Attendent: (off screen, after Ed has released a deranged man from his straight jacket) Goodness gracious! He's killing Sydney!

Fizz: My name's never been abbreviated before. I love that!

Guards at asylum: Hey! Ho! Hey! Ho!

Otis: (after eating a fry with Ed's sauce on it) It makes me glad I'm not dead!

Otis: Can you get me to a hospital? I think I broke my ass.

Otis: I should've died years ago.

Customer: (motioning to Ed) Excuse me! Look, I ordered one Good Burger with nothing on it!
Ed: That's what I gave you.
Customer: No, you gave me a bun. Just a bun. Look there's no meat in here.
Ed: But you said you wanted nothing on it.
Customer: Yes, but I expected a meat patty!
Ed: Dude, a meat patty is something. You said nothing. Fizz, is a meat patty something or nothing?
Fizz: Uh, something?
Ed: (raises arm in the air) I win!
Customer: All right, that rips it! I am reporting your name to the manager!
Ed: The manager already knows my name.
Customer: Oh, I'll see you in Hell.
Ed: Okay, see ya there!

Dexter: (about Monique) How can I not like her? She smart, fun, beautiful and cuddly.
Ed: Then just ask her out.
Dexter: Naw.
Ed: What, you're chicken?
Dexter: I'm not a chicken!
Ed: Are too! Dexter's a chicken! Moo! Moo!
Dexter: CHICKENS! (quieter) Chickens don't moo Ed. They cluck. (Imitates chicken sound)
Ed (later in the scene): Moo.

Dexter: Hello. My name is Dexter. I'm your new co-worker.
Monique: (slightly irritated) Monique.
Dexter: Well, that's a nice outfit you got on there, Monique. And those stripes really bring out the color in your eyes.
Monique: (sarcastically) Yes. You can imagine how shocked I was when I came to work and saw everyone wearing the same thing.
Dexter: (laughs uneasily) Okay. I guess I'll see you later then.
Monique: I guess you will. (walks off)

Dexter: Hey, you look familiar. Don't I know you from somewhere?
Ed: Ever been to Australia?
Dexter: No.
Ed: Me neither.
Dexter: I've could've sworn I've seen you someplace before.
Ed: Hey, I know! Maybe I'm someone famous! You know, like a baseball player or a pretty nurse!
Dexter: What? Man, what in the world are you talking about?
Ed: Okay, okay. I give up. Who am I?
Dexter: Man, I don't know who you are. Or where I know you from. Or why you think you're an attractive nurse, but I am sure I don't wanna know you any longer. Now, please go away, I've had a very bad day.

Dexter: Man, I can't believe Kurt fired me from Mondo Burger. I mean, he yelled at me, then he insulted me. He made fun of me. (looks downcast)
Ed: Boy, you must really suck.
Dexter: See right about now I'd slap you in your head but I'm not sure if your brain would understand the concept of pain.

Dexter: So you poured that stuff in the meat didn't you?
Ed: I had to.
Dexter: You had to?
Ed: Sure. See, I knew that if I took the can, there was a good chance I'd get caught. Then I thought that even if I did take the triambythal to the proper authorities, Kurt would hire some high-powered attorney who dispute any charges brought against him or Mondo Burger, by manipulating the legal system. And the way that America's court system is congested these days, It would have taken months to convict him of anything. So then I thought, I just take the matter into my own hands and pour the triambythal into the meat supply and let Mondo Burger be a victim of its own foul play.
Dexter: Wait-wait-wait...You thought of all that?
Ed: Sure, I'm not stupid.

Dexter: So, Monique. What are you going to do tonight after you lock up?
Monique: I thought I'd go home.
Dexter: Home? Why?
Monique: Well... that's where my stuff is.

Dexter: So, uh, you like me?
Monique: Of course. So, uh, you like me?
Dexter: Are you kiddin'? I liked you from the first time I saw you! Right off the bat. But I guess it was the same thing for you, huh?
Monique: No, actually I thought you were self-centered and obnoxious.
Dexter: Well, so much for my self-esteem.

Dexter: What happened?
Ed: I just tackled some old lady.
Dexter: All right, Ed!