Kuzco: "...I'm a crumbling canyon wall, and I'm taking you with me." Well not today, pal! [shuffling to dance] Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh-uh-huh-uh-uh.
Pacha [uncertainly]: You just saved my life.
Kuzco: Huh?
[Yzma is shocked that her potion turned Kuzco into a llama instead of killing him]
Yzma: Take him out of town and finish the job, now!
Kronk: But, what about dinner?
Yzma: Kronk, this is kind of important.
Kronk: Not even dessert?
Yzma: [starts to protest, but stops] Well, I suppose there's time for dessert.
Kronk: [hopefully] And coffee?
Yzma: All right, a quick cup of coffee. Then take him out of town and finish the job!
[After Kuzco realizes he's been turned into a llama]
Pacha: What happened?
Kuzco: [trying to calm down] I'm trying to figure that out, okay? [falls and starts whining again] I can't remember! I can't remember anything! Wait a minute. [turns towards Pacha] I remember you! I remember telling you that I was building my pool where your house was. And then you got mad at me-- [gasps in shock, then turns back to Pacha angrily] Then you turned me into a llama!
Pacha: Wha--! No, I did not!
Kuzco: Yes, and then you kidnapped me!
Pacha: Why would I kidnap a llama?
Kuzco: I have no idea. You're the criminal mastermind, not me!
Pacha: What?!
Kuzco: [pauses] You're right. That's giving you way too much credit.
[Pacha and Kuzco are swinging to safety]
Pacha: Don't worry your Highness. I got ya. You're safe now.
[The vine from which they are swinging from catches, spins them around numerous times and binds them firmly to a log]
Kuzco: Maybe I'm just new to this whole rescuing thing, but this, to me, might be considered kind of a step backwards, wouldn't you say?
Pacha: No, no, no. It's-It's okay. This-This is all right. We can figure this out.
[The log starts to break in two]
Kuzco: I hate you.
[The log breaks sending them plummeting to the ground]
Pacha & Kuzco: Nooo!
[Tied to the log, they drop into a fast-flowing river, hit a number of rocks, then luckily are bounced into far calmer waters]
Kuzco: I don't know about you, but I'm getting all funned out.
Pacha: Uh-oh.
Kuzco: [resigned] Don't tell me: We're about to go over a huge waterfall.
Pacha: Yep.
Kuzco: Sharp rocks at the bottom?
Pacha: Most likely.
Kuzco: [pause] Bring it on. [yells as they go over] Boo-yaaa!
[Kuzco is washing his mouth out with water]
Pacha: For the last time it was not a kiss.
Kuzco: Well, whatever you call it, [Kuzco spits the water onto Pacha's fire, putting it out] it was disgusting. And if you would've done what I ordered you to do in the first place, we all could have been spared your little kiss of life. [Kuzco shakes off the water from his fur which puts out the fire Pacha has just re-lit] But now that you're here, you will take me back to the palace. I'll have Yzma change me back, and then I'll start construction on Kuzcotopia. Oh yeah!
Pacha: Okay, now look, I think we got off on the wrong foot here. I just think if you really thought about it you'd decide to build your home on a different hilltop.
Kuzco: [completely uninterested in what Pacha was saying, Kuzco finishes off drying himself with Pacha's poncho] And why would I do that? [Kuzco throws the poncho over the fire, putting it out again]
Pacha: Because [controls his anger] deep down, I think you'll realize that you're forcing an entire village out of their homes just for you.
Kuzco: And that's bad?
Pacha: Well, yeah. Uh, nobody's that heartless.
Kuzco: Mmmm. [pauses] Now take me back.
Pacha: What? Wait, wait. How can you be this way? All you care about is building your summer home and filling it with stuff for you.
Kuzco: Uh, yeah. Doy. Me. Everyone else in the kingdom gets it. You're the only one that doesn't seem to be with the programme, eh, Pacha?
Pacha: You know what? Someday, you're gonna wind up all alone and you'll have no one to blame but yourself.
Kuzco: [sarcastically] Thanks for that, I'll log that away. Now, for the final time I order you to take me back to the palace.
Pacha: Looks to me like you're stuck out here because unless you change your mind, I'm not taking you back.
Kuzco: [imitating Pacha] Because unless you change your mind, I'm not taking you back. Me, me, me. [Picks up an acorn and throws it at Pacha, hitting him on the head. Pacha looks round angrily] Huh? What? I didn't do anything. I didn't - Somebody's throwing stuff.
Yzma: Kronk, why did I think you could do this? This one simple thing. It's like I'm talking to a monkey.
Kronk's Shoulder Angel: Whoa now!
Yzma: A really, really, big, stupid monkey named Kronk!
Kronk's Shoulder Devil: Ouch.
Yzma: And would you like to know something else? I never liked your spinach puffs. Never!
[Kronk gasps and visibly upset as his shoulder angel pats him]
Kronk's Shoulder Devil: That's it! [****s trident] She's goin' down.
Kronk's Shoulder Angel: Now guys, from above, the wicked shall receive their just reward. :[they look to the heavens and notice a chandelier as an angel chorus sings]
Kronk, Shoulder Angel, and Devil simultaneously: That'll work.
Kronk's Shoulder Devil: [while Kuzco in a bag is about to go over a very large waterfall] Listen big guy, I got three good reasons why you should just walk away. Number one: [points to Kronk's Shoulder Angel] Look at that guy! He's got that sissy, stringy, music thing.
Kronk's Shoulder Angel: We've been through this; it's a harp, and you know it.
Kronk's Shoulder Devil: All right; that's a harp, and that's a dress.
Kronk's Shoulder Angel: Robe!
Kronk's Shoulder Devil: Reason number two: [as he does a one-handed handstand] Look what I can do!
Kronk: What does that have to do with any—
Kronk's Shoulder Angel: No, no, he's got a point.
Kronk: Look, you guys are confusing me, so, uh.... "be gone", or whatever I do to get rid of you guys.
Kronk's Shoulder Angel and Devil: That'll work. [they poof out of existence]
Kuzco: No touchie.
Pacha: Agh! Demon llama!
Kuzco: Demon llama?! Where![screams]
Chicha: So, what did the emperor want?
Pacha: [clears throat] Oh, you know what, he couldn't see me.
Chicha: [angrily] Couldn't see you? Why not?
Pacha: I don't know.
Chicha: Well-well, that's just rude!
Pacha: Well, he is the emperor. I'm sure he's busy.
Chicha: No, no, no, no, no. NO! Emperor or no emperor, it's called common courtesy.
Pacha: Honey.
Chicha: If that were me, I'd march right back there and demand to see him and you know I would.
Pacha: Sweetie, sweetie. Think of the baby.
Chicha: Pacha, I'm fine. This baby's not coming out for while. But even if it was, I'd give that guy a piece of my mind. That kind of behavior just- just- [snorts]. I gotta go wash something.
Chicha: [To Yzma] You know, I am so sorry that you had to come all this way. But, as I said to you before, you may recall, Pacha is not here. I'll be sure to tell him you came by.
Yzma: Oh, would you, please? That would be just great. [Yzma makes an exaggerated gesture that makes her knock her tea cup off the table] Oops. Silly me.
Chicha: No no. [exhaustedly] Allow me. [Chicha bends down to get the cup. Because she's pregnant, she has trouble picking it up.]
[After a long chase sequence, where Yzma and Kronk fell into a canyon, Kuzco and Pacha have reached Yzma's laboratory and are looking for the human potion in a cabinet]
Pacha: Let's see. Lions, tigers, bears-
[There are no bottles in the human section]
Yzma: Oh my. [Steps out of a shadow holding the potion] Looking for this?
Kuzco: No, it's impossible! How did you get back here before us?
Yzma: Ah.... [Looks confused] How did we get back here, Kronk?
Kronk: Well, ya got me. [Pulls down a chart displaying the progress of the previous chase] By all accounts, it doesn't make any sense.
Yzma: Oh well. Back to business.
Kuzco: [nervous] Okay, I admit it. Maybe I wasn't as nice as I should have been; but Yzma, you really wanna kill me?!
Yzma: Just think of it as...you're being let go. That your life's going in a different direction. That your body is part of a permanent outplacement.
Kronk: Hey, that's kinda like what he said to you when you got fired.
Yzma: I know. It's called a cruel irony. Like my dependence on you.
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