Duck Soup

Duck Soup quotes

39 total quotes (ID: 178)

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Rufus T. Firefly


Firefly: Chicolini, give me a number from one to ten.
Chicolini: Eleven.
Firefly: Right.
Chicolini: Now I aska you one. What is it has a trunk, but no key, weighs 2,000 pounds and lives in the circus?
Prosecutor: That's irrelevant.
Chicolini: Irr-elephant? Hey, that's the answer! There's a whole lotta irr-elephants in the circus.
Minister/Judge: That sort of testimony we can eliminate.
Chicolini: Thats-a fine. I'll take some.
Minister/Judge: You'll take what?
Chicolini: Eliminate. A nice, cool glass o' lemonade.


Prosecutor: Chicolini, isn't it true you sold Freedonia's secret war code and plans?
Chicolin: Sure, I sold a code and two pairs o' plans. Hahaha! 'At's-a some joke, eh boss?
Firefly: Gentlemen, Chicolini here may talk like an idiot and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot. I implore you, send him back to his father and brothers who are waiting for him with open arms in the penitentiary. I suggest that we give him ten years in Leavenworth or eleven years in Twelveworth.
Chicolini: I tell you what I'll do. I'll take five and ten in Woolworth.

Minister of Finance: Something must be done! War would mean a prohibitive increase in our taxes.
Chicolini: Hey, I got an uncle lives in Taxes.
Minister of Finance: No, I'm talking about taxes - money, dollars.
Chicolini: "Dollahs!" There's-a where my uncle lives! "Dollahs", Taxes!
Minister of Finance: Aww!

Trentino: There's a machine-gun nest near hill twenty-eight. I want it cleaned out.
Chicolini: All right. I'll tell the janitor.

Firefly: Take a letter.
Bob Roland: Who to?
Firefly: To my dentist.
Firefly: Uh... Dear dentist, enclosed find check for $500, yours very truly. Send that off immediately.
Bob Roland: I'll, um, I'll have to enclose a check first.
Firefly: You do and I'll fire you.

Firefly: Where's my Stradivarius?
Officer: Here, sir.
Firefly: I'll show 'em they can't fiddle around with old Firefly!
[he pulls a tommygun out of his violin case and opens fire]
Firefly: Look at them run. Now they know they've been in a war.
Bob Roland: Your Excellency!
Firefly: [making the sound of rat-a-tat-tat] They're fleeing like rats.
Bob Roland: But sir, I've got to tell you.
Firefly: Remind me to give myself the Firefly Medal for this.
Bob Roland: Your Excellency, you're shooting your own men!
Firefly: What?
Bob Roland: You're shooting your own men!
Firefly: Here's $5, keep it under your hat.
[holds out his hat to take the $5 back]
Firefly: Never mind, I'll keep it under my hat.

Chicolini: I wouldn't go out-a there even if I was-a in one o' those big things-a go up and down!
Firefly: Tanks?
Chicolini: You're welcome.

Firefly: Oh, I'm sick of messages from the front. Don't we ever get a message from the side? - What is it?
Bob Roland: General Smith reports a gas attack. He wants to know what to do.
Firefly: Tell him to take a teaspoonful of bicarbonate of soda in a half a glass of water.

Firefly: Awfully decent of you to drop in today. Do you realize our army is facing disastrous defeat? What do you intend to do about it?
Chicolini: I've done it already.
Firefly: You've done what?
Chicolini: I've changed to the other side.
Firefly: So, you're on the other side, eh? Well, what are you doing over here?
Chicolini: Well, the food is better over here.