Good Morning, Vietnam quotes

View Quote Garlick: Gentlemen! Hey guys, guess who the hell I got in here.
Man 1: Groucho Marx!
Man 2: Senator Dirksen.
Man 3: Curly!
Garlick: Come on. Come on, come on, come on! Guess again.
Adrian: Oh bag it, bag it, Garlick.
Garlick: The fellow I got in here is the gentleman, the one and the only
Adrian: Oh, you're a dead man.
Garlick: The king of the airwaves, Adrian Cronauer.

View Quote Dickerson: This is not military issue, Airman. What sort of uniform is that?
Adrian: Cretan camouflage. If you want to blend into a crowd of drunken Greeks there's nothing better.
Dickerson: That is humor. I recognize that. I also recognize your species of soldier. I had a guy like you in the field one time. He blew himself to pieces. But not before his humor cost the lives of three very fine individuals.

View Quote Here's a little riddle for you. What's the difference between the army and the Cub Scouts? [Imitates buzzer] Cub Scouts don't have heavy artillery!

View Quote I understand you're pretty funny as a DJ, and, well comedy is a kind of hobby of mine. Well, actually, it's a little more than just a hobby. Reader's Digest is considering publishing two of my jokes.

View Quote That's Marty Lee Drywitz. He's impeccably clean. This man has cleaning products shipped in from Wisconsin. He's also one of your roommates, so if I were you, I'd think about suicide.

View Quote Here's a news flash: Today President Lyndon Johnson passed a highway beautification bill. The bill basically said that his daughters could not drive in a convertible on public highways.

View Quote Garlick: You're not supposed to address the general saying "hiya."
Adrian: What's that, a new rule?
Garlick: No, old rule.

View Quote Military intelligence? There's a contradiction in terms.

View Quote You know, it wouldn't kill you people to salute me once in a while.

View Quote [Adrian sees the story about the bombing that he witnessed and he starts taking it to the control room, going past the two censors]
Censor #1: What do you think you're doing? You know you're forbidden to read anything not checked by this office.
Adrian: What's there to check? I was there.
Censor #1: Airman, you know the rules. If this is a legitimate news story, it must go through proper channels.
Adrian: Listen, Tweedledee, it's an actual event. [referring to the blood on his shirt] What do you think this came from? Shaving? It's the truth. I just want to report the truth. It'll be a nice change of pace.
Dickerson: What's going on here?
Adrian: Sir, will you listen to me?
Dickerson: [reads the story] This is not official news, airman. As far as I'm concerned, it didn't happen.
Adrian: It did happen.
Dickerson: You shut your mouth!
Adrian: What are you afraid of Dickerson? People might find out there's a war going on?
Dickerson: This news is not official.
Adrian: You want everyone going under the assumption it's perfectly safe here, don'tcha? Well, it's not. The fighting's not just in the hills, it's downtown. It's a couple of ****ing BLOCKS!
Dickerson: I SAID IT IS NONE OF YOUR GODDAMN BUSINESS!
Adrian: I see your point. I'm sorry. I guess I get inside, hit these air conditioners, I get a little dizzy. Thanks for setting me straight.

View Quote Hauk: Okay, who do we have slated for live entertainment in November?
Phil: Well, we originally wanted Bob Hope, but it turns out he won't come.
Hauk: Why not?
Garlick: He doesn't play police actions, just wars. Bob likes a big room, sir.
[The group laughs]
Hauk: That is not funny!
Abersold: How about if it escalated?
Hauk: How about if what escalated?
Abersold: The Vietnam conflict
Hauk: The Vietnam conflict. We are not going to escalate a whole war just so we can book a big name comedian!

View Quote [As camp fashion consultant] Thank you. I think this fall, the discerning GI is gonna be wearing green in the jungle. Why? Because it matches with the green! The leaves, they fall upon the helmets, says yes to me.

View Quote And as far as polkas, they are a much maligned musical taste.

View Quote I live to collate, sir.

View Quote Mantovani? They play Mantovani to insomniacs who don't respond to strong drugs!