Good Morning, Vietnam quotes

View Quote [Garlick wakes him up] My God, it's Mardi Gras, and I'm on the main float.

View Quote [To Adrian] You are not funny. But you are a maniac, and you'd better start changing your life.

View Quote [To Jimmy Wah] James! Nice, shiny green suit. You look like an Oriental leprechaun.

View Quote [To Lt Hauk] Sir? I'm begging you. Don't try to do comedy. It's not in your blood.

View Quote [To Srg. Major Dickerson] You know, you're in more dire need of a blowjob than any white man in history.

View Quote [to Trinh] You know, you're very beautiful. You're also very quiet. And I'm not used to girls being that quiet unless they're medicated. Normally I go out with girls who talk so much you could hook them up to a wind turbine and they could power a small New Hampshire town.

View Quote And as far as polkas, they are a much maligned musical taste.

View Quote But if you toy with me, I'll burn you so bad you'll wish you died as a child.

View Quote Ed, are you always this happy?

View Quote Excuse me, sir. Seeing as how the VP is such a VIP, shouldn't we keep the PC on the QT? 'Cause if it leaks to the VC he could end up MIA, and then we'd all be put on KP

View Quote Goooooooood morning, Vietnam! Hey, this is not a test! This is rock-'n'-roll! Time to rock it from the Delta to the DMZ! Is that me, or does that sound like an Elvis Presley movie?

View Quote Here's a little riddle for you. What's the difference between the army and the Cub Scouts? [Imitates buzzer] Cub Scouts don't have heavy artillery!

View Quote Here's a news flash: Today President Lyndon Johnson passed a highway beautification bill. The bill basically said that his daughters could not drive in a convertible on public highways.

View Quote Hey, is it a little too early for being that loud? Hey, too late! It's 0600. What's the O stand for? "Oh my God, it's early!" Speaking of early, how about that Cro-Magnon Marty Drywitz. Thank you Marty for "Silky-smooth sound." Make me sound like Peggy Lee...

View Quote Hey, we're back. That last few seconds of silence was Marcel Marceau's newest hit single, "Walkin' In The Wind." And now, here are the headlines. Here they come at you right now. Pope actually found to be Jewish. Liberace is Anastasia, and Ethel Merman jams Russian radar. The East Germans, today, claimed that the Berlin Wall was a fraternity prank. Also the Pope decided today to release Vatican-related bath products. An incredible thing, yes, it's the new Pope-on-a-Rope. That's right. Pope-on-a-Rope. Wash with it, go straight to heaven. Thank you.