The Girl Next Door quotes

View Quote [Upon observing the cheerleaders and football players] Man, there is some talent here. You get those girls together with those assbags right there and shoot 'em humping at, like, a football game or at a prom, that video would sell - ****, I'm good! How do I get these ideas? It's like a gift, you know? It's like I can't control it.

View Quote April: [to Klitz] I know this isn't professional, but I think you're really cute.

View Quote Eli: Okay, you know what the three of us are? We're a tripod.
Klitz: A tripod?
Eli: Yes, a tripod. Which means that if you knock out one of our legs, WE-ALL-FALL!

View Quote [repeated line]
Matthew: It's not funny.
Danielle: It's a little funny.

View Quote [during watching porn movie]
Klitz: - Dude, I'm kind of uncomfortable watching this with you.
Eli: Shh... Dude, learn to like it.

View Quote Mr. Peterson: [while both recieving lap dances] So, what was the scholarship for?
Matthew: Moral fiber.

View Quote Eli: Dude, don't mess this up.
Matthew: Mess what up?
Eli: Matt, she's a porn star! Okay? Take her to a motel room and bang her like a beast!
Matthew: Eli, I like this girl.
Eli: And you can still like her with your penis inside her. Matthew, I tell you that you're going to regret this. What would JFK do? You know he'd tap that ass.
Matthew: Eli, you're never going to see her again.
Eli: Oh, you know what? Fine!
Matthew: Fine!
Eli: Fine! Goddammit Matt! I swear to God if you don't **** her, I'll kill myself! Matt! Please! Please! Matt! **** her for me! For me!

View Quote Matthew: Why are you doing this?
Danielle: What?
Matthew: This.
Danielle: Isn't that what you want? A porn star in a cheap motel? So this is what you really think of me.

View Quote Matthew: Why didn't you just tell me?
Danielle: Because I didn't want to! Because I loved the way you looked at me. You don't understand how hard...
[walks away]
Matthew: Wait!
Danielle: [shouts] **** you.

View Quote Eli: Dude!
Matthew: I know.
Klitz: Dude!
Matthew: I know.

View Quote Kelly: Sometimes in life if you wanna do something good, you gotta do something bad.
Matthew: Yeah, but this is breaking and entering.
Kelly: This is politics.

View Quote Mrs. Kidman: [referring to Eli & Klitz's porn star dates] Eli, do those girls go to your school?
Eli: Actually, no, Mrs. Kidman, they're porn stars.
[Mrs. Kidman laughs dismisingly]

View Quote Ferrari: I know I lost my virginity at prom. How about you? When did you lose your virginity?
April: When I was ten.
Ferrari: Okay, moving on...

View Quote Film School Student: Why'd you decide to skip film school? Don't you think you're a little young?
Eli: Dude, this suit costs more than your mom's car. Next quest-
Film School Student: You didn't answer m-
Eli: SHUT THE **** UP! Next question.