
Harold: Kumar?
Kumar: Hey, are the cops still here?
Harold: What the hell are you doing?
Kumar: I just called and made up some story about a shooting in Millbrook Park.
Harold: Jesus Christ, what'd you do that for?!
Kumar: I'm ****ing starving! I figured I'd bust you out and we'd go get some burgers.

Kumar: [sniffs] Hey, what's that smell?
Harold: What smell? Kumar.
Kumar: [starts sniffing like a crazed bloodhound, and then sees a huge bag of marijuana, his eyes widen]
Harold: Hey Kumar! Kumar! Where are you--?
[Kumar rushes to the bag of marijuana]
Harold: Kumar! Still in jail, asshole! Come here!

Officer Martone: [notices the jail door keys in the jail door, and Tarik Jackson sitting inside the cell reading a book] Hey, Jackson's trying to escape!
Jackson: What are you talking about? I'm just sitting here.
Officer Reilly: He's trying to break free! Get him!
Jacksom: Aw, shit.
[gets up and spread eagles on the cell wall, while still holding the book in one hand]
Officer Martone: Don't move. Stop resisting! We need back up now! He's got a gun!
Jackson: That's not a gun, that's a book.
Officer Reilly: Secure the book!
Officer Palumbo: Book is secure. You bring this filth [book is on human rights] in here?! What is this shit?!

Harold: I want that.
Kumar: What? A Hot Dog Heaven super chili cheese dog?
Harold: No. I want that feeling. The feeling that comes over a man when he gets exactly what he desires. I need that feeling!
Kumar: Are you saying what I think you're saying?
Harold: We gotta go to White Castle.
Kumar: Yes! Yes! I knew you had it in you dude!

Harold: Neil, you wouldn't happen to know how to get on the highway from here, would you?
Neil Patrick Harris: Dude, I don't even know where the **** I am right now. I was at this party earlier tonight and some guy hooked me up with this incredible "X"--next thing I know I'm being thrown out of a moving car. I've been trippin' balls ever since.
Kumar: That's crazy, dude. We've been having a pretty crazy, night, too. We've just been driving around looking for White Castle but we keep getting sidetracked.
Neil Patrick Harris: Yeah, dude, you fascinate me. Forget White Castle, let's go get some pussy!
Harold: Huh?
Neil Patrick Harris: It's a ****ing sausage fest in here, bros. Let's get some poon-tang. Then we'll go to White Castle.
Kumar: No, Neil, you don't understand. We've been craving these burgers all night.
Neil Patrick Harris: Yeah, I've been craving burgers, too--fur burgers. Come on, dudes, let's pick up some trim at a strip club. The Doogie line always works on strippers. [sings] Lap-dance.
Kumar: [pause] There's a gas station. I'm gonna see if I can get some directions.
Neil Patrick Harris: You don't need dir--gah. Hurry up, dudes, hurry up! I'm losing wood.
[they park, pause]
Neil Patrick Harris: Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry.
Kumar: Look, chill.
Harold: We'll be right back, Neil.
[they exit the car]
Harold: Dude, what is the deal with Neil Patrick Harris? Why is he so horny?

Harold: Did Doogie Howser just steal my ****ing car?
Kumar: Yes. I think he did.
Harold: [starts screaming] You! You had to pick up a hitchhiker! Why?!
Kumar: Dude, I thought Neil Patrick Harris was a stand up guy! How was I supposed to know he'd **** us over?