ALL A B C D E F G H I J K L M
N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z #

Fight Club

Fight Club quotes

100 total quotes

Marla Singer
Multiple Characters
Narrator
Tyler Durden




View Quote Narrator: What are you talking about? This is not a ****ing piece of evidence! This is a person! He's a friend of mine, and you're not going to bury him in the ****ing garden.
Angel Face: He was killed serving Project Mayhem, sir.
Narrator: This is Bob.
Steph: But in Project Mayhem, we have no names.
Narrator: No, listen to me. This is a man and he has a name, and it's Robert Paulson, okay?
Mechanic: Robert Paulson.
Narrator: He is dead now, because of us, all right? You understand that?
[Everyone stares at Narrator]
Mechanic: I understand. In death, a member of Project Mayhem has a name. His name is Robert Paulson.
Steph: His name is Robert Paulson.
Narrator: Stop it! Shut up!
All Space Monkeys: His name is Robert Paulson!
All Space Monkeys (louder): His name is Robert Paulson! His name is Robert Paulson!
Narrator: This is all over with!
View Quote [Narrator's bags have just been confiscated]
Narrator: Was it ticking?
Airport Security Officer: Actually, throwers don't worry about ticking 'cause modern bombs don't tick.
Narrator: Sorry, throwers?
Airport Security Officer: Baggage handlers. But when a suitcase vibrates, then the throwers gotta call the police.
Narrator: My suitcase was vibrating?
Airport Security Officer: Nine times out of ten it's an electric razor. But ... every once in a while [looks around, leans in conspiratorially] ... it's a dildo. [leans back] Of course, it's company policy never to imply ownership in the event of a dildo. We have to use the indefinite article, "a dildo", never ... your dildo.
Narrator: I don't own a dildo!
View Quote Tyler Durden: Did you know that if you mix equal parts of gasoline and frozen orange juice concentrate, you can make napalm?
Narrator: No, I did not know that. Is that true?
Tyler Durden: That's right. One could make all kinds of explosives, using simple household items.
Narrator: Really ...?
Tyler Durden: If one were so inclined.
Narrator: Tyler, you are by far the most interesting single-serving friend I've ever met. ... See, I have this thing: everything on a plane is single-serving ...
Tyler Durden: Oh, I get it. It's very clever.
Narrator: Thank you.
Tyler Durden: How's that working out for you?
Narrator: What?
Tyler Durden: Being clever.
Narrator: ... Great.
Tyler Durden: Keep it up, then. Right up. [gets up from seat] Now, a question of etiquette: as I pass, do I give you the ass or the crotch?
View Quote [To the Chief of Police] Hi. You're going to call off your rigorous investigation. You're going to publicly state that there is no underground group. Or these guys are going to take your balls. We're going to send one to the New York Times, one to the L.A. Times press-release-style. Look, the people you are after are the people you depend on. We cook your meals, we haul your trash, we connect your calls, we drive your ambulances, we guard you while you sleep. Do not **** with us.
View Quote Richard Chesler (reading a piece of paper): The first rule of Fight Club is you don't talk about Fight Club?
Narrator (voice-over): I'm half asleep again. I must've left the original in the copy machine.
Richard Chesler: The second rule of Fight Club ... is this yours?
Narrator: Huh?
Richard Chesler: Pretend you're me, make a managerial decision: you find this, what would you do?
Narrator (pauses): Well, I gotta tell you: I'd be very, very careful who you talk to about that, because the person who wrote that ... is dangerous.
[Gets up from the chair]
Narrator (talking slowly): And this button-down, Oxford-cloth psycho might just snap, and then stalk from office to office with an Armalite AR-10 carbine gas-powered semi-automatic weapon, pumping round after round into colleagues and co-workers. This might be someone you've known for years. Someone very, very close to you.
Narrator (voice-over): Tyler's words coming out of my mouth.
[He snatches the piece of paper from Richard's hands]
Narrator (voice-over): And I used to be such a nice guy.
Narrator: Or maybe you shouldn't bring me every little piece of trash you happen to pick up.
[Phone rings]
Narrator (into phone): Compliance and Liability ...?
Marla Singer: My tit's gonna rot off.
Narrator (to Richard Chesler): Would you excuse me? I need to take this.
View Quote Narrator: Tyler was a night person. While the rest of us were sleeping, he worked. He had one part time job as a projectionist. See, a movie doesn't come all on one big reel. It comes on a few. So someone has to be there to switch the projectors at the exact moment that one reel ends and the next one begins. If you look for it, you can see these little dots come into the upper right-hand corner of the screen.
Tyler Durden: In the industry, we call them cigarette burns.
Narrator: That's the cue for a changeover. He flips the projectors, the movie keeps right on going, and nobody in the audience has any idea.
Tyler Durden: And why would anyone want this shit job?
Narrator: Because it affords him other interesting opportunities.
Tyler Durden: Like splicing single frames of pornography into family films.
Narrator: So when the snooty cat and the courageous dog with the celebrity voices meet for the first time in reel three, that's when you'll catch a flash of Tyler's contribution to the film.
[The audience is watching the film, the pornography flashes for a split second]
Narrator: Nobody knows that they saw it, but they did.
Tyler Durden: A nice, big **** ...
[Several audience members look rattled, a little girl is crying]
Narrator: Even a hummingbird couldn't catch Tyler at work.
View Quote Narrator: Well, what do you want me to do? You just want me to hit you?
Tyler Durden: C'mon, do me this one favor.
Narrator: Why?
Tyler Durden: Why? I don't know why; I don't know. Never been in a fight. You?
Narrator: No, but that's a good thing.
Tyler Durden: No, it is not. How much can you know about yourself if you've never been in a fight? I don't wanna die without any scars. So come on – hit me, before I lose my nerve.
Narrator: This is crazy.
Tyler Durden: So go crazy. Let 'er rip.
Narrator: I don't know about this.
Tyler Durden: I don't either. Who gives a shit? No one's watching. What do you care?
Narrator: Whoa, wait, this is crazy. You want me to hit you?
Tyler Durden: That's right.
Narrator: What, like in the face?
Tyler Durden: Surprise me.
Narrator: This is so ****ing stupid ...
[He swings and connects with Tyler's head]
Tyler Durden: Mother****er! You hit me in the ear!
Narrator: Well, Jesus, I'm sorry.
Tyler Durden: Ow, Christ ... why the ear, man?
Narrator: Guess I ****ed it up ...
Tyler Durden: No, that was perfect!
[He punches the Narrator in the stomach]
View Quote You have to consider the possibility that God does not like you. He never wanted you. In all probability, he hates you. This is not the worst thing that can happen. We don't need Him. **** damnation, man, **** redemption! If we are God's unwanted children, so be it!
View Quote Narrator: He was the guerilla terrorist in the food service industry.
[The Narrator looks at Tyler, who's urinating in a pot]
Tyler Durden: Do not watch. I cannot go when you watch.
Narrator: Apart from seasoning the lobster bisque, he farted on the meringue, sneezed on braised endive, and as for the cream of mushroom soup, well ...
Tyler Durden (snickers): Go ahead. Tell 'em.
Narrator: You get the idea.
View Quote For six months I couldn't sleep. With insomnia, nothing's real. Everything is far away. Everything is a copy ... of a copy ... of a copy.
View Quote Tyler Durden: We're consumers. We are by-products of a lifestyle obsession. Murder, crime, poverty, these things don't concern me. What concerns me are celebrity magazines, television with 500 channels, some guy's name on my underwear. Rogaine, Viagra, Olestra.
Narrator: Martha Stewart.
Tyler Durden: **** Martha Stewart! Martha's polishing the brass on the Titanic; it's all going down, man. So **** off with your sofa units and your Strinne green stripe patterns. I say, never be complete. I say, stop being perfect. I say, let's evolve, and let the chips fall where they may.
View Quote We all started seeing things differently. Everywhere we went, we were sizing things up. I felt sorry for guys who packed into gyms, trying to look like how Calvin Klein or Tommy Hilfiger said they should.
View Quote It was right on everyone's face. Tyler and I just made it visible. It was in the tip of everyone's tongue. Tyler and I just gave it a name.
View Quote Chloe: Well, I'm still here, but I don't know for how long. That's as much certainty as anyone can give me. But I've got some good news: I no longer have any fear of death. But I am in a pretty lonely place. No one will have sex with me. I'm so close to the end, and all I want is to get laid for the last time. I have pornographic movies in my apartment, and lubricants and amyl nitrate ...
View Quote It was beautiful: we were selling rich women their own fat asses back to them.