Ed Wood quotes

46 total quotes

View Quote Conrad Brooks: You know which movie of yours I love, Mister Lugosi? "The Invisible Ray". You were great as Karloff's sidekick.
Bela Lugosi: Karloff? Sidekick? **** YOU! Karloff does not deserve to smell my SHIT! That Limey **** can rot in hell for all I care!
Ed Wood: W-what happened?
Bela: How dare that asshole bring up Karloff? You think it takes talent to play Frankenstein? It's all, all makeup, and-and grunting. [imitates Frankenstein] Grrr-Rrrr!
Ed: I agree, Bela. I agree a hundred percent. Now Dracula — there's a part that takes talent.

View Quote Criswell: Can your heart stand the true facts of the shocking story... of Edward D. Wood, Junior? [from opening monologue]

View Quote Ed Wood: Is there a script?
George Weiss: ****, no. But there's a poster. [he holds up a movie poster for "I Changed My Sex"]

View Quote Weiss: On the phone you said you had some "special qualifications"?
Ed: Mister Weiss... I have never told anyone what I'm about to tell you. But I really want this job. [pauses, takes a deep breath] I like to wear women's clothing.
Weiss: You're a fruit?
Ed: No, not at all. I love women. Wearing their clothes makes me feel closer to them.
Weiss: You're not a fruit?
Ed: No, I'm all man. I even fought in W.W. Two. Of course, I was wearing women's undergarments under my uniform.

View Quote [Bela Lugosi is trying on coffins.]
Bela Lugosi: Too constrictive! I can't even fold my arms.
Coffin Salesman: Gee, Mister Lugosi, I-I've never had any complaints.
Bela: This is the most uncomfortable coffin I've ever been in. Your selection is quite shoddy. You are wasting my time!

View Quote Ed Wood: Mister Lugosi, why are you buying a coffin?
Bela: I'm planning on dying soon.
Ed: No!
Bela: Yes. I'm embarking on another truck and bus tour of "Dracula". Twelve cities in ten days, if that's concievable.

View Quote Ed: You know, you're, you're much scarier in real life than you are in the movies.
Bela: Thank you.

View Quote Bela Lugosi: I refuse to drive in this country. Too many madmen.
Ed Wood: Well... I have a car.

View Quote Ed Wood: Boy, Mister Lugosi, you must lead such an exciting life! When is your next picture coming out?
Bela: I have no next picture.
Ed: You gotta be joking. A big star like you? You must have dozens of 'em lined up.
Bela: In the old days, yes. Now, no one gives two ****s for Bela.

View Quote Bela: This business, this town... it chews you up and spits you out. I'm just an ex-boogeyman.

View Quote Ed Wood: Now, what is the one thing, if you put it in a movie, it'll be successful?
George Weiss: Tits.
Ed: No, better than that. A star!
Weiss: Kid, you must have me confused with David Selznick. I don't make major motion pictures, I make crap.
Ed: Yes — but if you take that crap and put a star in it, then you've got something!
Weiss: Yeah. Crap with a star.

View Quote Weiss: All right, fine! You can direct it. I want a script in three days. We start shooting a week from Monday.
Ed: Oh... oh, Mister Weiss, thank you so much! You won't regret it! I won't let you down!

View Quote [Dolores comes out of the bedroom to find Ed dressed in drag.]
Dolores Fuller: So that's where my sweater's been.

View Quote [Ed and Bela are watching Vampira's TV show.]
Ed Wood: Oh, I hate it when she interrupts the picture. She doesn't show 'em the proper respect.
Bela Lugosi: I think she's a honey. Look at those jugs!

View Quote [Bela is doing his trademark "hypnotic" hand gesture.]
Ed Wood: My gosh, Bela, how do you do that?
Bela Lugosi: You must be double-jointed. And you must be Hungarian.