Friday quotes
12 total quotesMr. Jones
Others
Smokey
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[While watching a movie] "That's yo' asssss, Mr. Postman."
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Elderly Jehovah's Witness: [After Craig slams the door on her] Well, **** you! Half-dead mother****er.
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"That was stupid! How the hell did you go and get fired on your day off?"
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[Opening lines] "Listen, I know you don't smoke weed...I know this. But I'ma get you high today. 'Cause it's Friday...you ain't got no job...and you ain't got shit to do!"
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Mr Jones: Craig!
Craig: What?
Mr Jones: Come in here!
[Craig enters bathroom, Mr Jones is spraying air freshener] Craig: Aw man, I'll wait until you come out.
Mr Jones: Boy, bring yo ass up in here! What you talkin 'bout, you 'wait til I come out'? I smelt yo shit for 22 years...now you can smell mine for 5 minutes.
...Urgh! [plop] Mr Jones: Now your mama told me what happened to you yesterday.
Craig: ...Wha?...
Mr Jones: That was stupid! ...How the hell you gonna get fired...on your day off?!
Craig: I don't know.
...Urrrgh! [plop] Mr Jones: Well, you need a trade. Look at that there, over there on the C-C-...urrrgh!...on the counter there. Ughh.
Craig: ...I ain't tryna be no dog-catcher!
Mr Jones: Why not?
Craig: I don't even like dogs.
Mr Jones: That's the beauty of it! I-I grab a dog...and...I-I choke him, and I-I...kick the shit out of him! All day long - my foot up a dog's ass! Yes, BANG BANG BANG up his ass! ...That's my plea-sure!
Craig: ...No thanks.
Mr Jones: Well, I'll tell you one thing. Round here, you go to work, you go to school. First of the month - the rent is due. If you ain't got nothin on the table, you ain't gotta worry about catchin a dog. You gotta worry about a dog...catchin YOUR ass!
Craig: What?
Mr Jones: Come in here!
[Craig enters bathroom, Mr Jones is spraying air freshener] Craig: Aw man, I'll wait until you come out.
Mr Jones: Boy, bring yo ass up in here! What you talkin 'bout, you 'wait til I come out'? I smelt yo shit for 22 years...now you can smell mine for 5 minutes.
...Urgh! [plop] Mr Jones: Now your mama told me what happened to you yesterday.
Craig: ...Wha?...
Mr Jones: That was stupid! ...How the hell you gonna get fired...on your day off?!
Craig: I don't know.
...Urrrgh! [plop] Mr Jones: Well, you need a trade. Look at that there, over there on the C-C-...urrrgh!...on the counter there. Ughh.
Craig: ...I ain't tryna be no dog-catcher!
Mr Jones: Why not?
Craig: I don't even like dogs.
Mr Jones: That's the beauty of it! I-I grab a dog...and...I-I choke him, and I-I...kick the shit out of him! All day long - my foot up a dog's ass! Yes, BANG BANG BANG up his ass! ...That's my plea-sure!
Craig: ...No thanks.
Mr Jones: Well, I'll tell you one thing. Round here, you go to work, you go to school. First of the month - the rent is due. If you ain't got nothin on the table, you ain't gotta worry about catchin a dog. You gotta worry about a dog...catchin YOUR ass!
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"Don't nobody go into the bathroom for about 35, 45 minutes."
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[Repeated line] "You got knock the **** out!"
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Smokey: Thought you had the day off yesterday?
Craig: I did. Boss called me around 3 o clock. Said they got me on tape stealing boxes.
Smokey: ...The **** you doin' stealin boxes for?! What you tryna do, build a clubhouse?
Craig: Hell, no, they ain't got me on tape! But the boss said he did...fired me on the spot.
Smokey: Damn! You've got to be one stupid mother-****er to get fired on your day off!
Craig: I did. Boss called me around 3 o clock. Said they got me on tape stealing boxes.
Smokey: ...The **** you doin' stealin boxes for?! What you tryna do, build a clubhouse?
Craig: Hell, no, they ain't got me on tape! But the boss said he did...fired me on the spot.
Smokey: Damn! You've got to be one stupid mother-****er to get fired on your day off!
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Ezal: [Feigning a fall in a convenience shop] "Ohhh...I'm suing y'all! Ohh, I'm hurt...ohh my neck! My back! My neck and my back! Ohh...I want a hundred and fifty THOUSAND! But we can settle out of court right now, for twenty bucks."
Clerk: Get your punk ass up. It ain't even wet over here. Damn!
Clerk: Get your punk ass up. It ain't even wet over here. Damn!
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Smokey: Break Yourself, fool.
Craig: Man, look what you did to my curtain. You better watch whose window you be sneaking in before you get smoked.
Smokey: With what? You ain't got nothing.
Craig: (pulls out a gun and sticks it in Smokey's face) With this.
Smokey: Whoa, man. Where did you get that from?
Craig: Yo Mama!
Smokey: **** You!
Craig: **** you.
Craig: Man, look what you did to my curtain. You better watch whose window you be sneaking in before you get smoked.
Smokey: With what? You ain't got nothing.
Craig: (pulls out a gun and sticks it in Smokey's face) With this.
Smokey: Whoa, man. Where did you get that from?
Craig: Yo Mama!
Smokey: **** You!
Craig: **** you.
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Red: Man! Why ain't ya'll help me?!
Smokey: Shit, I'm high
Red: If that were ya'll I would'a helped ya'll!
Craig: What 'bout the time he tried to choke me in Smoke's backyard?!
Smokey: Yea?!
Red: [thinks about it for a second] Oh that was different.
Smokey: Shit, I'm high
Red: If that were ya'll I would'a helped ya'll!
Craig: What 'bout the time he tried to choke me in Smoke's backyard?!
Smokey: Yea?!
Red: [thinks about it for a second] Oh that was different.
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[Craig's father catches him with a handgun]
Mr. Jones: What's that for?
Craig: Protection.
Mr. Jones: Protection from who?
Craig: Me and Smoke... I've got to walk Smokey down to his house.
Mr. Jones: Aw, man... your mother and I never would've moved to this neighborhood if we'd known you need a gun to walk down the damn street.
Craig: You know how it is 'round here.
Mr. Jones: Oh, no, son. That's not the way it is. You kids have been nothin' but punks. Sissified. So quick to pick up a gun. Too scared to take an ass-whipping. [Raises his fists] This is what makes you a man. When I was growing up, this was all the protection we needed. You win some, you lose some. But you live, you live to fight another day! Now you think you're a man with a gun in your hands, don't you?
Craig: I'm a man without it.
Mr. Jones: Put the gun down.
[Craig complies]
Mr. Jones: C'mon, put up your dukes.
[Craig raises his fists]
Mr. Jones: Now you're a man. Your uncle picked up a gun, too. He found out the hard way. Twenty-two years old. You've got a choice. This is all you need, alright?
Craig and Smokey [after seeing Big Worm's crew's van]: Oh shit!
Mr. Jones: What's that for?
Craig: Protection.
Mr. Jones: Protection from who?
Craig: Me and Smoke... I've got to walk Smokey down to his house.
Mr. Jones: Aw, man... your mother and I never would've moved to this neighborhood if we'd known you need a gun to walk down the damn street.
Craig: You know how it is 'round here.
Mr. Jones: Oh, no, son. That's not the way it is. You kids have been nothin' but punks. Sissified. So quick to pick up a gun. Too scared to take an ass-whipping. [Raises his fists] This is what makes you a man. When I was growing up, this was all the protection we needed. You win some, you lose some. But you live, you live to fight another day! Now you think you're a man with a gun in your hands, don't you?
Craig: I'm a man without it.
Mr. Jones: Put the gun down.
[Craig complies]
Mr. Jones: C'mon, put up your dukes.
[Craig raises his fists]
Mr. Jones: Now you're a man. Your uncle picked up a gun, too. He found out the hard way. Twenty-two years old. You've got a choice. This is all you need, alright?
Craig and Smokey [after seeing Big Worm's crew's van]: Oh shit!